Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Unplanned Plastic Surgeon Visit

I was running a low grade fever last night and this morning in addition to reddness and warmth around the incision site. I called the plastic surgeon and he told me to come in so he could have a look. I had no way of getting down there because my Mom had to wait for my DD to get out of school. My DH had to leave work, pick me up and take me to the office. He checked me out and said that the site looked good and it wasnt that red and warm or I should say the type of redness that is associated with infection. I am on a very strong antibiotic (Clindamycin) and he thinks that should cover me. Fever or low grade fever is related to the lungs and congestion that develops after surgery from being intubated. Plus the surgery was 2.5 hours which I thought was going to be shorter. I have some flem that I am bringing up and he said to keep doing that and breathe deep to get the lungs moving. I cant stand surgery and I am almost finished. The next procedure is nipple reconstruction that is done under a twilight anesthesia where you are semi-conscious. Oh joy, but at least its better than general anesthesia. He even said that it could be done under local if I wanted but I dont think thats going to happen. My surgeon is going away on vacation next week and he told me that if I have any questions or concerns to bring them up to him before Sunday. If I knew he was going to take a vacation the week after my surgery then I would have made the surgery for another time when he was not going to be away. The point right now is mute so it doesnt matter. I cant change anything just hope that nothing goes wrong in the next two weeks. My next appointment with the surgeon is in 2 weeks. My DH had to return to work after he took me and I think they are going to pay him for the whole day (whew! thats great, I thought he would lose hours over this).

I got another order from on Monday, the same day I had surgery. I called them yesterday and they were very concerned about me. I told them that the order would go out on Friday or Saturday, definitely by the end of the week. They said no problem and told me to take care that they were thinking about me. I checked my supplies and I think I have just enough to get #24 out. At least I hope I do. After they pay me I have to order from FROM NATURE WITH LOVE. They usually are fast with delivery which is a great thing when you need stuff fast.

DH is off for a couple of days so maybe we can do something together like make SIAS! He is a big help to me when I have an order. We can also go to breakfast or lunch together. Its supposed to be nice tomorrow so maybe we can go to the beach.
DH has his jobs Christmas party next week and we had planned on going before I had my surgery. I still want to go but I am going to play it by ear and see how I feel. Tomorrow is my DD's Holiday Boutique at her school. I was going to scope it out to see what types of crafts people sell there. I think it would be a great place to sell my knitted and crocheted items, if I can make a bunch thats worthy! :lol:

On the knitting front I finally finished the second Pink Cascade Fiixation sock! Now I have a few others to finish, I got a great pattern for a dishcloth in the Mason-Dixon Knitting Book. I think they would be a great gift for anyone with a kitchen. They are so pretty and look harder to do than they actually are. I am not sure yet because I havent tried but this is what the book says! LOL

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Home from the Hospital

I am home from the hospital and feeling good. I have pain but nowhere near the amount I had after the bilateral. I stayed overnight and I am sure glad I did because I was in a lot of pain after surgery. Now that I had the chance to rest in the hospital overnight I feel a lot better. No lifting or anything that gets the heartrate up for 2-3 weeks and I have to see the Dr two weeks from today. The implants are a lot softer than the expanders and feel much better under the skin. The Dr said that he thinks the swelling in my left arm and the cording and tightness will get better now that the expanders are out and not putting pressure on the armpit muscle area. He said he cant guarantee that but it did get better last time (after the bilateral) so maybe he's right. Thank God I am allowed to shower tomorrow and not like when I had the other surgery and had to waited 2 weeks!

I worked on my sock this morning while waiting for the Dr to discharge me and everyone was asking what I was making. I am always working on socks when I go to the surgeons office so he must think I have a shitload hidden in a drawer at home.

On the subject of my sister, I dont want to talk about it other than to say that I am sad she has chosen not to have a relationship with me (or other members of the family). I dont talk about the situation to hurt her or upset her because she doesnt read my blog anyway but even if she did I am not sure it would make a difference. My parents know that I have tried and so have they to open the lines of communication with her and offer her help but she has refused. You cant say that we havent tried but I still feel guilty.

Monday, November 27, 2006

In the Hospital before Surgery

I am actually in the hospital right now blogging from my Ambulatory surgery room. They just stuck an IV in my arm (they wanted to put it in my hand but I stopped them otherwise I couldnt knit!) Its in my right arm because of the lymphedema in my left but I can deal with it. I have dealt with worse. I have a lot to talk about but I am limited right now because the DR and the anesthesiologist will be in soon to speak to me. My Mom had a "conversation" with my sister about her behiour towards me and others and it didnt go well. I am extremely upset by this and I think my sister needs some help. I am being totally serious when I say this. Mental illness manifests itself in your mid to late twenties. My DH has dealt with a lot of mental illness in his family and he grew up with it so if anyone knows about it, he does. She definitely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you look it up it describes her to a T. Thats all I will say right now.

I have a HUGE migraine and I hope I have good pain control after surgery and not like the last time where I was in agony. They just told me who the anesthesiologist was and I dont know him, not a good sign. I am also not sure if I am staying overnight but I am going to try. Its not considered an admission because its under 23 hours so its no additional paperwork for the Dr.

Yesterday my Mom was over and went food shopping with me and prepared dinner for my Dad, Grandmother and Aunt. I had so much stuff to do and never really did any of it all but at least the laundry is done and the kids will have clean clothes for the week.

On the way to the hospital I stopped at the book store and bought a few knitting mags and a crochet one. I also bought MASON-DIXON knitting which is a must have for all knitters out there. If I am not in the knitting mood then I will read. Gotta keep busy! I'll try to post after surgery if I am up to it.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Thanksgiving and my Caplet

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and we went to my cousins house. It was better than I thought it was going to be. First, the weather was HORRIBLE and traveling in it was treacherous. I hate traveling during the holidays but I hate it even more when the weather is bad and you have to travel in it. Secondly, everyone was nice and no one said anything stupid which is a world record for my family. My Dad was even nice and my sister was MIA (nothing new). Thirdly, I got to hold a couple of babies and give them the bibs (sorry no pics) I made them. My cousins little boy even got to use his because he was spitting up so much. Lastly, I finished the caplet I was making and was able to wear it. Everyone thought it was store bought. I am not sure if thats a good thing or not but I think they meant it as a compliment. It took me a month to make and its soooo soft and warm. The great thing is that its not too warm like wool sometimes can be. Everyone asked what it was made out of and some were amazed when I said alpaca. My cousin who doesnt know much about yarns said, "You can buy that kind of yarn at the store?" I chuckled when he said that. He sould only know what you can buy at a yarn store. Here is a picture of my STR that came a while ago in the mail. I forgot to mention it. Its Jingle Bell Rock, X-Mas Rock, and Scottish Highlands:
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Here is the caplet that I had a pattern for but went off on my own and did the trim in pink and changed the neckline a little:
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On a sad note, my good friends Mom died this morning. I received a call from our mutual friend this morning. She is not sure were the wake and funeral will be. I am having surgery on Monday and I really would like to go but depending on where and when it is I will have to see what I can do. Her Mom was an inspiration to me when I was 1st diagnosed with cancer because she called me and prayed with me on the phone. She made me feel like I could beat it and she above all people had conquered serious medical problems in the past and I knew she understood how I felt. She had 2 kidney transplants (one rejected) an amputated limb and other organ problems throughout her life. I think that in the end it was her heart that failed which for such a kind and loving woman who gave so much of her heart to others is so sad. I know that she is definitely no longer suffering right now but her daughters who are my friends are. I will continue to pray for them now because I cant imagine what they are going through. Please say a prayer or send a good thought in their direction.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Spamming JERKS!

I just went through my entire blog checking where people can make comments. You would think that I would have done this a long time ago but hey what can I say. I had to delete these stupid comments that I thought were made by people being nice and realize that its the generic spamming crap like: "Keep up the good work" OR "You've really got some great info, I've bookmared your site" JERKS. After clicking on them I realize that they are all full of shit! They are advertisers just trying to get people to click on their site and I did!! I am so pissed at myself for going to look, UGH!! They can shove their comments where the sun dont shine.
A**holes, comment on that!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

First Haircut in 7 months

The last time I cut my hair was in April when I buzzed it in preparation for losing it from chemo. It started growing back about 6 weeks after my last treatment which was June 29, 2006. It started as peach fuzz and then started to fill in from there. Yesterday I had enough of my hair. It was a total disaster and all over the place. It was overgrown (like a hedge that needs pruning) and in need of some shine/style. I went to the same place I used to go to when I needed a trim and a wonderful girl trimmed it up nice. She did a color wash which brought back some shine and used some styling wax (something I was never able to use with my waist length curls). It was like magic! I love my hair now and I dont feel like I have to wear a hat when I go out.

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I dont like posting pics of myself but I am proud of my hair growth. I'll update when it grows a significant amount again.

I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and signed all the papers for the surgery. I am part of a study so theres lots of paperwork. The Dr has to call and interview me about my families medical history and then I think I am ready. I also have to go for bloodwork next week in preparation for the surgery. My hand is still very swollen and I wear my compression glove when I can but it makes my hand numb if I wear it too long and I cant knit while wearing it. Still working on the Christmas gifts as quickly as I can but my DD wants me to finish her socks and she asks me if I am finished every second of the day. I should be done with them tonight if I am lucky.

My sons visit to the ENT went well and he doesnt think he needs his tonsils out just yet. He's not apnic when he's sleeping, he just snores and thats not putting him in danger. The Dr still wants me to listen to him when he sleeps. OK, like I can stay up all night and listen to him and DH snore. Well, they both keep me awake anyway so whats the difference? LOL

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Isnt this supposed to be relaxing?

Knitting is supposed to be a meditative and relaxing thing to do but lately its turning into just the opposite. Knitting all these gifts for people in such a limited time is very frustrating. Instead of making what I really want to make cerain people I have resorted to fast and somewhat easy projects instead of challenging and rewarding projects. If it were up tp me I would knit everyone socks, really nice ones, but time is limited and socks take time. I knit fast but not that fast! Right now I am blocking the scarf I was working on in the last post (Blk/Brn merino ribbon like yarn) and started my sisters corset belt and a bamboo stitch scarf (which is very interesting and at least not as boring as straight stockingette/garter stitch). I made a list of all the people I would like to give a handmade gift to and I realize that maybe I should not be making a scarf for the mailman and give him something else. He's a nice man and I though it would be a nice gift instead of candy which we gave him last year. He can certainly use it in the winter when he is delivering mail. He doesnt walk around the neighborhood here because there are too many homes and some are far apart so he drives the little postal delivery truck (I love those little trucks! They would be great for short runs to the grocery store. Thats why I want a VESPA so bad, but thats another post). Well, I have to see how fast I can crank out these other gifts and then see if I can give these people what I planned on giving them.

I received my STITCHES ( ) info in the mail today. I am planning on going to the one thats going to be in Baltimore next October and I cant wait! Its a 3-4 day knitting conference that has classes and a marketplace that is all about kntiting (and some crocheting too). My OT went this year and invited me to go with her but all the classes were booked and I didnt have the money for it this year. When I get my tax refund I am going to put aside the money so I can pre-register and get a hotel room. My OT said I could room with her to save $ on the hotel so at least I'll save some money and spend what I save on yarn and stuff in the marketplace! Yay!

My DD's school is doing a presentation next week for Thanksgiving and the teacher sent a paper home talking about it. It says that "YOUR CHILD HAS CHOSEN TO BE A PILGRIM". The choices were Native American, something else or Pilgrim. I wish she chose to be the Native American then it would have been a lot easier to pick out the clothing and stuff they need for the costume because I have it. She needs a long skirt, apron, and white blouse for the pilgrim costume. All the things that I DONT have or if I did have (long skirt) dont fit her anymore. Then the note said not to go out and buy anything if you dont have it. Its also in the late moring where a lot of parents are not going to be able to make it and some kids are going to be disappointed if the parents cant be there. My DH is one of the parents that are working and my DD is a little upset.

My headache has returned and I am trying to rest now before I have to run out and get my DD from school. Ugh, these feakin' headaches!

Monday, November 13, 2006


Well, I am assuming that most dont know what I am talking about when I made the title of this post, so I'll explain. When you "frog" a knitting project or crochet project or rip it back to start over its called frogging. They call it this because you "rip-it, rip-it" like the sound a frog makes so therefore frogging. I cant remember if I explained this before but there it is anyway. Last night, after working 18 rows on the body of my Lorna Laces sock I decide to try it on and guess what, it didnt fit!! I was so pissed my gauge was very off. I thought it was 8 sts per inch and it was 10. A very big difference I must say so I frogged the sock and started a pair for my daugher with my leftover Artyarns #119 (green striped ones). She is bugging me to make her a pair and when she grows out of them her brother can wear them. I finished the alpaca blend scarf and it definitely could have been longer but I couldnt take it anymore so I made the fringe long to make up for it. It was annoying the heck out of me so now its done and in the finished pile. I started another scarf with Lane Borgosesia Jacquard 55% fine merino 45% acrylic. The texture is like a knitted ribbon and very soft. Since it has this texture to it already I am making the scarf in stockinette stitch to bring out the texture and color on its own. Blocking it might be in order when I am done with but we will see when its complete. I bought the yarn (4 balls/60yds each) a long time ago at 1/2 price. I am not sure who its going to yet but that will be determined at a later date like 12/24 when I am wrapping gifts! LOL. FInally I am also going to start my sisters gift today (sometime). It will be crocheted which is a nice change of pace for me since I havent crocheted in a long time. Not sure if its a deserved gift but its Christmas so, so...

Sunday, November 12, 2006

So little time

I have been so busy the past few days I havent had a chance to write. Christmas is 6 weeks away and my surgery is 2 weeks away. I am ready for the surgery but not Christmas. I have a load of gifts to make and I am moving slowly because my left arm and hand has been swollen and hurting from my lymphedema. It doesnt stop me but it does slow me down. I did finish the KOIGU socks and I also finished one of the pink Cascade Fixation socks. Here is a picture of the KOIGU sock. Yes, its just one but there is another that goes with it believe me!
Koigu Sock
I should have made them on larger needles than #2's becuase its taken me so long to finish one. I started the second and I am working on the pattern on the leg. I also started another sock in Lorna's Laces Safari color and I am also working on the body of that one on size #0's. Yeah, I am crazy. The smaller needles dont bother me as much as the larger ones. I wont question why because I LOVE making socks more than anything else but I dont have enough time to make people socks for gifts. I dont think I will be able to make the Dr the socks I wanted to make him for Christmas. He'll have to wait until after the holidays for those socks.

I havent been feeling myself for a few weeks and I was supposed to go for an MRI this past week but I wasnt allowed to at the last minute. Literally, I was in the changing room to go into the machine and I told the tech that I had expanders in for reconstruction from a mastectomy. She told me to wait a minute while she consulted someone. She came back and said that I couldnt have the MRI at this time because the expanders have magnets in them and since the MRI was for my head and under the higher powered magnet there was no way I was having the scan. Great, I thought, what the hell are they going to do about this damn headache?? I called my DH and he told me that he was going to try and get me a CAT scan that day, since I was already at the hospital. I had an OT appointment and after that I had the CAT scan with contrast (my favorite). It turns out that a lady in my knitting group, Nancy, was the CAT scan tech that did my scan. She was so nice to me and held my hand while the contrast was being injected. That stuff makes you feel really hot and flushed, like you cant breathe. Luckily it only lasts a few minutes.
The CAT scan was negative along with the blood work which is good news but the Dr still wants the MRI after my surgery.

My daughter is doing well and mostly recovered from the pneumonia. She is still on the Pulmicort nebulizer for a couple of more days but much much better. I hope she doesnt get sick again this winter or we can at least head it off before it gets to that point. My son has an appointment with the ENT because his tonsils are HUGE and probably have to come out. He is having trouble breathing at night when he's asleep and that when the Dr said we would have to think about having his tonsils out. I am very nervous about this because it would mean a hospitalization for him. The same Dr that took my tonsils out and did my thyroidectomy would do his surgery so I trust him and he's wonderful with kids. I swear, I think I spend more time in the hospital than my own home!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Chemo Rebound

Yesterday around 4pm I had a wave of nausea and sickness sweep over me like a wave. I wasnt sure what was happening but I felt like I was going to pass out and die. Yeah it was that bad. I actually can say that it felt like I was getting chemo again. My DH had explained to me that cancer patients who have received chemo can get whats called chemo rebound where they suddenly feel like I did yesterday. I was actually very scared while it was happening because I have had a migaine for over a week and its killing me and then my arm and hand is swolllen to twice its size so I thought it was all related in some way and I was going to spontaneously combust. I took some medication that I thought would help and ate a bite for dinner and I began to feel a teensy bit better. I felt the same this morning so I called the oncologist and he ordered a head MRI for tomorrow morning. UGH, I hate those because they put your head in this cage like vice so you cant move while they are doing the test. It sucks. Then I am a little frightened over what they could find. Last time I had a MRI of my head was over 7 years ago before my DD was born. I was having insane migraines all the time and thats why they did it. They didnt find anything and I hope they continue to find nothing. The DR said to take my Ativan before having the test and I would most likely sleep through it. If anyone has ever had an MRI its sooo loud that its like sleeping with a guy who is jackhammering right next to your head. I am not sure sleep is going to happen unless I OD on the Ativan.

Tonight I have a knitting meeting and I am excited to show them my socks (still not finished mind you). I have to do a little bit more and then I am done. I would have been done if I felt better but I WILL finish it today. Another nice woman I met in my socks class wants me to go to another knitting group tomorrow night and I really want to go to also. I hate when these damn headaches and such run my life. There are things I want to do and I cant do them because it hurts to much. Frustrating is the word for it.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Healing & Hurting

My DD came home from the hospital on Monday. She is doing much better and is on several nebulizers, antibiotics and steriods. The pediatrician called to check up on her yesterday and told me to call on Friday with another status report. They want to make sure she doesnt relapse which is common with pneumonia. I decided to keep her home from school this week just for that reason even though I think she would be OK for school. She is also getting to many breathing treatments and I dont want her to have to do them at school. I called her teacher yesterday and left a message to call me back but she never did. I wanted to know if there was anything in particular that I should be covering with her so she is caught up when she goes back on Monday.

The family situation is still the same. My Mom (as far as I know) hasnt really confronted my father like he should be confronted. He left 5 messages on my phone asking how my DD was but not once did he apologize to me. He went on for a few minutes about how I misunderstood what he said and that he was sorry that I misunderstood and took it out of context. Yeah, right, my fault again as usual. I wasnt home the 3 times he called and the other 2 I ignored because I know if I got on the phone with him it would go no where and he just wants to make himself feel that he is right and I dont want to give him that chance. I do wish that I saved the letter that I had written to him before I started chemo so he can see that he hasnt changed as he said he would. He never asked me for help when I was sick and I am not just talking about when I was diagnosed with cancer. I am going back to before my DD was born and then when I had all my surgery. He actually started a HUGE arguement with me on the phone after I had my carpal tunnel surgery and I was 6 months pregnant with my DD. The 'discussion' was about a small boat that my grandmother (his mom) said I could keep in her garage and all of a sudden she was having second thoughts and called me to ask questions about the boat. I didnt really know the specifics about the measurements and stuff, my DH knew all those things so I told the both of them to call back in a half hour or so when DH would be coming home. This is when the fight broke out and everyone was yelling at the pregnant woman recouperating from surgery. Heartless a**holes. I ended the conversation crying my eyes out and called my Mom because I didnt want my Dad to lie about what happened. After this entire incident I didnt talk to my Grandmother for over a month. I never understood what the problem was either especially since she allowed her other grandchild to keep a sh*t load of furniture in her garage. Yeah, it is screwed up but it seems lots of people have favorites in my family or different rules for different people. Anyway, my Dad thinks its just one thing that he said that upset me but its so much more. Its the many things he has said to me and its almost as if he blames me in a way for being sick and thats the only explaination I can think of for the way he is behaving. He has also treated others badly such as my Mom and my grandmother. Granted my grandmother says some messed up stuff but she has dementia and is old so her brain is not working properly. You dont fight with someone like that, you ignore them or walk away. She has made nasty comments about me but I just ignore (most of them at least) them and blame it on her mental state. As for my sister I dont have an explaination either but it seems she is taking lessons on how to cause mental anguish from my Dad. She hasnt even called to see how my DD is doing and I know that someone must have told her that my DD was sick. She was in the hospital for heavens sake. The whole world knew when my cousins kid was sick and in the hospital and my Dad's cell phone rang every hour with an update on the kids condition. Not so when my DD was sick. Double standards and hypocrisy are the words of the day children. Ugh, it makes me so mad.

Concerning my health-I went to the Oncologist on Tuesday to have bloods and a 3 month post chemo check up. Blood work was all good and the DR told me that I looked good and all was well with the physical exam. I asked him for the percentages for recurrence and he hesitated before he said them. I told him that I didnt much put to much faith in them since I am always in the minority number anyway and I know that everyone is different. He told me that its 15-20% chance of recurrence. He then said that the number is high but the other number for not recurring is higher. OK, the glass is half full, I get it. I try to think positive but this is always in the back of my mind. I really try hard not to think about it but with all the stress going on in my life right now its something that my mind is stuck on. I dont know if its feeling sorry for myself because I dont usually do that and if it is I need to get out of that mindset immediately before it causes more problems.
My arm (the one with Lymphedema) has been bothering me beyond belief and has gotten progressively worse over the past 2 weeks. I went to OT Tuesday and I think that it made it worse. Last night I actually called my plastic surgeon and told him (cried to him) how much pain it was causing me. He said that I was doing everything right by taking Motrin and using heat and so on and that he couldnt do anything with the expander to make it better. He cant move my surgery up because I am doing it the earliest day possible (11/27). He told me to take a muscle relaxant and that would help. I happen to have Baclofen in the house from my back issues so I took some last night and this morning. I am not sure if its helping yet but I am sure it cant hurt. He said if it was still bothering me to call him. I dont think he can do anything else though so whats the point? He also told me to lay off the therapy because sometimes it can make it worse. It might have been the ultrasound therapy that did it.

On the knitting front-I am still working on the other KOIGU sock and started a CASCADE FIXATION sock with a baby cable rib pattern. I would like to finish one of them by this weekend. The wool that I won from E-Bay came yesterday and it is so pretty. Its a little scratchy but I think after a few handwashes it will soften up. I decided to make a pair of socks with it but there is 1000 yds so I have to find something else to do with it. A shawl sounds nice also but I have a lot of time to think about it. Christmas is coming and I HAVE TO get going with the gift making. I have a few made but I have lots more. Right now I have to finish a scarf that I am going in moss stitch with Paton's Rumors alpaca blend yarn. It looks really nice but its shedding a bit as I am knitting which is a bit annoying.

Thanks to everyone who sent their well wishes to my DD. We love you for it!:inlove: