Monday, November 05, 2007

Crap, crap and more Crap

Yesterday we had my son's birthday celebration over my parents house. My sister had to act like a 2 year old and insisted (to my Mom) that we have a cake for her too. I dont know why all of a sudden she cares about having a cake for herself because whenever we have a celebration for anyone else she never shows up. My Mom seems to forget that and thinks that my sister just wants what everyone else has. I know better. I know my sister wants gifts ($$) from the people who come to her party.

I know I did say that I wasnt going to bring up this issue unless my Mom brought it up and in a way I have no choice because at my jewelry party my sister had heard my Mom and I speaking about setting a date to have my son's cake. We had already agreed on this Sunday about 3 weeks ago because of the Sheep and Wool Festival, the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and the fact that my husband worked on the other weekends and couldnt do it then. My sister opened her big mouth and said, "Oh, you are going to just pass over my birthday and forget about me??" Just like a true narcissist to think of others! NOT. I couldnt believe all of a sudden she cared about having a cake for herself but like I said it was obvious the attention has to be on her and no one else. How dare my 5 year old son want to have a birthday party and she the 30 year old loser who still lives at home suddenly cares? I tell you she has not come to ONE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BIRTHDAY PARTY in I cant tell you how long.

My Mom suddenly comes to her defense on the phone today when I was talking about this and other complaints I'll bring up in just a minute. She says, "I dont think thats true, she's come to other family members birthdays." NO SHE HAS NOT. She was not at mine, nor my daughters or my son's last year or my Mom's or ANYONES!! I have no idea why my mother feels the need to defend her. Yesterday my husband also tried several times to speak to her and say hello and she ignored him. My Mom didnt believe me when I told her. My sister also disappeared for a good long time to her room. Yes, she did come out of her room but she spent most of her time in it. Thats no surprise to me. My Mom has decided to not get in the middle of my sister and I anymore and thats what I call taking the easy way out. I think that as a parent she has an obligation to because she had said to my sister (the night the big fight broke out and my husband apologized for name calling) that "this thing with your sister is going to end right, you're going to sit down with US 3, me, your sister and you, and all talk, right? She's the only sister you have (insert crying and sobs here) and you two have got to make it work (more crying here)" At that moment my sister LIED TO MY MOM AND SAID SHE WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. My husband took less than an hour to call her up and apologize because it was the right thing to do. BUT I WAS DIAGNOSES IN 2/06 and where has my apology been????? Yeah I thought my Mom forgot about that conversation so maybe this will refresh her memory.

When we arrived at my parents house yesterday my sister didnt even say hi to me! Lets not forget she has NEVER apologized to me for what she did to me when I was ill with cancer going through diagnosis, treatment and all my surgeries during this time and the surgeries I have had in the 8 years prior to my cancer diagnosis. But lets remember I am supposed to be the better person and forget all the nasty things that she has dont to me and "let it go" as my Mom says. My Mother is also an only child and has no idea what it feels like to have a sister who's chosen strangers over her own sister. My Dad is another one who doesnt understand because he's never been sick or spent time in the hospital for anything. My Nana was the only one who was always sick her whole life and she knew what it was like to be in the positions I've been in. Maybe thats why my Dad had so much empathy for her when she was alive (insert sarcasm here).

My Mom made a cake because my oven is broken and the first thing I noticed is that there was no decorations on it like a train or something, no writing and only two candle numbers were on it. A #3 and a #0 were on it. No #5 for my son mind you. I was livid that the 30 year old got her way over my Mom's grandson and it pissed me off immensely. My Mom admitted she was wrong for that. OK, maybe I shouldnt have said anything until it was time to sing happy birthday and my son would have exploded with anger at the fact that there was no #5 on the cake.

I am so upset at so many things and thats one of the reasons I havent really written in my blog. I didnt want to make it a complaint fest but this is my blog and its how I feel better. By talking about things I can work them out in my head and it makes me feel better.

Another thing I have to mention is that I am not going to be going to Camp Crows Feet (unless by some miracle of God happens). I decided that the small amount of money we can save from our tax return should go to a family vacation. Maybe a few days with my husband alone and then the rest with the kids. When I was going through chemo my Mom told anyone that would listen that she was taking us all on a cruise and you see how thats happend right? She wants to go away with all of us including my sister and I would rather get chemo again then go away with that bitch. Well, not exactly get chemo again but you get the point. No way in hell am I going on a vacation with her. Are my parents intending on giving her another vacation for free? I thought the trip that my Dad took her on to Vegas was a 'mistake' as my parents later admitted when I hit the roof that they rewarded her treatment of me with a free trip (because it was 'promised' to her for graduating and shit.) Give me a break. If my son or daughter did what she did to me when I was sick I would give them shit on a sitck and let me tell you they wouldnt even deserve that! So anyway, no way in God's good earth are they taking her anywhere with me and my family and gifting her with another vacation, no way its happening while I am alive.

All I want is to spend 1-2 nights a MONTH going out with my husband on a date, thats it. We dont even get to do that. Its sad it really is and I think I have discussed it before and I really dont want to go into it again. What brings this up is that my cousin has 20 sum odd tickets that a friend of hers gave her to give out for the Bon Jovi concert on Wed night. She invited me and my husband to go with her and her husband. The only person who is responsible enough to watch the kids (because my son is sick and my daugher has CCD on Wed nights) is my Mom. My Mom told me she couldnt do it because she is being audited this week at her job and if it was any other week she could. I didnt know you get audited at night. She didnt even ask me to find out the details of the concert and let her know and maybe she could work something out she immediately replied NO she wouldnt be able to do it. She keeps saying how she wants me to hang out with my cousin when I mention that we are trying to make plans together and then she cant watch the kids. My neighbors kids cant watch them because my daughters CCD class and they are not medically well and my son is sick. Their father doesnt want to risk them getting sick because they are all very fragile diabetics. They cant be around sick kids because of their medical issues plus even if they could its a school night and they only watched my son ONCE WITH THE MOTHER HERE. The girl that did watch my son one time wasnt even alone when she watched him. She was 11 years old at the time and her mother came with her. When I came home from the birthday party that I took my daughter to I cant even tell you the disaray the house was in after only 2 hours of me being out of it. I cant even imagine giving the responsibility of 2 children who need to be put to bed and have homework done to this girl and her mom. Dont get me wrong, they are wonderful people and I really like them all. They are always nice to me and my kids and their dad is always helping my husband out with the yard and advice on plants and such. I dont have the luxury of having my parents and my husbands parents at my beck and call like my parents did when I was little. I grew up with all 4 grandparents watching me all the time. Heck, we lived with my Mom's parents and I used to sleep over my Dad's parents all the time. This made it easy for my parents to establish a great relationship and marriage because they were allowed that valuable time together. My husband and I are lucky if we get a cup of coffee together on a school day when my son doesnt get out early. But who the heck can have a romantic dinner or a movie NIGHT in the daytime when the food shopping and everyday errands need to be run. When my husband is home from work he is working on the lawn, car mantainance, house chores and a million other things and I am also doing the things I cant get done when the kids are both home. Its not very romantic believe me.

My Mother doesnt realize that my kids also need someone they are going to listen to and another kid aint going to cut it. I bet if someone called her with Paul Anka or Barry Manilow tickets she would find a way to go and thats what bothers me. I get a little jealous of my cousins parents who take their grandkids EVERYWHERE with them. My Mom says well so and so doesnt work so they can do that. No thats not the point. My cousin and her husband always take vacations alone and her parents or his parents or his sister or her brother watch the kids. They have a million and one options for who can watch the kids. They even have friends that have taken on babysitting duty for them! I dont have any of those options. This has gone on since the kids were babies so they are used to it. My husband and I havent taken a vacation alone since our honeymoon 9 years ago. I think after all we have been through with my illnessed and such that we deserve that. We not only deserve it, we desperately need it. You hear about people who go through medical crisis and dont stay together because of the high stress it puts on the marriage. Well, my husband and I and even the kids have all gone through the same or more stresses than many of those families that are not together today. Do my parents realize this? I dont mean to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself but at this point I think I have the right to complain. All I want is to have some alone time with my husband and do some stuff alone together for my sanity and my husbands sanity and even my kids sanity. Most of my doctors say that I have had more medical problems then 10 of their patients put together and they cant believe the great attitude I have maintained throughout it all. Maybe some of them should talk to my father because you would think all I had was a bad cold to him and he cant understand why I am "so angry". Gee I dont know maybe its because for the past 8 years of my life have been spent in the operating room? Yet my sister gets the benefit of the doubt. I also try not to think of what can happen in the next 20 years because if I did it would destroy me. When things like this happen though I think "what do I have to look forward to?" If I had some private time with my husband to look forward to maybe it wouldnt look so bleak to me. My parents seem to forget that I had an extremly aggressive cancer that has a high probability of returning or metastasizing to another part of my body. Thats just a fact not a prediction by me mind you. If I knew this about one of my kids I wouldnt give them crap about their sister treating them like shit. I would treat that sister (who would be my daugher in this hypothetical situation) the way they have treated my child and see how they would like it. How would they feel going through the chemo and surgeries and the endless tests knowing that your own sister could care less if you lived or died? My parents dont realize the ONLY reason my sister and I ran into each other was because my Nana died and there was no other choice for my sister. She had to be there when I was there. She did avoid it as much as possible though and purposely avoided me at the hospital when my Nana was there and even mentioned it to a cousin of my Mom's that she didnt have to visit her own grandmother who was dying because me and my husband were with her. Nice, right? My Mother seems to forget that my sister not only treats me badly but she treated my Nana badly when she was dying. Even though I have 2 children and a husband thats working as many hours as possible to pay the bills we went to see her. I took the kids with me and my husband even called out from work so we could be with my Nana which is a thousand more things than my sister did to be with her. She wasnt in school yet (she's a teacher) and she could have been there but she chose (yet again) to be with her boyfriends father who was 'dying' at the time and she had to be there. By the way he is still 'dying' and my Nana died on Sept 1st. No offense to the man who is very sick and actually dying here but my sister also chose him over me when I was sick so its a sore point in my book. The 2 times I asked her for help she used the excuse that she had to help him instead and the other excuse was that she had a life to live and wasnt able to do that because she was 'stuck' helping my Nana (my parents were away at the time) and she NEVER can do anything. Did she realize who she was saying that to? Ok, enough, next topic to talk/bitch about. Sorry.

My Dad came up on Halloween to take us out to eat and I thought it was nice until he constantly complained about the food we ordered and then took the kids out trick or treating and couldnt wait to go back home after 15 minutes. Its either all or nothing and my kids want to spend time with them and they also want to know why my sister doesnt want to spend time with them. My daughter always asks why my parents dont spend more time with her. When I was little no one spent more time with me than my both sets of Grandparents. I was very lucky to have 4 grandparents. My kids only have my parents because my husbands are not in the picture.

With all these situations, I give up. I dont know what else to do. No one is on my side that can help and my husband is the only one that understands how I feel. Thank God for him.

Now my next surgery is in less than a month and my husband is taking time off (that he doesnt have) and helping me. I wont be able to use my left hand for at least a couple of weeks. My Mom has only 2 days left of her vacation time so thats why my husband has to take off. We are relying on his overtime to pay the bills and when he takes time off to help me he loses the overtime. You can see how this situation further stresses me out. Plus I wont be able to knit or bead to relieve stress so thats even worse. I am hoping that I can crochet though because it takes less to crochet than it does to knit and I can probably do it with one and a half hands! LOL.

This whole thing (with my sister) has me stressed again for the holidays because we are at my Mom's and she is there. Last year was the worst Christmas I have ever had and one would think that after having gone through medical hell someone would have guaranteed me a nice holiday but no such luck. My sister pulled a tantrum when my Mom tried to send me home with a tray of food. If you want to read the whole story its 2006's Christmas time entries and they are pathetic but my Mom forgets about the crap my sister pulled that day too. I guess no apology will ever come for that horrid treatment either. It was not only me either but my kids who practically begged and pleaded with my sister to come out of her room to play with them. Yup, you can take a guess and you'd be right in thinking that she didnt.

Another thing that I almost forgot was that my sister still hasnt given my 5 year old son his birthday present so he keeps asking me when we are going to Toys R Us to get him the new Thomas toys that he wants. How rude is that crap? Please dont keep telling him that you are going to get him his gift and then you dont! His birthday was Oct 15, the same day as hers and I made sure to mail her a card that she got before her birthday with a note in it that told her she could pick out whatever jewelry she wanted at the party I had. How much time does it take to get a kid a gift card? Heck, if you are going to give him a gift card why not just write him a check and call it a day. This is another thing that my parents look beyond and dont see a problem but let me tell you if I forgot to give her a birthday present they would want to know why I was "starting something with my sister by not giving her a gift" or something along the lines of that statement. Even last year when all the crap was happening with my surgery and stuff and she was ignoring me and didnt even come to see me or call me, I sent her a gift that I HAND MADE. We all know that she deserves nothing but as usual I do the right thing and it just comes back to bite me in the ass.

Here's some good news. I realized the curly haircut I got (after I washed it) was totally uneven and I went back to get it cut from the guy who usually cuts it to see if he could fix the mess created by this woman who claims to cut hair. I should have not strayed in the first place. He fixed it and it looks great. It looks like the May 2007 pics I posted of the first haircut he gave me and I wanted it like that again. It was difficult because the other woman really screwed it up so he did the best he could. My goal is to grow the sides long and keep the back short almost like a Victoria Beckham cut but not as severe.

In other good news my cousin wants to have a jewelry pary and hopefully I can do it before my surgery or even if its after my surgery someone can help me set up and I'll be fine.

I also made a promise to go to church once a week after I drop the kids off at school. Even though I dont agree with a lot of what the Catholic Church says it doesnt mean I cant go to mass. When my husband is off he is going to go with me.

Maybe next time we will get back to some knitting and jewelry conversation and pictures too. I had enough of this crap with my sister.

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