Friday, March 31, 2006


One week out from my 1st treatment and I feel about 25% better. I have pain everywhere especially in my back where my kidneys are and my head which I have been taking pain medicine for. It helps a little but sometimes it makes me more nauseous. I am dreading the 2nd treatment which is going to be on Thurs. the 6th and just looking at the calender is making me physically ill.

Yesterday my DH and I traveled into the city to see Mr. Joseph Paris for a wig. All I can say is that his work is fabulous and we were thoroughly impressed. He wanted to make me a custom wig but that would take 6-8 weeks and I cant wait because according to my nurses my hair is going to be out in less than a week. He took out what would be almost a perfect match for me and it was amazing how it looked like my old hair. It was at least a $3,000 wig that he sold me for $1,625. Yes, it was expensive and I did pay with a credit card but my DH was totally behind the decision and we made it together. The one thing that impressed me is that no matter what I needed in the future with the wig, anything, Mr. Paris is going to do it because its already covered in the price. If I want a different style, highlights, less hair, a better fit (when my hair starts growing back) or whatever, its covered. It reminded me of buying a car with an extended warranty! I think thats how much I actually paid for my extended warranty on my car! Now thats funny. In his office there were pictures of all the movies and movie stars this guy had worked with and I couldnt believe I was actually there buying a wig from him. He told me that he works with Christopher Maloney and Mariska Hargitay from Law & Order and does both their hair. Amazing, I love that show and they both look awesome. He was Frank Sinatras personal hairstylist for many years and designed all the hair pieces he wore. I never even knew he wore hair pieces!

When I arrived home I had the surprise of the other wigs I ordered from sitting on my kitchen counter. The pink one was hysterical. My DD was wearing it for awhile having a good time with it. The longer red one actually looked good but needed the bangs cut a bit because they were right in my eyes. I cant really get any of them to fit on my head just right because I still have hair and they are supposed to be used with this 'magic tape' that you need a bald head for. I have to wait until start losing more hair and then I am going to shave it and wear my wigs. I will eventually put a picture here when I get a good one that I think looks nice.

My Mom was over yesterday to be with the kids when they finished school and told me that she is doing the AVON WALK in October for Breast Cancer. I would love to do it with her but I think I am just going to be a part of her support team and see if I can walk with her that way. I cant raise the money right now and she said not to worry about it because there would be many other chances to participate in things like that in the future when I am feeling better. She's right about that because according to the Dr I will be having more surgery in Aug or Sept. so I might not be feeling like walking that distance so soon after surgery. It sounds like lots of fun though and I can participate in other activities around those 2 days.

Just my thoughts~
As I have been going about my life the past few weeks things have been bothering me that never did before. One thing is how people just whine about everything! You want something to whine about, trade places with me because I would do it in a heartbeat. I dont even care how this statement is perceived by anyone but I had to get it out. There is not a particular person that is making me react this way, just the way cancer has put so much perspective in my life and has made me see the people who really have a lot to complain about and dont. I want to say to these people, "Before you complain about whatever you are going to complain about, THINK about what you are complaining about and thing how small and minute it is in the whole scheme of things". I am not even trying to say, think about me, no, not at all. I am saying think about the little kids who suffer everyday who have nothing to eat and no home to live in. Think about the people who live in a country with no freedoms to do anything, just think, please

Sunday, March 26, 2006

My 1st Chemotherapy Treatment-3/24/06

My first round of Adriamycin & Cytoxan went pretty well according to my husband (who is an oncology nurse). I felt well until about 2-3 hours post infusion and then for the past 24 hours afterwards I was dry heaving and vomiting. I went to sleep early and woke up on and off with waves of nausea waking me up through the night. I couldnt focus enough on doing much of anything but sleeping. I recieved my Neulasta shot via my husband yesterday and every bone in my body has been hurting since. I am sure that will subside in a couple of days. Neulasta makes your bone marrow make more white blood cells because the chemo can make you neutropenic and prone to infection. If your WBC's drop to low that can put off your next chemo treatment and thats not good to delay them. Nothing much going on right now but I am sure I will feel better as each day goes by and then gets closer to my next treatment on April 6th. I am trying to be positive and think of it as 3 more AC treatments to go and then we start the TAXOL which has totally different side effects than the AC.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength
of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
PSALM 27:1

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The First Step out of Many

Tomorrow is a big day for me and a day I thought would never come. When they gave me my breast cancer diagnosis and the surgery date that came and went. Then they said I would start chemo in 2-3 weeks and it seemed like it was so far away but here we are, 3 weeks from my surgery and I am going to start my chemo.

Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 6:15am for a port-a-cath placement. Its a central line that will enable them to administer the chemo through the port every other week without having to start a new IV and stick me every time. Its great for people like me who dont have great veins and dont want chemotheraputic drugs going through a peripheral catheter. If the drug that they are administering like Adriamycin & Cytoxan gets out of the vein somehow, it will destroy the surrounding tissues and you'll have a big problem on your hands. Thats why I chose the central line.

I dont know which I am more nervous about, the cath placement or my 1st chemo treatment tomorrow. I am going to be bringing my husband with me and also some books, SuDoku and my trusty stuffed dog, Baley. He's named after my favorite actor, Christian Bale by the way. When I went to Build-Bear to make him I chose a Boxer because I thought it would be symbolic of him kicking the cancer's ass in a way. Its a cute story when people ask me about him because he came to the hospital when I had the lumpectomy and I used him under my arm for support so he did serve a purpose other than just to be cute!

I am praying and putting my faith in God and I know that through him all things are possible. This is possible and I can beat this cancer and I can get through this one step at a time.

"Sometimes what seems like the darkest step we've ever been on comes just before the brightest light we've ever experienced"

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me

Another night were I woke up with pain and am having a difficult time getting back to sleep. I hate that. When this happens I usually ponder different things in my mind.

I spoke to a woman who is in her 40's and went through BC. My oncologist made her call me to put my mind at ease about going through the chemotherapy. She said a lot of stuff that I had some issues with. Granted, everyone can feel however they like about cancer but I personally thought her views were unhealthy.

She mentioned working in an office setting (she's in the medical profession) where she wears a wig and none of the people who come into the office ever knew she was going through cancer treatment. Her hair is growing in now at 3" and she would like to stop wearing her wig but is afraid the patients there would then realize something was different and ask questions. She also said she didnt tell them because she didnt want their pity. As she is telling me this story I was thinking, so what if they ask you, I would hold my head high and tell them that I beat cancer! Its almost as if she was afraid of the word CANCER. She said she sailed through her treatments like nothing was wrong with her and she went about doing things as normal.

So, here comes my opinion on that. All well and good for her but I would have chosen to not be ashamed of saying to the patients that I have breast cancer and use it as a teaching tool for them. It would bring awareness to the disease and educate a lot of elderly who are misinformed about it. I noticed that people over the age of 80 hear the word CANCER and think its a death sentence when its not. She basically told me outright that she did not want anyone to know. Its just my opinion here folks but I dont think thats the way it should have been done. It was her choice but the way she chose to go about hiding it from people is what perpetuates the fears and misconceptions that exist about it in society today. Yes, I am proud to say, "I have Breast Cancer." I will not hide behind my wig and pretend to go about my normal life because normal is not the word I would chose to use to describe my life after my cancer diagnosis. My life is not not normal but its not abnormal either. I have to say that its fuller in many ways because of all the wonderful people that cancer had brought into my life that I probably would never have known or gotten to know if I didnt have it. Compassionate, caring individuals who have shared with me their personal stories and/or stories of their family members who have conquered the disease. Here is where cancer gets a bad reputation as being the worse thing that has ever happened to someone. When I look back at the day I received the phone call about having cancer I can say that it was the scarriest day of my life and I was never more uncertain of my future like I was after I got off the phone with my Dr. Now I can honestly say that cancer is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was headed down the wrong road and I was asking God to help me change the way I had been acting towards my family and my children. I think there is a reason for everything that happens to us in life whether it be a lesson learned or to put us on a different road to another destination in life. It has made me look at what REALLY matters in life and whats just petty crap that people whine about. I look at people in stores on line waiting to pay for something and all they can do is bitch and moan because they have to wait an extra minute because an elderly lady is looking for some change in her purse and all I want to say to them is SHUT UP and stop whining about NOTHING. It annoys the crap out of me and reminds me of another very strong woman whom I worked with when I was a nurse in a rehab facility in NY.

After 9/11, I had the privilage of working with 2 burn victims from that horrible day. She was my patient that day and her strength is what makes me go on every day. She had 85% of her body burned and was given last rights at the WTC because they thought she was dead. Well, she wasnt, she lived and is a miracle. She told me her story and maybe someday I'll tell it here but one thing she did stands out on my mind. I had 10 patients that day and by far she had the most to complain about if she chose to do so, but she didnt. She was also in a lot of pain and only asked me once for pain medicine and didnt want me to help her with certain things. She just wanted me to set her up with her specially made utensils for eating and so on. This lady was a true example of strength and courage. The burns compromised 85% of her body and greatly disfigured her but she never complained about any of it. I am sure she suffered privately but the public face she wore was truely inspiring and I will never forget it. When I think I have something to bitch about I think about her and all she has to endure everyday just to get out of bed.

In summary, I am proud to say that I have breast cancer and I will be a survivor to live to tell my tale. I have no shame or guilt about it either. When I tell people that I have cancer I am not doing so to get them to pity me in any way and I think that using that excuse to not talk about cancer is a cop-out. I am sure I will get more questions from people I know and strangers when I start to lose my hair and look a little different due to treatment. I have nothing to hide and when people ask I will hold my head high and exclaim proudly that I have cancer. I will never be ashamed of it or fear saying it for it has changed my life in more ways than I could have possible imagined and mostly for the better.

Saturday, March 18, 2006


When I was in my last year of Nursing School (1996) I attended the National Student Nurses Association Convention in New Orleans, LA. I figured since it was my last year of school I was going to graduate in a month so I might as well have some fun. We attended all the classes and during our time off we shopped, ate and drank mostly in the French Quarter on Burbon St and Decatur Ave (sorry if my spelling is off). One night we were walking around a voodoo shop that had a psychic/tarot card reader located in the back of the store. All my friends wanted me to have my cards read, I think because I had the most exciting life (so they thought! LOL). They decided to pay so I had no choice and sat down. The lady began to read my cards:

She said that there is a man that I know in my life that is a friend and wants to be more. I will not marry the man I was almost engaged to and I will marry this man friend that is in my life and cares very much about me. She went on to say that I will have 2 children, a girl first and then a boy. I will have serious health problems during the 1st 7 years or so of our marriage that will be very difficult and hard on the both of us. The good news is that I will recover and the marriage will be stronger than ever.

It wasnt until after I had my 2 kids that I remembered what she said to me and that most of what she said had happened. My husband and I met in nursing school and I was not interested in dating at the time so we were just friends. He always asked me out, every day as a matter of fact to the point of being annoying and I said no a million times. Poor guy. We did get together a month after my fiance (at the time) disappeared off the face of the earth (just walked out on me but the best thing that ever happened because he was a very bad alcoholic and took lots of stuff out on me). After dating from June 1996, we got engaged in Oct 1997 and married in September 1998. I have been ill many times during our 7.5 years of marriage including back surgery, thyroidectomy, carpal tunnel surgery, tonsillectomy and pregnancy related issues such as single umbilical artery with my son, hospitalizations and ER visits for migraines & hyperemesis gravidarum due to >Hcg levels caused by Graves Disease. Then I started itching my skin until I bled and found out it was PUPPS, a rare skin problem that affects women in their last trimester of pregnancy (take 1% of pregnant women and 1% of those 1% get PUPPS). Of course with my luck it would be me thats in that 1%. What can I do but laugh and try to make light of all these things. My Mom seems to think that someone put the evil eye on me (Italian superstition) and she thinks she knows who it is. I tend not to believe in those things to much because I believe in God. Stuff like that sounds like the devils work to me and I feel that my belief in God protects me from that. I dont mean to say that psychics are frauds or doing the devils work, please dont misunderstand what I am saying here. I do believe that there are genuine pyschics who are for real, like the one that read my cards and there are others just out for your money. I guess its like any other profession, you have your good and your bad in all of them.

I have thought several times about going to a psychic and hearing what they have to say about my future. What keeps me away is the fear of what they might say is something I dont want to hear. That sounded confusing but I am afraid to know the future because I dont want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I just put my faith in God that he will protect me and I have more work here on earth and I cant leave now.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Pain, Pain & more Pain

Sometimes I wonder how much pain one person can take. I thought my pain was supposed to be improving and getting better but from one day to the next it goes from bad to worse. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worse pain I can safely call this a 10, maybe 11. The pain medicine works but I am needing more and more to keep the pain at a tolerable level. Its a vicious cycle and I am getting tired of it. I called the surgeon and she wants to see me tomorrow and check it out. I hope she can do something to make me feel better. Right now I need as many distractions as possible. One thing thats been very good at distracting me is my SuDoku books. I have plenty of new ones thanks to my husband who cleaned out the Border's in town today. The salesperson who rang him up asked him if he had a lot of time on his hands. I am sure he meant it to be funny because my son went with him to the store and anyone who sees my son knows that you dont have time to spare with him around! My husband said told him that I was addicted to them. Yeah, this is coming from a guy who was up trying to finish a puzzle last night!

A Day of Tests and Other Thoughts

Today I spent all day at the hospital having several tests. I had a CAT Scan, Bone Scan and an Echocardiogram. Results usually take a few days but the preliminaries should be out tomorrow. I am a bit anxious about them and would like to know ASAP if there is metastasis of my cancer. I am happy they did them all in one day though!

Last night I got my hair cut VERY short, in a pixie type style and its so UGLY I now cant wait for it to fall out. I am definitely going to start using my hats and bandanas to cover this ugly doo. I am also actively looking for a wig and there is a place in NYC- Joseph Paris, who make gorgeous wigs that look absolutely real. He talked to me on the phone and told me all the things to look for when buying a wig and how to get it to fit properly. These are things I never knew. His wigs range in price from $500-$4,000. I dont want to spend more than $500 because I dont think my insurance co is going to cover any of the cost. I spoke to someone there today and she told me that the provider (hubbies job) opted out of the wig benefit. Oh, God forbid! How much would that have to cost them? Whats the price of someones dignity? Especially when they are going through cancer treatment. I am going to fight it and see what I can do. What if I had alopecia areata where my hair would not grow back and I needed a good quality wig that costs a lot of money? Would they even care? Something tells me that they wouldnt give a sh*t unless it was one of their family members then someone would change that stupid rule really quick.

I am also getting emotional at the thought of losing my breasts to a bilateral mastectomy. This is going to probably be happening after my chemo is finished and my blood counts are normal again. Most likely September or October of this year. I know they can make them look nice with plastic surgery but whats bothering me is more of a sentimental, intimate connection that I had with both my children due to breastfeeding so long. I am thinking of all the nights they woke me up because they wanted Mommy's milk. I started to cry earlier thinking about it but I refuse to dwell in that emotional state and think negatively. I must think positive otherwise I will be engulfed in negativity and that wont be healthy for me at this time.

Sunday, March 12, 2006


I have dealt with a lot of pain in my life so its not new to me. I have had many surgical procedures in my life such as an appendectomy, laparoscopy to remove an ovarian cyst, tonsillectomy twice (dont ask), carpal tunnel surgery, spinal surgery with fusion and bone graft (titanium rods and pins with a carbon fiber cage), thyroidectomy and a few others I cant recall, LOL. After the breast surgery I had the typical post surgical pain and it was getting better as the days went by at home. At one week post-op I developed horrible swelling in my left breast and underarm area where the 2nd incision is. I went to the surgeon to see if it was infected and she told me that it was just very swollen and would take time to go away. The fluid has to be readsorbed into the bloodstream from the tissues. I am taking my pain medicine and using my trusty ice pack and it helps. In time it will feel better. I also am dealing with my migraines which pop up out of no where. I have had those since I was 18 years old so thats not new to me either. When I get them now I have a hidden fear that maybe the cancer has spread to my brain. Sometimes I have irrational fears like that pop up out of nowhere. Its not really an irrational fear I guess because I already have cancer so its a realistic fear to me. I do have a high pain tolerance so it has to be pretty bad before I complain. I am so used to going about my daily activities with a severe migraine because I have no choice in the matter. Someone needs to take care of my children. I have been to the emergency room for my migraines too many times that I have lost count.

Pathology Report from Surgery

The pathology report came back on the 8th of March. The surgeon called me with the results. She said that she had some good news and some bad news. She said that out of the 15 lymph nodes she took only one was positive for cancer. The bad news is that I have not one, but two types of cancer. One is called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) and the other is called Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (DCIS). Having both together is known as Multifocal Cancer. The margins on the DCIS were also not clear meaning that I needed a left breast mastectomy after I finish chemo, and possibly a bilateral mastectomy if my genetics test is positive for the markers (BrCA1 and/or BrCA2). They need to start the chemo right away due to the fact that I had a positive sentinel node meaning that a stray cancer cell could have gotten away. They cant guarantee that is not anywhere else in my body. I knew all along that this was a big possibility and I am very accepting of the fact that this is what needs to be done if I want to remain cancer free after my treatment is finished. Another good thing that I see coming out of this is that I wont need radiation like they thought I would. Thats a big relief. I am trading off radiation for surgery but thats OK. Some of my family members were taken back by this news of more surgery and found it hard to understand. I explained the reasons it needs to be done and that I am really at peace with it and they should be too. I am anxious and nervous but who wouldnt be? The next step is for me to heal before I start chemo and also take tests that are necessary before receiving certain chemotheraputic drugs. Adriamycin can cause problems with the heart so they need to make sure my heart is strong and healthy. I think they are planning on doing them next week.

Saturday, March 11, 2006


I had my lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy on March 3rd, 2006. I went ino the hospital at 7:30am thinking that they just had to take me in for the surgery but I was misinformed. They took me to have a guide wire placed in my breast that would lead the surgeon to the exact area that needed to come out. The involves the use of ultrasound that helps guide the wire into the proper place. They use lidocaine to numb the area but it still hurt like hell. After that was over I had to wait for nuclear medicine to call me down. When they called I had to have 5 small injections of a radioactive dye into the breast that enables the surgeon to detect which lymph nodes have to come out. I wasnt to happy about that but went along with it. The needles they used are very small and pinched a little but its the dye itself that burns when its being injected. After waiting an hour after the injections were done I had a series of gamma photographs to see which noded picked up the dye. In the OR the surgeon also has a geiger counter to measure the radiation the nodes are emitting so they know which ones to remove also.
I finally went into surgery at 1pm and had the 2 tumors removed along with 15 lymph nodes. I stayed in the hospital overnight so I could rest with the proper pain medications and because I would be better off there than home with my 2 kids. I went home the next day with some pain, mostly under my arm where the lymph nodes were removed. The pathology report would be in on Wednesday Mar 8th of the following week.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

My Hair

I knew right away from discussing things with my breast surgeon and oncologist that I would be getting chemotherapy. The three drugs that they are prescribing for me are Adriamycin, Cytoxan and Taxol. Everyone who takes adriamycin loses their hair. My hair is my crowning glory, my best asset, in my opinion. Its curly and down to my waist. Its taken 5-6 years to get there. I knew that I had to do something about my hair in regards to cutting it before treatment started. I decided that I was going to take control of the situation and be the one to decide when I was going to shorten my hair. I cut it myself the 1st time and I involved my kids and husband in the process. I trimmed 9 inches off. I didnt cry or get upset, I just did it. It looked really nice afterwards. I waited a week and then I went to a salon to get it cut shorter. The stylist cut off another 7-8 inches and now its chin length. I will not let this disease decide when and how I lose my hair. I will enjoy my hair up until the day it starts to fall out and then I will probably shave it.

Biopsy Results

I received a phone call from the breast surgeon on Feb 23rd, two days after my biopsies. The kids were out with my husband and I thank the good Lord for that. I am grateful they did not see me in that state. She imediately told me that it was Invasive Dictal Carcinoma and thats the type that spreads easily and fast. There was no doubt that I would need chemo and radiation and I had a huge lump in my throat at this time. Between crying I was trying to absorb info and also ask questions of the surgeon. We had already set up a date for surgery because even if it was benign she had planned on taking it out. I was so upset that I was unable to call anyone including my Mom for 3 hours afterwards. I cried it all out before my husband came home because I didnt want to have a breakdown in front of the kids. I would save those emotions for when I was with my husband alone when the kids went to bed. I can honestly say that this was one of the worst days of my life and I had been through a lot in my 34 years. The past 6 have been difficult involving carpal tunnel surgery,tonsillectomy (second one), difficult pregnancy with my daughter, diagnosis with Graves Disease with my son's pregnancy, hospitalizations for dehydration and migraine treatment when pregnant, problems with the babies umbilical cord where I needed a level 2 ultrasound every 4 weeks to check the baby, spinal surgery when my son was 5 months old that involved a fusion and bone graft, thyroidectomy a month after back surgery, 1.5 years of physical therapy, son diagnosed with developmental issues and speech delays, death of 2 grandparents within 6 weeks of each other, depression and now when I am thinking that this year will be the best and better than all the rest, I am diagnosed with BC. There are probably a few more that I am forgetting but you get the point. Believe me I am not trying to complain but just list all the screwed up crap I have dealt with over the past few years. I thought I deserved a break this year at least! Thats another reason I was in shock. I also know that there is always someone who is worse off than me so I really shouldnt complain. I am determined to beat this and have a positive attitude most of the time. I know that there wll be bad days and I have to learn to deal with them. I thank God that I have a great family thats willing to help me get through this most difficult time.

The Biopsies

My biopsies took place a week after my tests were done. They did a core needle biopsy with ultrasound guidance. Six samples from the 1st mass and 4 samples from the second mass (turned out to be a mass and not a cyst like they originally though)t. It was a bit painful getting stuck with needles with lidocaine and then the big core needle to take the biopsy sample. I got through it and was a bit sore. The hardest part was waiting for the results to come back which would take at least 48 hours. That seemed like an eternity to me.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Tests

I went in for my ultrasound on Feb 14th, Valentine's Day. The morbid side of me thought that if they did find something I would never forget that day. I was anxious and nervous about the whole thing but was thinking at the same time that it was nothing.
After the ultasound the radiologist came in and re-did my left breast and said that she found a mass and a small cyst. She wanted to get a mammogram to see if she could get a better picture of them but she said they would need to be biopsied none the less. I waited for them to do the mammogram and it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be. They had to take some magnifications of the area they were studying but it was OK with me. As long as I heard something good. After reading the mammogram the radiologist told me the same thing that she said previously and that I needed a biopsy of both areas. I set up the biopsies for the following week, Feb 21.


When I discovered the lump in my breast I knew that something wasnt right. I felt nothing there the month before and I am vigilant about monthly self-breast exams since becoming pregnant with my daughter. I am also a nurse and my husband is an oncology nurse so that makes it even more ironic in a way. He works with cancer patients all day and now he has a spouse with cancer. I made him feel it to make sure I wasnt dreaming and he said it was definitely something to get checked. I seroiusly thought that I was overreacting because fibrocystic breast disease runs in my family, both my Mom and Grandmother had it.
Waiting to get the ultasound seemed to take forever and they were squeezing me in the schedule because it was extremely busy. So I found it on the 23rd and then had the appointment for the ultasound on Valentine's Day, Feb 14th.

The Beginning

I have decided to keep a record of my battle with breast cancer that began when I found a lump in my left breast on Feb 3, 2006. I was in the shower doing a routine self-breast exam and found it. I had a ultrasound and mammogram on Feb 14, 2006 and then a biopsy on Feb 21st. My results came back on Feb 23, 2006 as Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I can say that it was the most frightened I have ever been in my entire life. I had an MRI and then a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy on March 3rd and I am currently waiting for the results. The results are not going to change my diagnosis, just give me the chances/percentages of recurrence of cancer in the future. I know I have to go through chemo. Adriamycin, Cytoxan and Taxol to be exact and radiation afterwards. While receiving chemo I am having genetic testing to see if I have the BrCA1 or BrCA2 gene for breast cancer. If I do my chances of recurrence are 80-87%. I will have some big decisions to make if I do carry the gene. My tumor (I had 2) were negative for estrogen, progesterone and HER2 receptors otherwise known as "triple negative". I have so much that I want to write but I had to just sum up whats been happening and then fill in the blanks later.
I had my surgical drain pulled out today and it is hurting me a bit more than yesterday which is unusual because it should hurt less. Maybe its just some swelling thats causing it? Next appointment is with another oncologist for a second opinion (about treatment) but I know by now that they all are sugesting the same treatment because I am so young and I would like to live more than another 20 years. I am 34 years old right now and have been married for 7.5 years. I have 2 children, a girl who is 6 and a boy who is 3. My daugher is old enough to understand whats going on with Mommy and I try to give her the best answers that are truthful without frightening her. If this journal can help me to be positive or help others to be positive and give them some hope than that will make me happy. I have so much more to write but I am so tired right now, so off to bed I go...