Monday, December 31, 2007

The Year in Review & Goals for 2008

I first wanted to comment on how Christmas went at my parents house. No major fights broke out with my sister but she did snub my husband and ignored him most of the night. Her boyfriend was with us on Christmas Eve and he blatantly snubbed both me my husband and the kids the entire evening. I wished him a Merry Christmas because he wasnt speaking to me and I wanted to be the better person. He didnt really respond. My husband went to shake his hand and he turned and walked away from him. Nice guy hey? Her boyfriend also was supposed to come over on Christmas night and called in the middle of dinner to tell her that he wasnt coming. My sister was obviously upset with him and left the room to talk with him on her cell phone. She later told my Mom that she didnt know what his problem was. I have an opinion about what I think is happening and allow me a moment to explain. My sister has been with him for almost 9.5 years and he is younger than her (he was born in Jan 1980 and she in Oct 1977). When my son was born in 2002 they were together and I thought they were going to be getting married and I chose them to be his Godparents when he was baptized. I talked to my sister before I did this to make sure they were serious about marriage otherwise I wouldnt have chosen him to be his Godfather. Now for the past few years all I have been hearing from my sister is how she doesnt want to get married or have kids. I thought the reason for this was because her boyfriends Dad was terminally ill and dying of prostate cancer. He recently died a few months ago and things have gotten worse between them. My theory is that he doesnt want to marry her because she is a narcissistic controlling person incapable of caring for anyone other than herself and he really got a chance to see her true colors when I was sick and what she did to me. Maybe he is saying to himself, "Do I want a wife who is going to treat people this way, the way she treated her own sister when she was going through cancer treatment, surgery and chemo?" Maybe my sister feels sorry for him that he has no parents anymore and is basically alone. I cant figure them out. They have had a strange relationship from the very beginning. What makes me mad is my Dad is always making fun of how my husband can love me and makes sarcastic comments on it all the time. For some reason he thinks that my husband is "whipped" which he most certainly is not. If anyone is whipped and needs to be made fun of its my sister and her "whipped" boyfriend. Why cant he make fun of them? I've been with my husband since 1996 and we got married in 1998. He has been through hell with me and we have had our share of challenges and bumps in our marriage but we got through them. Right now we are in a great place and I cant be happier. Well, if I had a nice vacation alone with him a few days then I could be a little bit happier! Anyway, I dont know whats up with my sister and her boyfriend but she should be thinking of how much she sacrificed to care for her boyfriends Dad when I needed her to help me (and she did offer to help because she was out of work at the time and continued to be out of work the entire summer I was going through chemo and had my surgeries) and how that is time not only wasted but in the process she destroyed our relationship for someone she isnt even going to marry? Yup, its a bit confusing to say the least but on to my review of 2007.

2007 for me started out OK. The anniversary or first Cancerversary as I call it, of my breast cancer diagnosis came on February 23rd along with leg pain that was bothering me near my sciatic nerve in my left leg. I didnt think to much of it because my pain specialist seems to think I have fibromialgia and I attribute a lot of my aches and pains to that. I had my nipple reconstruction in March that went really well and I couldnt be happier with the results, especially after the nipple tatoos were done. In May I had a PET Scan that showed I had a tumor growing on my sciatic nerve. I got the run around from a Dr that I was referred to who specialized in what I had. I later found out that he never did this type of surgery before and I had a blow up with him on the phone. He was an egotistical asshole that had a horrendous bedside manner and seemed to only care about the almighty dollar. After I found a well qualified Dr who had experience with these types of tumors and removing them I was pleased and set up a surgery day (why couldnt this asshole Dr tell me that there was another Dr in the SAME PRACTICE that did this surgery before???) for June. He told me that there were no guarantees when he removed the tumor and that it might be cancer. They wouldnt know until the biopsy and path reports after the tumor was removed. I was more than nervous but my knitting and beading were there to calm and center me. What I would have done if I didnt have it I dont know. I would definitely lose my mind to say the least if I wasnt able to knit or bead.

I had the surgery in June and the tumor removed wasnt what they thought. It was a tino-synovial giant cell tumor which is not normally found on a nerve. The best news was that it was benign and not cancerous. I was so happy about that but recovery from the surgery which severed my sciatic nerve in a few places was painful and difficult to say the least. I still have issues with spasming of the muscles around the incsision area and it has just been recently controlled with a new pain medication which makes it easier for me to get up in the morning and do activities of daily living.

After that surgery I continued to go to occupational therapy for my lymphedema. The lymphedema was under control but my hand and the pain I was experiencing was getting worse every day. There were times I was unable to knit or bead and would force myself because its how I kept sane. Finally, after months of pain and different treatments I went to see an orthopedic surgeon who told me that it was carpal tunnel (which I already knew since I had it in my right hand in 1999) and that he would do the surgery after Thanksgiving. I was so happy and never looked forward to a surgery as I looked forward to this one because it would give me the use of my hand back and I could do the things I loved again. I cried after leaving the surgeons out of pure happiness that it was going to get better.

After Thanksgiving I had my carpal tunnel release surgery and I knew right away that the surgery worked. I was able to feel my fingers when the anesthesia wore off and it was feeling without pins and needles! I started to crochet first because it was easier to do with a cast on and then I knitted. It was very difficult to get gauge because I was unable to hold adequate tension on the yarn but I was knitting without pain and thats all that mattered to me!



2) Get a tatoo commemorating my journey through breast cancer this past year. I am still trying to decide what kind I want and find someone who will do it where I want it. I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT THE TATOO THING. I THINK ITS A FAD AND NOW EVERYONE HAS THEM. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT GETTING ONE THE MORE I DONT WANT TO GET ONE. I DONT WANT TO MARK UP MY BODY. MY SCARS ARE MY TATOOS



5) Join the BLUEMOON FIBER ARTS SOCK CLUB (which I am pre-registered for) and actually knit the sock patterns they send me even if they are challenging. If I get stuck I can go to my LYS and ask my sock guru (Sally) to help me out. Complete at least one pair a month, at least I said. I JOINED NOT ONLY BMFA BUT WOOLGIRLS SOCK CLUB AND MY LYS'S CLUB WHICH ARE ALL MAKING ME STEP UP MY SOCK KNITITNG. I LOVE TO KNIT SOCKS AND ITS NOT GOING TO CHANGE, EVER! I KNIT ABOUT 10 PAIRS IN 2007. I HAVE A FEW UNFINISHED SINGLES WHICH DONT COUNT BUT I WILL FINISH THEM SOON.


7) Learn short rows in sock knitting. I ALSO DID THIS LEARNING HOW TO DO A SHORT ROW HEEL

8) Make a sweater for my husband and myself I DIDNT DO THIS (YET)

9) Be a kinder and more compassionate person. I ALWAYS TRY TO DO THIS

10) Still try to get a job at a yarn store no matter how many times they say, "we dont need anyone right now." STILL TRYING

11) Go to the dentist (havent been in over 2 years) I FINALLY DID THIS AND I AM SO HAPPY I DID. NO CAVITIES!


13) Try to pay bills ontime (this one is a losing battle) THIS HAS GOTTEN BETTER AND I AM DOING WELL WITH THIS

14) I am sure there are more but I cant think right now and I didnt want to end on #13, call me suspicious.



I think the main reason I had first decided to keep it short was because of a deep rooted fear I had that I would grow it out to the length I had it when I lost it (32"~yup, it was down to my waist) and I would lose it again. I still have this crazy yet real fear but I cant let that stop me from having my hair in the style I want. I need to be patient and allow it to do its thing. So limited haircuts just to trim the ends and thats it. Last haircut was around October 24th so I already have a jump on it. My daughter is receiving 2 sacraments this year (2008) and I have a couple of weddings to go to so grow hair, grow! Grow so you can cover my big ass! LOL

I'm sure I have more that I cant remember but I wanted to get them down before the end of this year. Sorry there are no pics but I am almost done with a WIP and I promise a few nice pics when I post again.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Not Enough Time in the Day

There is definitely not enough time in the day to do all the things I need to get done before Christmas. I have to still make a few more pieces of jewelry and wrap all the gifts. Yesterday I spent all afternoon working on jewelry gifts. By the time I finished my brain was all out of ideas. I am going to make a few more tonight and tomorrow. Nothing like cutting it close! I cant post any pictures here because certain people read my blog and I dont want to give away any surprises.

In knitting news I am almost done with my second Unoriginal Hat in Fuschia. My daughter is begging me for this hat and it was going to be mine. If she really wants it then I will surprise her with it. I have another 2 skeins of Torino Bulky in a variegated pink/red colorway that I could make another hat with for myself but I am not sure yet what I am going to do. I started another pair of socks with Blue Moon Fiber Arts Rockin' Sock yarn in Christmas Balls after frogging the Monkeys I started in the Irish Dreams colorway from Woolgirl's Sock Club. I am not sure what happened but somewhere I messed up the pattern and I wasnt in the mood to fix it so I frogged it. Yup, thats me. If I was further along then I would have just attempted to fix it but I wasnt that into it anyway and wanted more of a Christmassy (if that's a word) project since I finished my Jingle Bell Rock Socks. The other day I wore them and man were my feet nice and toasty! I washed them by hand after reading how the colors can bleed and fade with the BM yarn and it did a little bit but otherwise the yarn softened up a bit and looks great. I am planning on wearing them on Christmas Day.

On Wednesday my husband and I were walking out of the house and to my surprise there was a package from BM on the ground at my feet! I TOTALLY forgot that there was one last shippment in December for the Rockin' Sock Club and boy was I surprised! I was even more surprised when I opened the package and discovered a gorgeous colorway with a Cat Bordhi pattern. It looks challenging but I like a challenge and especially if its based on her New Pathways socks. Who knows when I will get around to doing it but at least I have completed a few pairs from the 2007 club. There are some people in the club who havent even knitted one pair of socks! I cant imagine spending all that money and not even knitting a pair. I shouldnt talk because I havent knit any socks from my Knitting Central Sock Club yet but thats because I have 2 other sock clubs I AM knitting for! I completed one pair from Woolgirl's Club and am working on another called SPRUCE SPRIGS in honor of Christmas Trees.

Tomorrow and Christmas Day we spend at my parents house and I must admit I am a little nervous about it. If you read any of my past entries from last Christmas then you already know why. My sister causes quite the problems last year and I am worried there is going to be a repeat performance this year. I told my Mom what I thought and she says there wont be a problem but for every time she has said that in regard to my sisters behavior she has been wrong. I warned her that I wont say anything or start any problems unless something is done or said to me first. I will defend myself if necessary. My Mom mentioned on the phone that my sister bought me something expensive and all that jazz. Then she says (as she always does in her defense) that she (my sister) is trying in her own way to make things right with me. Uh, no she's not. I havent even spoken to her since October and I had surgery the end of November. She never even called me after my surgery. If she was trying at all then she would have picked up the phone. I guess thats to hard to do. You have no idea how sick I am of my Mother defending my sisters actions, its hypocritical and I told her that. If it were me behaving this way there is no way in hell my Mother would let ME get away with it. My Mother would certainly have put me in my place by now. I am so sick of the double standard that exsists. I am sure many of you out there with younger siblings reading this know what I mean. You laid the path for them and were the one who got in trouble all the time and then they do the same thing that you would have had your teeth knocked out for and they get away with it. Its bullshit is what it is.

I remember one night my parents were away. I was in college at the time and over my boyfriends house. My sister decided to invite 100 of her closest friends over for a party. I arrived home early and found the house alarm going off and hundreds of teenagers running out of the house in a million different directions with 3 police cars blocking the driveway (the alarm alerts the police when it goes off). I helped my sister clean up the house before my parents came home and found out what happened. I wasnt a tattle tale and didnt say a word to my parents. My great uncle, who lives a few houses down from my parents came over the house a couple of days later asking what happend the other night the alarm went off and what the cops were doing there. Who knows what he thought was happening. My parents had no knowledge of this and were very surprised to say the least at the information my uncle had given them. My sister got into big trouble (grounded for a month-big deal) and I had no part of getting her into trouble which I was very happy about. I never did anything that stupid because I am not stupid enough to have a party on a night my parents just go out to eat and not go away on vacation. Pretty dumb move right but thats my sister, immature as the day she got busted for that party.

This month I was supposed to go see the Oncologist for tests. I am holding off until January because I didnt want any bad news before the holidays. After Christmas I am going to call and set up my appointment for the tests and to see the Dr. You cant blame me for not wanting to go right? I am surprised the Dr didnt just say that he wanted to see me in January instead of December. I went for a PET Scan in October (I think it was October or late September but I can be sure) and I due for a CAT Scan and an MRI. My leg, where I has my tumor removed in June, was bothering me a while back and the pain specialist decided to put me on a daily low dose of a different pain medication and it worked! My leg is feeling much better now. I didnt want to take another medication but I was getting horrible spasms in my thigh muscle every night that would wake me up. The spasms were so bad that it took a few days for the pain to disperse so I had to do something.

Its also almost that time of the year to go over the goals I set for 2007 and the ones I intend to meet for 2008. Thats going to be in my next post along with my Christmas review. Hopefully its a good one boys and girls.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

This is a Knitting Blog, right?

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This is the magic hand. Its healing well and I am finishing some UFO's. I cant believe I am making progress with my knitting! All I need is the time to knit because right now I am going crazy trying to get some jewelry done for Christmas gifts.

This is our Christmas Tree. It looks real doesnt it? Its not! My Mom gave it to me last year when she bought a new tree that already has lights on it. I need one of those because putting the lights on is the hardest part. My Mom was over the house the day we put the tree up so she put the lights on. The tree can be a bit scratchy so you get cut up quite a bit when putting the lights on.
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Rudolph & Clarice Ornament
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Every year we seem to collect more and more ornaments. I remember when we put up our first tree together in 1997 and there were hardly any ornaments on it at all. My Nana at that time gave me some money and said, "Go and buy some ornaments for your tree." Thank God she did that because the poor tree that year would have been totally naked!

Now, on to some knitting. This is a knitting blog right? It hasnt seemed like one lately so here are some FO's

Here is the Unoriginal Hat by the Yarn Harlot that I made for my hubby in Torino Bulky. I had to put in an extra repeat because he has a large head and now it fits nicely. I cast on 70 sts instead of 56 sts. Everyone at work asked where he bought it and he told them his wife made it. They couldnt believe it and they all wanted one. One thing I could never do is sell my knitting. Its never going to be a money making thing for me, its not about that. I am not fast enough first of all and I dont want to sell my stuff. If someone wants something bad enough, I'll make it for them. I enjoy making things for people.

Woolgirl's December Sock Club Kit came the other day and I am in love with it! I am going to cast on as soon as possible. I also am signing up for next years club because its such a wonderful sock club. Jen (Woolgirl) gives us so many freebies & surprises you cant believe it. Its up there with the Blue Moon Fiber Arts Rockin' Sock CLub and sometimes I think its even better.

Jingle Bell Rock Sock
There is a story behind these socks and here it is. I started these socks last year and finished only one. The one with the nice stripes is the one thats been waiting for its mate for a year. I started the other one last month and just finsished it last night. There are some distinct differences between the two. One has nice stripes and the other has pooling of the colors. The gauge is a lot looser in the one I just finished because I worked on it with my cast on and wasnt able to apply the tight tension that I usually do with my knitting. I am a tight knitter so when you look at the two together you can see the difference . I dont mind that they are fraternal twins, thats what makes variegated yarn interesting. You cant expect it to behave the way you want.

I am presently working on a few things right now. One of them being another Unoriginal Hat in the same Torino Bulky yarn in a beautiful Fuschia colorway. I am not sure if its going to be for me or my daughter. She keeps saying its hers! LOL.
Then I have Woolgirl's last sock kit "Irish Dreams" that I am making Monkeys out of. I have my husbands two socks in Adriafil yarn on one circular and I am waiting for the book to come out (2 Socks at a Time on one circluar by Melissa Morgan Oakes) to finish them. I pre-ordered it with Borders and I am hoping it comes in soon. I am actually waiting on starting certain socks so I can use this method with them. I havent even started making the socks from the Knitting Central Sock Club. I feel bad about it but I'll get around to it. I think I have to many sock clubs on my plate! Time to catch up.
My favorite Christmas cartoon/special is on right now-Nestor the Christmas Donkey. Its such a cute show and I always cry when I watch it.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Good News

The gastroenterologist called today with all of my husbands results including the biopsies he took the other day. We knew immediately after the 2 tests that he had a severe bleeding ulcer which caused his drop in hematacrit and hemoglobin. Believe me, I saw the pictures the Dr took and I dont know how my husband wasnt in pain. The ulcer I had a few years ago practically had my doubled over in agony and it wasnt even half the size of his. The Dr said because of the location of the ulcer is what made him unable to feel it.

I am so relieved I can even say. I had horrible thoughts of what it was while he was having the tests done. Thoughts of what I went through when they told me that the 2 tumors in my breast was cancer were stuck in my head. When the Dr came out and told me what was going on I felt so relieved. The last thing this family needs is more medical issues!

After reading my post from yesterday and laughing his ass off, my husband reminded me that he was a redhead when he was a kid. Good thing he has a sense of humor.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Obsessed with Life

I havent been obsessed with an TV show in a very long time (since LOST aired last) and I think I can say I am officially obsessed with a TV show. I guess I am more enamoured with an actor and surprise, surprise its not Christian Bale. We already know I am in love with him. The actor I am referring to is Damian Lewis of the NBC show LIFE. He is better known for his role in BAND OF BROTHERS. Everyone who knows me knows I have a thing for red headed, blue eyed men so it was just a matter of time before the official obsession began. I even dated a few redheads in college. Who couldnt love this Ginger haired Steve McQueen esque hunk of (meat) man. Excuse my slip of the tongue there but take a look yourself and you tell me I am wrong. Go ahead, I'll be waiting right here.

Would you like a towel for that drool on your chin?
I wonder if he can knit?
Did I mention he's exactly the same age as me?
Hi honey! (me waving to my husband who reads my blog all the time) I stil have a thing for hazel eyed balding men to so dont you worry. LOL

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Hand me that Knitting! (and those beads)

I am officially suture free and able to knit!! I am wearing my brace at times that I need to protect my hand in public or when doing things where I feel I might hurt myself by inadvertently putting weight on it. The Dr said I can do anything that I feel comfortable doing with it except putting weight on my palm. I was able to crochet with the original cast on so thats what I did.

I started a couple of crochet projects. One is a rippleghan that I am making for my living room. The other is a scarf for myself. My husband took me to the yarn store yesterday and picked out yarn to make the Yarn Harlot's Unoriginal Hat. He picked Torino Bulky in Grey for himself and I picked out a variagated pink/red colorway. Everyone who is making them on Ravelry (like 300+ people are making them) say they are a fast knit. I wonder if I can make it using the Magic Loop method? I am not sure about that though.

Finally, there are some pictures for me to post:

My Daughter on Thanksgiving
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My Old Man1
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My Old Man 2
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These are some pieces that I made today and a few that were made before my surgery.

This are two Cloisonne & Crystal Necklaces:
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Green Star Necklace and Pink Glass and Crystal Necklace
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Green Blown Glass Leaf Necklace
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Leopardskin Jasper Fan Necklace
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BMFA Mediumweght Yarn: Mesa, Christmas Balls & Count Cluckula
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I would love to start a new project with one of these yarns but before I do I have to finish a few.

The other day my husband came with me to my regular Dr. While he was there he checked him out and drew some bloodwork. He was complaining that he wasnt feeling well and was falling asleep while standing up. Believe me, he is falling asleep all the time, even when there is a parents meeting for my daughters religious ed. I thought at first it was just him being overtired and not getting enough rest. He's been working a lot of overtime and his hours are crazy. The Dr called with the results a few days ago and I couldnt believe what he told me. His hematacrit level, which is red blood cell count, was 24 when normal values for a man are around 44. His hemaglobin was also dangerously low. These things mean that hes severely anemic. Anemic enough to warrant a transfusion but thats a last resort because they generally dont like to do that unless its totally necessary. He is scheduled for an upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy tomorrow to see where the bleeding is coming from. The Dr and gastroenterologist seem to think that its a bleeding ulcer. My mind is running through all the bad things it can be because God knows they always happen to us! Enough is enough already. My family deserves a break and I think that if God is testing me in some sort of way that I think I have passed the test by now. Please say a prayer that all goes well for him tomorrow. I will post news as soon as I get it.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Single Handed

My hand surgery went well on Monday and I am feeling better. The pain is intense when I put my hand into positions it doesnt want to be in. Its in cast with my fingers free to move but not use. Instead of having them use a local anesthetic with sedation we (the anesthesiologist, surgeon and myself) all decided that with my lymphedema the most important thing to do was to decrease turniquet time. The general anesthesia route offered the least amount of turniquet time at 5 minutes so I chose it. It took me longer to wake up but thats OK. The surgery itself lasted about 45 minutes (total time in the OR not operating time which was 20-25 minutes). My hand was totally numb when I awoke so it was impossible for me to tell if the surgery worked like the last time I had the surgery. So far from what I can tell, thr surgery worked because I dont have the numbness & tingling I did before. My thumb however is having issues but from what I hear its normal so soon after surgery. I think I am expecting to much to soon but I dont have any patience when it comes to something getting in my way of knitting, crocheting and beading.

I did attempt to crochet a washcloth in simple single crochet yesterday. I did a couple of rows then it started to hurt so I stopped. Some OT's actually make their patients do it for theraputic reasons. I am not sure if I have to go to therapy specifically for my hand but I do know I have to go back for my lymphedema drainage.

Tomorrow I am headed out with my Mom Christmas shopping. I hope it wont take all day because I dont have the energy for it.

While recouperating I read a book by Mark Levin called RESCUING SPRITE. I highly recommend it for any animal lover out there. Get the Kleenex ready though, its a tear jerker.

I am off to try and do something with my hair if thats at all possible with one hand, a blowdryer and a brush.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Talk to the Hand

Thanksgiving day went better than expected but for the reason that my sister cancelled the last minute. Her excuse was that her boyfrind, who just lost his father, didnt want to be around people. Hey, he never wants to be around people so I dont know what his problem is. I did have a less stressful day not worrying about if she was going to say something to me or not.

In less than 12 hours I will be having my surgery for carpal tunnel release. I am very nervous over the whole thing. Who wouldnt be right? But some think that because I have had so many surgeries that I should be used to this routine by now. Let me just say that you never get used to it and the best thing about the surgery is that I will be able to knit and bead without pain. My hand has been totally numb for the past month but over these last few days it has gotten progressively worse and I cant do a darn thing with it.

I am going to update the blog when I can and depending on how I feel.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A Tantalizing Post

Its been almost 2 weeks since I posted and I've been so busy that I couldnt even think about posting to my blog. To many things happening at the same time and its Thanksgiving tomorrow, I cant believe it! In the last I posted I mentioned what was happening with my sister and all that. Still no apology and I am sure you readers are fed up with hearing about her. The truth is this blog and my husband are the only two outlets I have to vent about stuff like that so you have to bear with me, I'm sorry. My Mother, who is an only child is always saying to me, "Why cant you just let it go?" She doesnt get it. She has also said that she is not going to do anything else to help with the situation. Thanks for nothing. She will never know what its like to be in a situation where your own sister could do the things that my sister did to me. So I cant say that I hope one day she never knows what its like to have cancer at such a young age with 2 young children and have a sister who COULD have been there (just a little) and chose not to do a damn thing.

In order for me to let it go then I dont want anything to do with my sister. I dont want to see her at holidays, I dont want to have to exchange pleasantries, I dont want to have to buy any type of gifts for birthdays or presents for Christmas. I want to be able to make choices for myself that will make me happy, not make my parents happy or make my mother happy. I dont want to have to be the one who always does the right thing. After all I have been through in my life I should be able to make these choices, the ones that are best for me and not anyone else. My parents should understand this and not even question it. I know that parents dont like to take sides with their children but this situation is not like others and they should take mine, no matter what.

Think about it, one of your children has been medically ill since they were a teenager. Your other daugher has had one incidence where she broke her leg and this sister cut classes (college) to stay with her in the hospital. Which is more than my sister EVER did for me but she seemed to forget about that. Since I was 15 I was in and out of the hospital and had a few surgeries under my belt when I was just 16. I also have never talked about another situation that happened when I was 17 because I dont like to use it and make people think its an excuse or anything but I am mentioning it here just to tell you all the things that I have been through in my short life. The situation involved my great uncle and he attempted to kidnap me and throw me in his car and then 2 other times he assaulted me in an attempted rape which I averted, pressed charges, brought him to family court and got an order of protection. It was a very scary time for me and I usually dont even think about it anymore because I have put it behind me. Then you already know about all my surgeries and hospital stays over the past 8-9 years and then my huge back surgery in 2003 with 18 months of PT and my breast cancer diagnosis in Feb 2006.

Throughout all these illnesses, surgeries and whatnot my sister didnt offer help of any sort and when she did she didnt keep her promise but thats nothing new because she lied to my mother when she said she was going to apologize to me. All her life she has been allowed to get away with murder and I am sick of it. BUT if I decide whats best for me and my family is to not be around her my parents would ask me what my problem was and why I was making things difficult. Its like a one way street that I am stuck on and cant get off. Are they that stupid that they cant realize what happened last Christmas when the kids practically begged my sister to play and she stayed in her room the entire night? Why should I have to put my kids through that again. Dont I deserve a nice holiday after what I've been through? I dont want to hear that I am the older one and I should know better and that I am expected to DO THE RIGHT THING. Why cant she be expected to do the right thing? What the hell has to happen to me for my damn sister to realize that I have been there for her, I have been a good sister to her and I even took her to parties and on dates when I was in college so what else does she want from me? I dont think she is ever going to change and when my Mom had mentioned this after my Nana's funeral that she thought my sister turned over a new leaf, I almost puked. My mother is truely naive to base this 'leaf turning' behavior on nothing. Usually someone does something remarkable and out of character for someone else to mention that this person has turned over a new leaf but my sister hadnt even apologized to me and my mother made this observation!!

Meanwhile my husband who has watched me go through hell for years called my sister a name and they jumped on him like a lioness to her prey. They should be ashamed of their behavior especially since he has done more for them then anyone including their own daughter! He also did the right thing and called my sister to apologize which is something she STILL HASNT DONE YET. So when she said she was going to apologize to me SHE LIED TO MY MOM. They should have jumped on her like a dog and said, "He's (my husband) is right to say what he said for the way you have treated his wife, YOUR SISTER and since he had to take off work on the days you offered on mothers day 2006 to help her, they lost a lot of money and are in debt now so he has every right to be angry and mad at you". See, no one gave my husband credit for all he did for me. He went to work and dealt with cancer and then came home and dealt with cancer so there was no escape for him. He watched me throw up my guts and turn every shade of green known to man so yes, he has some anger. Thats what pisses me off about my father when he says that he doesnt know why I get mad or have anger. Gee, do you think that I've had a lot of time stolen from me? from my husband? and children? I wasnt able to do things with my son when he was a baby because of my back surgery and I have a lot of guilt about that. We seriously need a vacation after all we have gone through and I am not sure its going to happen any time soon. Do I really have to answer this assinine question that my father posed to my husband? Its a joke and my mother doesnt even back me up. Its hurtful and frustrating especially when he took my sister to Vegas on a vacation. He also has said that I caused my cancer through stress and also made comments on other family members being 'better' mothers than me because they have patience with their kids and dont yell. Tell me none of you would not be hurt by these things and you're lying.

Where is all this coming from when I just dedicated 2 other previous posts to this ranting? Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we are going to my cousins house. I am nervous that my sister is going to be there and I rather not be around her because she makes me sick. I want to have a nice time tomorrow and when she is around I want to say all the things I have written in my blog but thats impossible. She doesnt go to family functions because she choses to spend them with her boyfriends family (whose father just died so I am not sure where she is going to be) or friends. The funny thing is that she even spent Mothers Day with his family and his mother is not even alive! My Mom had to be pissed at that! I mean, how can you, in good conscience, not be with your mother on mothers day when there is no real excuse for any other action? It would make me really mad if she, all of a sudden, decided to spend time with the family because we are second or third choice to her. It also makes me mad that if I chose to stay home with my family for any holiday they would be mad at me meanwhile my sister has been avoiding the family for years with no repurcussions. Go figure.

There is a double standard and my mother even said it once. She said that she knew I was a stronger person than my sister because of all the things I had been through and also because of the person I had always been even before my illnesses. She said because I was a stronger person that she knew I would always make the right choices unlike my sister. Ok, even if she is right about all of that then she is giving my sister a pass to be an ass with her logic! Thats not fair either. This whole situation sucks and I dont even have a working phone right now! Ugh! Please dont let her be there tomorrow.

In knitting news I did finish Bartholomew's Tantalizing Socks for Socktoberfest so that makes 2 pair done officially. I know I am a bit late with the Socktoberfest news but I kept forgetting about posting it.


One sock came out a lot bigger than the other one but if they are on my feet its hard to tell. Its very noticable when they are off my feet. My husband said that since one fits him and the other fits me I should make another sock in a complimentary color to the Space Dust colorway and we can wear them like people who wear one half of those 2 part hearts. I thought it was cute but I dont want to knit 2 other socks in the same pattern again. I was a little upset with myself for allowing this size difference to happen but it was the first time that I made this sock architecture so I have to cut myself some slack.

My Woolgirl Sock Kit for November arrived the other day. This is Irish Dreams by Spunky Eclectic Yarns. Its so unusual a color that I love it! I am not sure about the pattern though because they have these little 'knots' on the foot which might make it hard to wear in a shoe.


This is the Jingle Bell Rock Sock in the Nancy Bush's Ringwood pattern (from Knitting Vintage Socks) that I didnt complete last year at Christmas time. I completed one and put it away. I thought it was time to take it out and try and finish it up for Christmas.


I'm a little backed up with the sock clubs but thats OK with me. There is bound to be a pattern that I dont like and thats where I can use one to my liking. So far that only happened once with the Knee High to a Grasshopper sock from the April Kit at BMFA otherwise I have made all the patterns that came with the kit. I am dying to make Cookie A's Monkey sock. I think thats going to be my next sock pattern. I am almost done with the Solstice Slip but its one hell of a pattern thats driving my hand crazy. Its because I cant cable without a cable needle. I am hoping that after I am healed from my carpal tunnel surgery I will be able to complete projects a little bit faster. Just a little.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Me Against the World

Sometimes I feel this way, I really do. I can certainly say this about the recent events of the past 2 weeks or so. Who am I kidding? How about the past few YEARS. Some I spoke about in detail and some I've kept to myself. Its been a neverending series of shit that had gone on with our car being close to totalled by my husband avoiding a flying deer (came over the guys car in front of him headed straight for the windshield). Another surgery for me which by now you would think I have my own operating room named in my honor. The nurse that books surgeries for the orthopedic surgeon thats doing my hand surgery said the operating room nurse in charge of scheduling surgeries knew who I was when she called to schedule my carpal tunnel release. You can look at it as a good thing or as a bad thing I guess.

After Sunday's private hell (mine) I thought this week would be a nice one but of course it wasnt! My son was home on Monday with a bad chest cold and it has spred and morphed into a stomach virus/chest cold involving my daughter. She stayed home from school today and we had to make an emergency visit to the pediatric pulmonologist when she had an asthma attack which wasnt getting better with the usual medications. It was extremely stressful tring to get her to his office which is 35 minutes away and getting my son out of school early so I could take him with me. My Dad offered to come up to my house or meet us at the office but I was already running late and printing directions off of MapQuest so I didnt have time to give my Dad the directions and all that because it was getting later by the minute. We made it on time and I wasnt feeling so hot either so I hoped the exam would be a fast one.

Good news is that my daughters lungs were not as bad as I thought but the Dr said she has a very bad cold and maybe even the flu. I tend to agree with him about the flu because when she came home she proceeded to throw her guts up and also had a fever of 103.5. The pulmonologist wasnt so happy to see me either. He seemed to be a bit perturbed to be there seeing patients or maybe just my daughter. It was the first time I met him as my husband brought my daughter the first time she went to see him and also was the one to speak to him on the phone when she was having trouble breathing one night. Maybe it has something to do with me being a woman? I dont know. When he returned my call to get the story on what was happening with my daughter he asked what I did to treat her symptoms. I had done everything that he had written down in the asthma care plan and then some. He then decided to tell me that I was supposed to see him as a follow up to the initial visit which was a month ago and I hadnt done that (well then this is all my fault as usual!! I should have known!) I admitted to him I was wrong and apologized for not making the follow up appointment and that I was having issues with my health. I wasnt sure if my husband had told him what was going on with me medically so I went ahead and told him that I was a breast cancer survivor going through another surgery in a few weeks. I apologized again for not making the appointment but I also told him that she was doing well with the maintainance that he had her on initially and that I doubt he would have changed anything so we would still be in this situation whether or not I went for the follow up. On the way out I made a follow up for January. Sometimes I feel I spend all my time at Dr's offices whether or not they are my Dr's or the kids.

My Mom is coming up tomorrow to watch the kids while I attend my Starry Night Shawl Class. I wont be able to participate in the class but I will be able to learn how to finish the shawl. Jane Elliot is a wonderful teacher and funny too. They also have an all day class on Fair Isling with Nicky Epstein which I am sure would be an awesome class also if I had more days in the week! LOL. Then if my husband isnt to tired from working all day we are planning on seeing a movie. I want to see GONE BABY GONE or BEE MOVIE. The kids want to see BEE MOVIE so we cant really go without them. I am not sure what other movies are still playing now so I have to check out the schedule for the weekend movie line up.

Now, enough talking and time for some pictures!

My son in his schools Halloween Parade
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My daughter as the Little Mermaid
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The infamous birthday cake I spoke about in the previous post
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Leaves & Stars Necklaces
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Earth Flower Porcelain and Crystal Necklace
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Oblong Topaz Crystal Necklace
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Blue Stone Pendant Necklace (18Kt white Gold plated bail)
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Stone and Swarovski Necklace
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Seeing Red
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Flowers Climbing a Vine of Crystal Necklace
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Blown Glass and Swarovski Necklace
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Amethyst, Colorado Topaz & Tanzanite Swarovski Crystal Necklace
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Green and Crystal Necklace
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Sodalite and Rose Quartz & Topaz Square Crystal Necklaces
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Lampwork Glass with Fuscia Swarovski Crystals
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I havent posted my handcrafted jewelry in such a long time but you can see that I have been busy. I try to make at least one thing a day but I havent been able to stick to that rule due to the pain I've been having in my hand. A little here and there and it adds up. Most of there pieces were actually made before the party I had at the end of October and I wasnt able to post them.

I am awaiting another sock club kit from WOOLGIRLS SOCK CLUB around the 14th of November and KNITTING CENTRAL'S SOCK CLUB at the end of this month. Who knows when I will catch up with all these socks I have to knit.

I was actually thinking about when I will be able to knit again after my surgery. The Dr had said I will be in a hard splint with my 4 fingers and thumb able to move. That doesnt help me with the answer to my question though. I do think that I will be able to crochet because it doesnt involve the 2 hands as much as knitting does. I am prepared with my crochet patterns (dishcloths & scarves) to maybe get some Christmas gifts made. In the time between now and my surgery I hope that I can stay healthy with all this illness around me. I had a chest cold a few weeks ago and had to take a Z-pack (Zithromax) just to clear up my lungs. I havent felt well for the past 4 days but I think its just a cold with a post nasal drip.

I almost forgot to talk about my favorite new products in the whole world. When I had waist length hair I used a product called OJON RESTORATIVE HAIR TREATMENT. I first heard about it on QVC and then of course ordered it from them. I LOVED THIS STUFF. It made my hair soft, shiny and the curls were incredible. I even gave some to my Mom to try and she also loved it. I used it up until the time I lost all of my hair to chemo and then put away the remaining half of a jar that I had left. I didnt even remember that I had it until a few weeks ago and I started using it again. Yesterday I stopped at Sephora to pick up some more because Iiterally had a drop of this stuff left which is definitelty not enough! To my surprise I found a bunch of new products being made by my beloved OJON. They have this stuff called ELASTIK and its used on all types of hair to relax it and take the frizz out. The great thing is that the main ingredient that does all this wonderful stuff comes from the rubber tree (I think) and they use all natural stuff to make hair healthier and there is even some OJON oil in it. They also have a new product called TAWAKA Ancient Tribal Rejuvenating Creme which is a part of their RARE HARVEST collection. You can use it all over your body including your hair. Last night I used both the OJON RT and the TAWAKA mixed together to coat my hair (as they suggest for a deep treatment) and all I have to say is WOW, WOW, WOW! Fabulous shine and softness beyond belief. I also blowdried it straight using the ELASTIK and not only did it get it straight a lot easier and quicker then I normally get it done but I was out in the drizzly rain today and ITS STILL STRAIGHT WITHOUT FRIZZ!! This stuff is fabulous and I even used it on my face last night and this morning under my make-up. I love it! You can read about it on:

Monday, November 05, 2007

Crap, crap and more Crap

Yesterday we had my son's birthday celebration over my parents house. My sister had to act like a 2 year old and insisted (to my Mom) that we have a cake for her too. I dont know why all of a sudden she cares about having a cake for herself because whenever we have a celebration for anyone else she never shows up. My Mom seems to forget that and thinks that my sister just wants what everyone else has. I know better. I know my sister wants gifts ($$) from the people who come to her party.

I know I did say that I wasnt going to bring up this issue unless my Mom brought it up and in a way I have no choice because at my jewelry party my sister had heard my Mom and I speaking about setting a date to have my son's cake. We had already agreed on this Sunday about 3 weeks ago because of the Sheep and Wool Festival, the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and the fact that my husband worked on the other weekends and couldnt do it then. My sister opened her big mouth and said, "Oh, you are going to just pass over my birthday and forget about me??" Just like a true narcissist to think of others! NOT. I couldnt believe all of a sudden she cared about having a cake for herself but like I said it was obvious the attention has to be on her and no one else. How dare my 5 year old son want to have a birthday party and she the 30 year old loser who still lives at home suddenly cares? I tell you she has not come to ONE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BIRTHDAY PARTY in I cant tell you how long.

My Mom suddenly comes to her defense on the phone today when I was talking about this and other complaints I'll bring up in just a minute. She says, "I dont think thats true, she's come to other family members birthdays." NO SHE HAS NOT. She was not at mine, nor my daughters or my son's last year or my Mom's or ANYONES!! I have no idea why my mother feels the need to defend her. Yesterday my husband also tried several times to speak to her and say hello and she ignored him. My Mom didnt believe me when I told her. My sister also disappeared for a good long time to her room. Yes, she did come out of her room but she spent most of her time in it. Thats no surprise to me. My Mom has decided to not get in the middle of my sister and I anymore and thats what I call taking the easy way out. I think that as a parent she has an obligation to because she had said to my sister (the night the big fight broke out and my husband apologized for name calling) that "this thing with your sister is going to end right, you're going to sit down with US 3, me, your sister and you, and all talk, right? She's the only sister you have (insert crying and sobs here) and you two have got to make it work (more crying here)" At that moment my sister LIED TO MY MOM AND SAID SHE WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. My husband took less than an hour to call her up and apologize because it was the right thing to do. BUT I WAS DIAGNOSES IN 2/06 and where has my apology been????? Yeah I thought my Mom forgot about that conversation so maybe this will refresh her memory.

When we arrived at my parents house yesterday my sister didnt even say hi to me! Lets not forget she has NEVER apologized to me for what she did to me when I was ill with cancer going through diagnosis, treatment and all my surgeries during this time and the surgeries I have had in the 8 years prior to my cancer diagnosis. But lets remember I am supposed to be the better person and forget all the nasty things that she has dont to me and "let it go" as my Mom says. My Mother is also an only child and has no idea what it feels like to have a sister who's chosen strangers over her own sister. My Dad is another one who doesnt understand because he's never been sick or spent time in the hospital for anything. My Nana was the only one who was always sick her whole life and she knew what it was like to be in the positions I've been in. Maybe thats why my Dad had so much empathy for her when she was alive (insert sarcasm here).

My Mom made a cake because my oven is broken and the first thing I noticed is that there was no decorations on it like a train or something, no writing and only two candle numbers were on it. A #3 and a #0 were on it. No #5 for my son mind you. I was livid that the 30 year old got her way over my Mom's grandson and it pissed me off immensely. My Mom admitted she was wrong for that. OK, maybe I shouldnt have said anything until it was time to sing happy birthday and my son would have exploded with anger at the fact that there was no #5 on the cake.

I am so upset at so many things and thats one of the reasons I havent really written in my blog. I didnt want to make it a complaint fest but this is my blog and its how I feel better. By talking about things I can work them out in my head and it makes me feel better.

Another thing I have to mention is that I am not going to be going to Camp Crows Feet (unless by some miracle of God happens). I decided that the small amount of money we can save from our tax return should go to a family vacation. Maybe a few days with my husband alone and then the rest with the kids. When I was going through chemo my Mom told anyone that would listen that she was taking us all on a cruise and you see how thats happend right? She wants to go away with all of us including my sister and I would rather get chemo again then go away with that bitch. Well, not exactly get chemo again but you get the point. No way in hell am I going on a vacation with her. Are my parents intending on giving her another vacation for free? I thought the trip that my Dad took her on to Vegas was a 'mistake' as my parents later admitted when I hit the roof that they rewarded her treatment of me with a free trip (because it was 'promised' to her for graduating and shit.) Give me a break. If my son or daughter did what she did to me when I was sick I would give them shit on a sitck and let me tell you they wouldnt even deserve that! So anyway, no way in God's good earth are they taking her anywhere with me and my family and gifting her with another vacation, no way its happening while I am alive.

All I want is to spend 1-2 nights a MONTH going out with my husband on a date, thats it. We dont even get to do that. Its sad it really is and I think I have discussed it before and I really dont want to go into it again. What brings this up is that my cousin has 20 sum odd tickets that a friend of hers gave her to give out for the Bon Jovi concert on Wed night. She invited me and my husband to go with her and her husband. The only person who is responsible enough to watch the kids (because my son is sick and my daugher has CCD on Wed nights) is my Mom. My Mom told me she couldnt do it because she is being audited this week at her job and if it was any other week she could. I didnt know you get audited at night. She didnt even ask me to find out the details of the concert and let her know and maybe she could work something out she immediately replied NO she wouldnt be able to do it. She keeps saying how she wants me to hang out with my cousin when I mention that we are trying to make plans together and then she cant watch the kids. My neighbors kids cant watch them because my daughters CCD class and they are not medically well and my son is sick. Their father doesnt want to risk them getting sick because they are all very fragile diabetics. They cant be around sick kids because of their medical issues plus even if they could its a school night and they only watched my son ONCE WITH THE MOTHER HERE. The girl that did watch my son one time wasnt even alone when she watched him. She was 11 years old at the time and her mother came with her. When I came home from the birthday party that I took my daughter to I cant even tell you the disaray the house was in after only 2 hours of me being out of it. I cant even imagine giving the responsibility of 2 children who need to be put to bed and have homework done to this girl and her mom. Dont get me wrong, they are wonderful people and I really like them all. They are always nice to me and my kids and their dad is always helping my husband out with the yard and advice on plants and such. I dont have the luxury of having my parents and my husbands parents at my beck and call like my parents did when I was little. I grew up with all 4 grandparents watching me all the time. Heck, we lived with my Mom's parents and I used to sleep over my Dad's parents all the time. This made it easy for my parents to establish a great relationship and marriage because they were allowed that valuable time together. My husband and I are lucky if we get a cup of coffee together on a school day when my son doesnt get out early. But who the heck can have a romantic dinner or a movie NIGHT in the daytime when the food shopping and everyday errands need to be run. When my husband is home from work he is working on the lawn, car mantainance, house chores and a million other things and I am also doing the things I cant get done when the kids are both home. Its not very romantic believe me.

My Mother doesnt realize that my kids also need someone they are going to listen to and another kid aint going to cut it. I bet if someone called her with Paul Anka or Barry Manilow tickets she would find a way to go and thats what bothers me. I get a little jealous of my cousins parents who take their grandkids EVERYWHERE with them. My Mom says well so and so doesnt work so they can do that. No thats not the point. My cousin and her husband always take vacations alone and her parents or his parents or his sister or her brother watch the kids. They have a million and one options for who can watch the kids. They even have friends that have taken on babysitting duty for them! I dont have any of those options. This has gone on since the kids were babies so they are used to it. My husband and I havent taken a vacation alone since our honeymoon 9 years ago. I think after all we have been through with my illnessed and such that we deserve that. We not only deserve it, we desperately need it. You hear about people who go through medical crisis and dont stay together because of the high stress it puts on the marriage. Well, my husband and I and even the kids have all gone through the same or more stresses than many of those families that are not together today. Do my parents realize this? I dont mean to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself but at this point I think I have the right to complain. All I want is to have some alone time with my husband and do some stuff alone together for my sanity and my husbands sanity and even my kids sanity. Most of my doctors say that I have had more medical problems then 10 of their patients put together and they cant believe the great attitude I have maintained throughout it all. Maybe some of them should talk to my father because you would think all I had was a bad cold to him and he cant understand why I am "so angry". Gee I dont know maybe its because for the past 8 years of my life have been spent in the operating room? Yet my sister gets the benefit of the doubt. I also try not to think of what can happen in the next 20 years because if I did it would destroy me. When things like this happen though I think "what do I have to look forward to?" If I had some private time with my husband to look forward to maybe it wouldnt look so bleak to me. My parents seem to forget that I had an extremly aggressive cancer that has a high probability of returning or metastasizing to another part of my body. Thats just a fact not a prediction by me mind you. If I knew this about one of my kids I wouldnt give them crap about their sister treating them like shit. I would treat that sister (who would be my daugher in this hypothetical situation) the way they have treated my child and see how they would like it. How would they feel going through the chemo and surgeries and the endless tests knowing that your own sister could care less if you lived or died? My parents dont realize the ONLY reason my sister and I ran into each other was because my Nana died and there was no other choice for my sister. She had to be there when I was there. She did avoid it as much as possible though and purposely avoided me at the hospital when my Nana was there and even mentioned it to a cousin of my Mom's that she didnt have to visit her own grandmother who was dying because me and my husband were with her. Nice, right? My Mother seems to forget that my sister not only treats me badly but she treated my Nana badly when she was dying. Even though I have 2 children and a husband thats working as many hours as possible to pay the bills we went to see her. I took the kids with me and my husband even called out from work so we could be with my Nana which is a thousand more things than my sister did to be with her. She wasnt in school yet (she's a teacher) and she could have been there but she chose (yet again) to be with her boyfriends father who was 'dying' at the time and she had to be there. By the way he is still 'dying' and my Nana died on Sept 1st. No offense to the man who is very sick and actually dying here but my sister also chose him over me when I was sick so its a sore point in my book. The 2 times I asked her for help she used the excuse that she had to help him instead and the other excuse was that she had a life to live and wasnt able to do that because she was 'stuck' helping my Nana (my parents were away at the time) and she NEVER can do anything. Did she realize who she was saying that to? Ok, enough, next topic to talk/bitch about. Sorry.

My Dad came up on Halloween to take us out to eat and I thought it was nice until he constantly complained about the food we ordered and then took the kids out trick or treating and couldnt wait to go back home after 15 minutes. Its either all or nothing and my kids want to spend time with them and they also want to know why my sister doesnt want to spend time with them. My daughter always asks why my parents dont spend more time with her. When I was little no one spent more time with me than my both sets of Grandparents. I was very lucky to have 4 grandparents. My kids only have my parents because my husbands are not in the picture.

With all these situations, I give up. I dont know what else to do. No one is on my side that can help and my husband is the only one that understands how I feel. Thank God for him.

Now my next surgery is in less than a month and my husband is taking time off (that he doesnt have) and helping me. I wont be able to use my left hand for at least a couple of weeks. My Mom has only 2 days left of her vacation time so thats why my husband has to take off. We are relying on his overtime to pay the bills and when he takes time off to help me he loses the overtime. You can see how this situation further stresses me out. Plus I wont be able to knit or bead to relieve stress so thats even worse. I am hoping that I can crochet though because it takes less to crochet than it does to knit and I can probably do it with one and a half hands! LOL.

This whole thing (with my sister) has me stressed again for the holidays because we are at my Mom's and she is there. Last year was the worst Christmas I have ever had and one would think that after having gone through medical hell someone would have guaranteed me a nice holiday but no such luck. My sister pulled a tantrum when my Mom tried to send me home with a tray of food. If you want to read the whole story its 2006's Christmas time entries and they are pathetic but my Mom forgets about the crap my sister pulled that day too. I guess no apology will ever come for that horrid treatment either. It was not only me either but my kids who practically begged and pleaded with my sister to come out of her room to play with them. Yup, you can take a guess and you'd be right in thinking that she didnt.

Another thing that I almost forgot was that my sister still hasnt given my 5 year old son his birthday present so he keeps asking me when we are going to Toys R Us to get him the new Thomas toys that he wants. How rude is that crap? Please dont keep telling him that you are going to get him his gift and then you dont! His birthday was Oct 15, the same day as hers and I made sure to mail her a card that she got before her birthday with a note in it that told her she could pick out whatever jewelry she wanted at the party I had. How much time does it take to get a kid a gift card? Heck, if you are going to give him a gift card why not just write him a check and call it a day. This is another thing that my parents look beyond and dont see a problem but let me tell you if I forgot to give her a birthday present they would want to know why I was "starting something with my sister by not giving her a gift" or something along the lines of that statement. Even last year when all the crap was happening with my surgery and stuff and she was ignoring me and didnt even come to see me or call me, I sent her a gift that I HAND MADE. We all know that she deserves nothing but as usual I do the right thing and it just comes back to bite me in the ass.

Here's some good news. I realized the curly haircut I got (after I washed it) was totally uneven and I went back to get it cut from the guy who usually cuts it to see if he could fix the mess created by this woman who claims to cut hair. I should have not strayed in the first place. He fixed it and it looks great. It looks like the May 2007 pics I posted of the first haircut he gave me and I wanted it like that again. It was difficult because the other woman really screwed it up so he did the best he could. My goal is to grow the sides long and keep the back short almost like a Victoria Beckham cut but not as severe.

In other good news my cousin wants to have a jewelry pary and hopefully I can do it before my surgery or even if its after my surgery someone can help me set up and I'll be fine.

I also made a promise to go to church once a week after I drop the kids off at school. Even though I dont agree with a lot of what the Catholic Church says it doesnt mean I cant go to mass. When my husband is off he is going to go with me.

Maybe next time we will get back to some knitting and jewelry conversation and pictures too. I had enough of this crap with my sister.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Rhinebeck Review & Some Crazy Sh*t Goin' On

Well first the good stuff. We all like to hear the good stuff. They suspended that kid at my daughters school that attacked her and threatened her. It was only for one day but at least they told me his parents are taking this seriously and are going to get help for him. Lets hope he doesnt do this to any one again because if he does it to my daughter I will press charges and get an order of protection. Then this kid will have a juvenille record and I dont think that his father, who is a cop, will like that one little bit. Right now my only concern is my daughter and her safety.

Second good thing is we all went to Rhinebeck and had a great time this past weekend and I have a few pics to prove it. I almost bought a wheel but decided to wait on it because I havent tried enough to know whats comfortable for me. I also came to the conclusion that I wont be happy with a drop spindle but I did buy the book TEACH YOURSELF VISUALLY HANDSPINNING.

Here are some awesome pics from Sunday:
This guy was standing with one leg on each horse and balancing while they trotted around the field:
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The featured breed of this years festival the Bluefaced Leicester:
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Another cute sheep:
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More good things...
I finally got to meet Stephanie Pearl-McPhee!! After traveling up to WEBS and not being able to stand in line (due to the little leg issue I had) and then I missed her when she came to CT. I thought I wouldnt meet her, ever. But here we are and she is such a nice person and told me that I should have gone to the head of the line at WEBS when they announced anyone who couldnt wait long in line could do that. I didnt want to do that because on the outside I looked fine and I didnt want people to judge me and say, "Whats wrong with her, she looks fine to me."
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My husband called me from the authors tent and told me to make my way over there because it was EMPTY! I ran across the fairgrounds and couldnt believe that I got to meet the Yarn Harlot, Kay Gardiner and Ann Shayne of Mason-Dixon fame, Judith Durant whos books I love and StitchyMcYarnpants. Carol Cypher was also there but I didnt get a chance to talk to her because there were a bunch of people waiting for her to sign their books. I own her wonderful book, MASTERING BEADWORK, A GUIDE TO OFF LOOM TECHNIQUES.

Yesterday I had my appointment with the surgeon to see if we could set up a day for my surgery. He examined me and agreed that the only 2 choices I have are: live with the pain or have the surgery. He also made me feel better telling me that there have been several studies that showed there was no marked difference noted in women who had surgical procedures on a limb with lymphedema. Thats amazing news! It also makes me feel a lot better knowing that these were controlled studies and not just written with no facts or basis to back it up. My surgery will be in a month, the week after Thanksgiving to be exact and he told me that the restrictions that I have to follow will be the same as the last time I had carpal tunnel surgery in my right hand in 1999.

As you can see yesterday was a busy day for me as not only did I have 2 doctors appointments, a hair appointment and then finally the jewelry party in the evening. Here is a picture of my set up at my Mom's house:
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I am so happy that everyone who came liked my stuff and bought a lot of it! I did really well for my first party. Actually, very well and I have several people that want to have their own jewelry parties in their homes. Sweet! Now all I have to do is get this damn hand fixed and I'll be in business.

When I got home late last night I found my Rockin' Socks Club October Colorway~Lenore
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Here are the 2 socks I started on 1 circular using the magic loop method. I am anxiously awaiting the book about this subject coming out 12/1 by Melissa Morgan-Oakes. I might have to put these aside for a while due to my carpal tunnel surgery as I have been doing with most of my WIP's.
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Yup, all nice things going on then today my husband comes home and he scared me to death. He narrowly escaped getting killed on the highway coming home from work. The guy in front of him hit a HUGE buck and the deer came flying over the car and headed straight into my husbands car. He swerved out of the way onto the median of the road where he destroyed the two left wheels and most likely the axels or frame on the car. He had to hold the steering wheel at a 90 degree angle to hold the car straight. I filed the claim with my insurance company and the tow truck is going to come tomorrow to pick it up and take it to the body shop. Then my husband and I have to go to rent a car because he needs a way to get to work and with the hours he works and the times the kids have to be at school taking the train would be a pain in the ass. I am hoping the cost will be covered by the insurance company because we have a huge deductable (Ugh!!). Why do all these things happen at once? I was planning to go to Sock Camp with the Blue Moon Rockin' Sock Club Gang but who knows whats going to happen with the car and my sock camp plans.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Let's Get Serious

This post is going to be a serious one and one I never thought I would have to write about. It can happen to anyone out there so listen up, we're talking serious now. We moved to the town where we live in CT because of the great schools that are here. We wanted to be able to send our children to the public schools to get a great education and to be safe. Remember I said the word safe.

Yesterday, at 2pm, I received a call from the school psychologist and immediately upon seeing the number on my caller ID panicked. I'm no stranger lately to phone calls from the school nurse telling me that one of the kids is sick or hurt. I guess that goes with the territory. When I picked up the phone she assured me that none of the kids were hurt or in trouble but she was informing me of an incident that involved my daughter and another boy in her class. She wasnt allowed to tell me who the boy was on the phone but did tell me what happened. My daughter was basically attacked by this boy (she was on line with her class and he grabbed her leg to knock her down and then proceeded to kick her and then grab her leg again and refuse to let go with all his might, the teacher saw it happen thank God) and then while this boy and my daughter were sitting in the psycholologists office he said some very scary things to her that a child should never say to anyone let alone another child. He said, "I'm going to kill you", "you never shut up" and several other things. I was shocked that he actually had the balls to say this in front of an adult! She assured me that they were doing everything in their power to deal with this situation and they had said they were reassuring my daughter that she did nothing wrong and that she was safe and no one was going to hurt her again. I dont know why she would believe them when all these incidents occured virtually in front of an adult!! So how are they protecting her? There is only so much we can do for our kids and then they walk through the school doors and its out of our control. We then turn our childrens care over to the school and I dont want to eat my liver from 9am-3:30pm every day, its not fair to me.

I went to pick up my daughter and son at the usual time and my husband who was headed home from a half day of work met me at the school. I wanted to hear the story from her and see what happened then go in and talk to the principal about it.
When my daugher got in the car I remained silent because I didnt want to influence what she was going to say. She proceeded to tell me exactly what the psychologist said and then some. She told me that this kid (she identified him to me) has done this to her many times where the teachers havent seen and also that he "spies" on her. I asked her what that meant and she said that he asks other students to see what she is doing and report back to him. Nice, we have a stalker in the second freakin' grade now! When she told me who this boy was red flags went up in my head and my husbands because we immediately looked at each other and he said to me, "You know his father is a cop?" I said, "No, really? Then there are guns in the house?" My husband replied, "You better get in there and talk to that principal". During the telling of what happened my daughter would not stop crying and saying, "Mommy, Daddy, he said he's going to kill me and he said he would do it many times before too". I cant tell you how mad I was at this moment but I knew my anger was going to help me if I kept it in control and would be no help to me if I lost it. Thats why I went into the school and not my husband.

When I finally was sitting in the principals office with the vice-principal, school psychologist, my daughters teacher and the principal himself I told them my concerns. My first concern was that my daughter who loves school is now out in my car crying her eyes out scared to come to school because this boy has a vendetta against her for no reason whatsoever. They assured me that they were taking all the steps to resolve the problem but because of confidentiality reasons that couldnt say what the punishment would be. What bullshit that is. Like I wouldnt find out anyway. All this confidentiality crap, what a joke. It does more harm than good. I told them that my Dad was a teacher in the Bronx, NY for over 20 years and dealt with kids like this all the time and back then they used corporal punishment and there was no violence like we see in the news today of school shootings and stuff. I told them my concern that there was guns in the home of this boy and for not only my daughters saftey but theirs that something needs to be done about this NOW. I told them I wanted this kid suspended and possibly expelled. How many times does he have to hurt my daughter and threaten her? Do I have to get a phone call that she's dead then something will be done? This is scaring me more than you know and I told them that I dont need this in my life right now with all that I have been through and have to still go through with my possible upcoming surgery. I also filled them in on how much my 2 kids have gone through and that the word "kill" and "death" are not taken lightly in my home.

My kids have seen 3 of their great-grandparents die and have gone to the wake and funerals. I have never kept death hidden from them. My daughter knows what cancer is because of my breast cancer and the fact that my husband is an oncology nurse so she knows what death is. Even though I reasured her about me not dying she knew that there was a possibility I could. She asked me a few times and I told her, no, I wasnt going to leave her. I said this to them because the psychologist told me that she didnt think that this kid understands the meaning behind what he said. Now with some kids I agree with that but not with my kids because of what I said above. Even if they dont understand what they said and then they carry it out its still done, you cant get someones life back because the kid says, "We'll I didnt mean I was going to kill him, just hurt him". Well now he's dead asshole so what are we going to do about this? Are we going to wait for another Columbine? Is that whats going to happen? NO WAY. NO ONE IS GOING TO HURT MY CHILDREN, NO ONE. Maybe this kid is seeing to much of what his father does (as a cop) and thinks that its OK to say crap like this and to stalk another 7.5 year old. He sits right next to her in class and under his breath is always threatening her to shut up and keep quiet so now this little sociopath is going to interfere with my daughters education? NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I will not however do anything on my own, like go to their home or call them. I dont want to add any fuel to the fire. The psychologist told me that the mother of the boy came in to pick him up because he was so out of control that he couldnt return to the classroom and she was shocked and very sorry that this happened and wanted to know if it was OK to call me and I told her to say NO. I dont want her to call me and she should feel bad and I hope it ruins her weekend because her son sure as hell ruined mine and my families. You should have raised your son not to act like an animal toward others and say things like that.I know if I EVER said or did anything like he did my parents would have made me swallow my teeth and then some. My parents wouldnt tolerate that type of behaviour, NEVER, not even between me and my sister. There is never a reason to hurt someone or say something like that. The only time I gave my children permission to hurt someone is if they are in a situation where there is no parent or teacher around and they are in danger then its OK to push the aggressor away and get help.

The principal is calling me on Sunday night to reasure my daughter and talk with me about this and I am going to tell him that, number one I dont think this kid should come to school for a while (suspend this little prick), second, move his seat away from my daughter and maybe just move him the hell out of the class, thirdly, IF he gets to stay at this school (which after all the crap hes done I dont think he should be allowed to stay) and another incident occurs then he is EXPELLED and never allowed back. Some times we have to just sweep the shit right out of the room so the room can be clean again. My husband is going to take off work on Monday so we can speak with the principal if need be and I would like to see what they are doing about this situation. I hope they have the balls to do whats right otherwise they will have to deal with the wrath of me, my husband, and my parents and believe me, it wont be pretty.

I apologize for this downer of a story but I think we all need to know these things can happen to our kids in our schools even if we think they wont. My daugher never had an enemy and she is friendly with everyone. She is the opposite of me when I was her age. I was never popular at all. I was the kid (braces, glasses and short) the bullies picked on all the time until my grandfather went over the one of these boys homes and threatend them. Thats when it slowed down a lot and I think it might have even stopped. By the way, the bully that used to torture me all the time has spent time in and out of prison and might still be in prison right now. What a shocker!

This weekend we are headed to Rhinebeck to the NY Sheep & Wool Festival which my kids loved last year. We are going to have a great time and I wish I can get my parents to go but they arent interested in that kind of stuff.
Here is a picture from my son's birthday to put a smile on your face:
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Hopefully next time I post I will have some great pictures from Rhinebeck of my spoils and the beautiful festival. I am hoping I can get a drop spindel and some roving to spin up my own handspun. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a cheap spinning wheel.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sick & Socks

No, that title doesnt say SICK OF SOCKS, no way. I dont think that can ever happen! I am sick as a dog today and was unable to do anything I had planned including going to see the surgeon about my carpal tunnel and having my first jewelry party. I couldnt even make it to the parent-teacher conferences this morning which I really wanted to go to so I could hear how both kids are doing in school. I attempted to get up and get dressed and in the process thought I was going to pass out from coughing so much. I feel like I have pneumonia and I do have a fever with chest pain so I am hoping it gets better and not worse. My son also came home from school sick and my daughter has been having issues with chest congestion and her asthma. We had to call the pediatric specialist the other night because she could not stop coughing.

Anyway the socks are slow in coming along due to my carpal tunnel but I manage a few relaxing stitches here and there and I did finish one of the Bartholomew's Tantalizing Socks from the New Pathways book. It really looks fantastic in the Space Dust colorway of BMFA. I also completed the first Solstice Slip Sock that I have been working on since June! There is another kit from Blue Moon coming soon and Woolgirl's second sock kit shippment goes out November 14th. I really wish this damn hand of mine felt better. Heck, at this point I wish I felt all over better. I'll post pictures when I feel better.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Avon Walk for Breast Cancer 2007

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Saturday and Sunday were the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in NYC. My Mom raised $4,370.00 this year. She did a great job and I would like to thank all those out there who made a donation. I was a little disappointed we didnt surpass last years huge amount raised of $8,000.00. I thought that giving the incentive of jewelry and prizes would attract more donations than the prevoius year but I dont think my blog gets the traffic that other, more famous bloggers do. I am not quite as famous as the Yarn Harlot or others out there. Dont worry, there is time for me yet! For a relatively new blogger/knitter/beader I have a nice fan base (waving to the readers out there!). You can all laugh, I am TRYING to be funny but failing miserably.

The pictures above were taken by me. My Mom snuck me into the crowd of walkers and I had a front and center view of what was happening. I was also wearing a Survivor shirt and they gave all the survivors pink and white pom-poms to wave so I fit right in. Another breast cancer survivor that was walking with my Mom gave me an extra shirt that she was able to obtain which was very nice of her to do. All in all this was the best walk that they have ever had in their history raising over 10 million dollars with money still coming in at the time of the walk. I will be walking in the 2008 walk with my Mom as the Pink Panthers.

In other health related news, I have been going to (OT) Occupational Therapy for my lymphedema and the pain I'm experiencing in my left hand. At first my OT thought that it was related to the lymphedema but now realizes that its my carpal tunnel coming back. In Sept 1999 I had carpal tunnel release surgery in my right hand. At the time I was almost 6 months pregnant with my daughter and frightened more for her than me. Now its so difficult because I cant do anything that involves my left hand which includes knitting and beading. I am trying not to get depressed over this because I know from the past experience with the surgery I had immediate relief (except for the surgical pain). The surgeon that did the surgery in 1999 has privilages at the hospital I use so I am even more hopeful that it will be a successful surgery. The only obstacle is my lymphedema and it scares me to think about it but there really is no choice if I want to use my hand again. My plans also include attending Camp Cockamamie in the Spring with the rest of the Blue Moon FIber Arts Rockin' Sock Club members.
My first jewelry party is next week and I hope I have a little relief by then. I also have a make up class for the Starry Night Shawl which I have been putting off for a very long time. The first class I took was sometime in the Spring. I am not in a rusht to finish it but I dont want to make it difficult for my LYS. They keep accomadating me and I cant thank them enough for that. There is always some reason or another that I keep putting off the class and the years almost over! Its not looking good for me in regards to finishing the Starry Night Shawl.

Even though I have limited use of my hand I have been able to do a little beading and knitting here and there. There are lots of rest periods in between the beads and stitches believe me! Its the two things that bring me joy and even though I am in pain I cant stop doing them. One day at a time, one stitch at a time, one bead at a time. On that note here are some pieces I have completed in the past week or so.

Metal and Satin Necklace
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Kazuri Bead & Czech Crystal Necklace
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Red Shell Necklace, Bracelet and Earrings Set
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Blown Glass Flower Necklace
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Red Crystal Necklace
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Black & Gold Angel Necklace
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Dichroic Glass & Swarovski Necklace
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Czech Crystal & Shell Necklace
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Rose Quartz Fan Choker
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Lime Hearts Necklace
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Black Diamond & Pearls Bracelet
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Butterfly Trinity Necklace
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In other knitting news I as surprised to find out that one of my LYS is going out of business! Its not my beloved Knitting Central, thank God! Its Knotty Girl Knit and Yarn Club. It is the first store I went to when I wanted to learn how to knit. I also tried to get a job there once which I wrote about in this blog. I found out about their closing when I went to their website to see what was happening in their store for the fall season. According to the owner, they werent making money. In my opinion, the owner was not a very good business woman and I predicted this a while ago to my husband who agreed with me. They couldnt hold a candle to Knitting Central and I am not just saying that because a few lovely ladies who work there read this blog. The owner of the store thats closing proved it when she recommended the closest yarn store to patronize in their place. She suggested the knitting community travel 35 minutes to a yarn store 4+ towns away instead of taking a 10 minute ride down the main road to Knitting Central! What nerve! I was in the store the other day to see if they had anything worth purchasing and actually heard the owner say this to a couple of shoppers in the store!! I had to hold myself back from going up to these people and telling them to take a ride over to Westport and see the best knitting store in the state. It WAS rated the Best of the Gold Coast so I am not BS-ing you here. When I got out to the car where my husband was waiting, I told him what I had just witnessed and he said that she probably wasnt recommending Knititng Central because it was her competition and probably the reason she went out of business. OK, he might be right but she is GOING OUT OF BUSINESS so why should she care at this point?? Pretty stupid right? I think so. Knitting Central is not the reason she went out of business, SHE IS THE REASON she went out of business. SHE has no one else to blame but herself and her lack of expertise in the business world. I can tell you that because I directly witnessed her laissez-faire attitude about her business. She didnt believe I was a good knitter because I wasnt knitting long enough to qualify in her book as a good knitter. She had said that to me when I wanted to work there. Can you tell I didnt really like her? LOL. I have certainly seen knitters who have knitted less than a year be better knitters than someone who has knitted 20. Enough said.