My Knitting Mojo is Back

I finally finished the sweater I was making for my son's teachers new baby girl who was born in March. I made sure to make it a 12-18 month size so she can get a lot of use out of it when the weather gets colder. The yarn used is Great Adirondack Handspunlike cotton with a #6 needle. I absolutely love this pattern because it's a seamless kimono so no seaming when you are done! I made one for my cousins baby with the lion on it. Enough talking here it is:





I know that I have told everyone that I wanted my hair to grow so I can wear it long like I used to but I changed my mind. The other day I decided that I liked the way my curls looked when I had it in a bob. So I went to a curly girl salon to my usual curly girl stylist and she did a great job. I'll try and get a pic up soon, I promise. Jesse, the stylist says that it definitely looks better on me than the style I had before because it suits my curly personality which is so true. Crazy curls, crazy me.

I have been working a lot to make money to pay bills and all that jazz but I am sure everyone is trying to do as much as possible these days to pay their bills. I haven't had a chance to work on jewelry or knit but since I finished the baby sweater I can feel my knitting mojo coming back. I ordered a couple of books on Amigurumi so I can use the scrap yarn I have collected these past few years for something productive like a knitted pumpkin pie to be exact. I also got my hands on the Sookie Stackhouse series of books that the HBO series "True Blood" is modeled after. Barnes and Noble had a few of them but not the whole series so I bought books 1 and 2 at the book store and books 3-7 (or 8 I cant remember but it was just the paperbacks and not the newest hardcover) from Amazon.

School is out for the summer on Tuesday and my kids are not doing camp this year. God help me! My son is going to do a summer school program for the month of July which is only until 12:30pm M-F. My daughter is having hand surgery the first week of July so she wont be attending the Y this summer. We promised them that we would still do things so they will still have a nice summer break.

I Can't Think of a Title for this Post

Its been a while since I posted. So much going on so I will try to catch you up on what's been happening the last few weeks.
I finally made it to the ear, nose and throat Dr and he took a look at my vocal cords with a camera scope. It goes up your nose and down your throat and is uncomfortable at best. Yup, its annoying but at least the numbing spray really helps ease the discomfort. He told me that I had some nodules on my vocal cords and I need to see a Speech Therapist. He said that the nodules can occur for many different reasons and one is vocal abuse. Now, all of you out there will automatically think that it comes from yelling to much and yes that can be ONE of the reasons. I found out however that whispering puts more stress on the vocal cords than yelling. I never knew this. Also, since I had throat surgery a few years ago (thyroidectomy), my voice changed and was never the same. It was upsetting to me at the time because I have been a singer since age 6 and I was actually going to continue on to music school with my singing. I decided that even though I loved to sing more than anything, not to go to music school for fear that if anything happened to my voice I would be out of a job. Seems I made the right choice! The Dr also said that the area behind my cords were very red and inflamed from severe acid reflux. I say severe because I already take a medication for my acid reflex and its supposed to be a 24 hour medication. He suggested I go see my gastroenterologist and get an endoscopy. I am due for a colonoscopy also so I might as well get them both done at the same time to spare the torture of going in twice. Originally I was supposed to go into have a colonoscopy when I turned 35 because colon cancer is on both sides of my family and the Dr seems to think that we (my parents, me and my sister) might carry the gene for colon cancer. This is the reason he wanted me to have my first colonoscopy at 35. I had a few other things happen that delayed my colonoscopy but I promised that I would get one in the coming Fall/Winter.

Speaking of Dr's appointments, my next PET Scan is coming up due next month. Can't wait.

My Mom is doing the AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER for the third year in a row. Its a 40 mile race in NYC thats done over a period of 2 days. I was going to do it with her until my leg surgery in 2007 threw a monkey wrench in my plans. I can do a 5K walk, maybe even 10K but there is no way in hell at this moment in my life that I can do 40 miles even if its over a 2 day period. If I do to much walking now I get severe charlie horses in my thigh under the incision site. It sucks. Hopefully with me being on Weight Watchers and losing weight, I will be able to do the walk with my Mom someday. If anyone would like to donate to her walk, you can click on the link in my sidebar and it will take you directly to the AVON Website and my Mom's page where you can donate. She hasn't reached her goal yet but she has a few months to go. I am hoping that she raises more than her goal like the first year she walked. Last year I made up this whole plan on how I was going to get more donations for my Mom but it didn't work the way I had planned. This year I have a special offer for readers of my blog. I know that there are not that many out there but there are some. In no way am I as famous as the 'Yarn Harlot' or Ann and Kay of 'Mason-Dixon Knitting'. If I was I would have a hell of a lot of money raised!

This is what I am proposing. Anyone who reads my blog and donates to my Mom's walk can e-mail me with your name and amount donated. For every $10 you donate you get a raffle ticket put into my magic hat. After my Mom's walk I will have a few prizes raffled off using all the names in my magic hat. The more people donate, the more prizes there will be. Since most readers of my blog are knitters I think yarn and knitting related prizes will be part of the raffle. Maybe even some of CurlyBrunette's Creations Stitch Markers and Jewelry designs will be a part of the prizes. I am hoping this will help my Mom reach or even surpass her goal. This raffle is only for readers of this blog who donate and then send me their info via e-mail. My e-mail link is on my profile page. I know times are tough right now with everything being so expensive and all but I want you all to know that any amount is greatly appreciated and its going to a wonderful cause. Someday soon we will eradicate this horrible disease.

This is Knit Picks Bare DK weight Superwash Wool that I dyed with some Kool Aid and extra food coloring. Not bad for a first time dyeing experience hey? I gave it to my neighbor so she could crochet something with it. I knew she would love the color and she needed some cheering up. She was so surprised to hear that the color came from Kool Aid! I cant wait to see what she makes.



I finally finished my Garden Anklet socks from my LYS-Knitting Central's Sock Club! These were made with Colinette Jitterbug in the Florentine colorway. I also had some leftovers which surprised me since the yardage with Jitterbug is skimpy at best. I LOVE this yarn and how it knits up and I will definitely be using more of it in the near future.





Here are my No Pearl Monkeys made with Blue Moon Fiber Arts-Incredible Shrinking Violet colorway. I decided not to use the pattern that came with the yarn. The pattern was Cleopatra's Stockings by Yarnissima. After all the chatter about it being a little of a challenge I decided to use a different pattern. I will probably knit it in the future but I wanted to make sure I was finished with these by the time the next ones came along. The new kit is due to arrive soon since its the 3rd week in July already. I am hoping this next color is one we havent yet received such as PINK, which happens to be my favorite color. Whatever it is I am sure I will love it.



Another thing I hate to admit since I said I wasnt going to do something that I did. Well, I wanted to get my hair cut the way I used to-the Curly Girl Method invented by the head Curly herself, Lorraine Massey. Up until I discovered Devachan in NYC (thats her salon) I was abusing my curls and straightening all the time. I bought her book, The Curly Girl Handbook in 2002 and within a week I had an appointment with Carlos, one of her top stylists that trained under her wing. He was AWESOME and FABULOUS and I never loved my hair more. I let it grow to my waist and I only needed it cut every 6-8 months. Then it became harder for me to go to the city so I changed over to a stylist up here in CT where I live. SInce my hair was all one length at the time it was easy to trim. This guy I started to go to was fabulous but after chemo I didnt need to see him for a LONG time. After my hair grew back I got attached to another stylist who is also great but sometimes can be a bit scissor happy. He is still great none the less. Anyway, I wanted to go for a Curly Cut last week but no one had anything available so I caved in and went to the guy who used to cut my all one-waist-length hair. He didnt do a good job and cut my bangs so short that when they attempt to curl up they look really bad. I am so pissed at myself I could spit especially since I have a wedding to go to in September. I hate when I get impatient with myself and act upon my impulses. This is why I need to be patient and let it grow. Sometimes a bad cut can turn good once an inch or two grows in. After it grows in I think I need to either return to Carlos, Devachan, or another Deva trained stylist. I will not make the same mistake twice.

Better Late then Never

So I finally was able to get my pictures on the computer but my photo printer isnt working right. I tried to fix it and clean the nozzle on the heads and so on and nothing is working. I have to see if maybe the ink is bad. I bought a bunch of ink cartridges and had them in the closet for about 8 months, maybe a little more. What I didnt realize was the expiration dates on them. Who thought they had expiration dates? Not me. Well, I think I have to buy them when I need them and not ahead of time.

I am going to tackle each topic thats been going on that I havent blogged about one at a time. First, what made me crazy in the first place was preparing for my daughters communion which was the same weekend as Mother's Day and the same day as our cousins First Communion. We celebrated on Saturday and Sunday and I think I slept for 24 hours straight after it was all over. Here are some pics of my daughter that day:



This is my Dad the night of my cousin's Communion party taking pictures which he loves to do. The Mardi Gras mask makes the picture. We were all wearing them to surprise my Great Aunt who turned 90 that day.


During the last few weeks we were having big time transmission trouble with our 2002 Honda Mini-Van. We had it in the shop a few times and found out that it would cost $3,000 to fix with no guarantees. We researched different options and weighed getting a smaller car but realized that with the two kids we cant get into a smaller car at the moment. We do get good mileage on the van so we wound up leasing a 2008 Honda Odyssey. I love the Odyssey and since its a 3 year lease everything is under warranty. If something goes wrong we dont have to worry about it. I also highly recommend Courtney Honda in Milford, CT. We were treated with kindness and respect by a salesman named Robert Martin. If you go there ask for him and tell him I sent you.

My husband finally had his tonsils out last week and he's home from work for a few weeks. He's in a lot of pain but doing much better. He had to stay overnight in the hospital because his oxygen level dropped from the high 90's to somewhere in the 70's. He was given so much pain meds that it made him stop breathing for longer than a few seconds which caused the drop in his O2 levels. During his surgery I went to get my haircut around the corner from the hospital where the salon I frequent is located. I needed a general shaping so he didnt take any length off. He wanted to chop the back so badly and I didnt let him. I was getting the angled cut for awhile but I want to grow it and be able to put it in a ponytail or a clip for the summer.

A few days after my husband came home from having his surgery we went to Circuit City and bought the Garmin Nuvi GPS which is so cool! I was sick of going on MapQuest and getting directions. I also purchased a smaller pocket Canon digital camera with an awesome zoom and very cool features. I have the big Canon Rebel XT which I love but there are times when I dont want to lug all the camera equipment along with me. Its heavy and can be cumbersome in certain situations. I bought this camera for a steal! My Mom couldnt even believe what I paid for it. I cant even believe what I paid for it! LOL.

Right after I bought the camera I spilled something on my laptop and it stopped working. I bought my husband gelato since his surgery wouldnt let him eat normal foods. I decided to eat the remaining gelato in bed while I was on my computer and fell asleep causing a spillage to occur. Its fixed now with a new keyboard and a good cleaning of the insides. The tech told me that the spillage might cause problems to occur in the future but right now I cant afford a new computer. Hopefully this one with continue to work well. In the time being I need to learn how to back up info which I dont know how to do. Yeah, I know, pretty irresponsible of me.

I finished my Mom's scarf for Mother's Day. Here she is modeling it:


This past weekend I took a "Heel Options" class given by my LYS-Knitting Central and taught by the famous sock designer, Charlene Schurch. I learned a lot but it was an all day class and I was exhausted after it was over.

My son has been home sick since Tuesday with a killer viral/bacterial infection. We brought him to the Dr yesterday and got antibiotics. We started them yesterday after he spiked 105 fever. When my kids are sick they really dont fool around!

The puppy is still crazy and I will have some 'grown up' pics of him in the near future. He doesnt sit still enough to get a picture!

Back in Action!

There hasnt been much beading since before Christmas but today I got a chance to make a few things. I am planning on having another jewelry party before Valentine's Day at my parents house. I have received a lot of requests from previous buyers that they want to do some shopping. Hooray! Because I need to pay the bills and I also need to do a big wholesale order with FireMountain Gems. Unfortunately I have to wait for my tax return to do any of that. Here are some beautiful things I made in the past week but mostly today.

Pink Crystal necklace


Moonstone Leaf Necklace


Blown Glass & Swarovski Crystal Necklace


Cobalt Blue Glass & Crystal Necklace


Lampwork beads wiith Swarovski Crystal Bracelet


Blown Glass, Glass Beads & Swarovski Crystal Necklace


I also got around to finishing these cute mittens for my son. They were so easy that I probably could have made them with my eyes closed. Well, except for the seaming at the end. The hardest part of making them were putting the felt in and sewing it up with regular sewing thread. He proudly told his teacher this morning that his Mommy made him Shark Mittens and she now wants a pair! Maybe I will surprise her with an adult pair of Shark Mitts at the end of the year. I have to find nice thick felt like the kind that came with the Morehouse Merino kit. Maybe I will just order it from them. I am in love with the Dragon Scarf they have. Right now I am in the process of making my husband the Alligator Scarf from the kit they sell. I bought all these kits when I was at Rhinebeck and they were my all time favorite purchase. The Rat Race Scarf is really cute to. These are going to make awesome gifts for Christmas next year. They are fun, fast and easy which qualifies them as good gift givers.

Shark Mittens by Morehouse Merino


I dont know why the picture is off center here. Maybe it has something to do with Flickr? It does that sometimes and its annoying because I dont have issues like that with Photobucket. The thing is, I have to have a Flickr account for my Ravelry account. Oh well.

I broke one of my rules that I set for myself already and we are not even halfway into January! I had to go to see my Oncologist for my 3 month check up. He ran all kinds of blood tests which were all normal (yay!) and he wants me to go for a PET Scan in April since my last one was the end of September. Normally I would go for a CAT Scan but when you do a PET Scan it gives you a baseline CAT Scan so there is no need to expose oneself to the extra radiation of the scan. Anyway, back to why I went for a trim. The salon around the corner from the Dr's office and I called while I was waiting for him to see if they had an appointment open. So of course when they said they did I booked it. He took a tiny bit off my ends and also evened out the back so it can grow evenly. He knows I am in the process of growing it and I told him my goal at this point is to get my hair to my shoulders. Now, I do have to wait a while to give it a chance to grow but it always looks good for a few months after he shapes it up anyway. My daughter is receiving 2 sacraments this year and the first is Penance/Reconciliation in February. My hair will look perfect for that and also in my opinion it will look even better when it gets a little longer in May when she receives Communion.

Crap, crap and more Crap

Yesterday we had my son's birthday celebration over my parents house. My sister had to act like a 2 year old and insisted (to my Mom) that we have a cake for her too. I dont know why all of a sudden she cares about having a cake for herself because whenever we have a celebration for anyone else she never shows up. My Mom seems to forget that and thinks that my sister just wants what everyone else has. I know better. I know my sister wants gifts ($$) from the people who come to her party.

I know I did say that I wasnt going to bring up this issue unless my Mom brought it up and in a way I have no choice because at my jewelry party my sister had heard my Mom and I speaking about setting a date to have my son's cake. We had already agreed on this Sunday about 3 weeks ago because of the Sheep and Wool Festival, the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and the fact that my husband worked on the other weekends and couldnt do it then. My sister opened her big mouth and said, "Oh, you are going to just pass over my birthday and forget about me??" Just like a true narcissist to think of others! NOT. I couldnt believe all of a sudden she cared about having a cake for herself but like I said it was obvious the attention has to be on her and no one else. How dare my 5 year old son want to have a birthday party and she the 30 year old loser who still lives at home suddenly cares? I tell you she has not come to ONE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BIRTHDAY PARTY in I cant tell you how long.

My Mom suddenly comes to her defense on the phone today when I was talking about this and other complaints I'll bring up in just a minute. She says, "I dont think thats true, she's come to other family members birthdays." NO SHE HAS NOT. She was not at mine, nor my daughters or my son's last year or my Mom's or ANYONES!! I have no idea why my mother feels the need to defend her. Yesterday my husband also tried several times to speak to her and say hello and she ignored him. My Mom didnt believe me when I told her. My sister also disappeared for a good long time to her room. Yes, she did come out of her room but she spent most of her time in it. Thats no surprise to me. My Mom has decided to not get in the middle of my sister and I anymore and thats what I call taking the easy way out. I think that as a parent she has an obligation to because she had said to my sister (the night the big fight broke out and my husband apologized for name calling) that "this thing with your sister is going to end right, you're going to sit down with US 3, me, your sister and you, and all talk, right? She's the only sister you have (insert crying and sobs here) and you two have got to make it work (more crying here)" At that moment my sister LIED TO MY MOM AND SAID SHE WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. My husband took less than an hour to call her up and apologize because it was the right thing to do. BUT I WAS DIAGNOSES IN 2/06 and where has my apology been????? Yeah I thought my Mom forgot about that conversation so maybe this will refresh her memory.

When we arrived at my parents house yesterday my sister didnt even say hi to me! Lets not forget she has NEVER apologized to me for what she did to me when I was ill with cancer going through diagnosis, treatment and all my surgeries during this time and the surgeries I have had in the 8 years prior to my cancer diagnosis. But lets remember I am supposed to be the better person and forget all the nasty things that she has dont to me and "let it go" as my Mom says. My Mother is also an only child and has no idea what it feels like to have a sister who's chosen strangers over her own sister. My Dad is another one who doesnt understand because he's never been sick or spent time in the hospital for anything. My Nana was the only one who was always sick her whole life and she knew what it was like to be in the positions I've been in. Maybe thats why my Dad had so much empathy for her when she was alive (insert sarcasm here).

My Mom made a cake because my oven is broken and the first thing I noticed is that there was no decorations on it like a train or something, no writing and only two candle numbers were on it. A #3 and a #0 were on it. No #5 for my son mind you. I was livid that the 30 year old got her way over my Mom's grandson and it pissed me off immensely. My Mom admitted she was wrong for that. OK, maybe I shouldnt have said anything until it was time to sing happy birthday and my son would have exploded with anger at the fact that there was no #5 on the cake.

I am so upset at so many things and thats one of the reasons I havent really written in my blog. I didnt want to make it a complaint fest but this is my blog and its how I feel better. By talking about things I can work them out in my head and it makes me feel better.

Another thing I have to mention is that I am not going to be going to Camp Crows Feet (unless by some miracle of God happens). I decided that the small amount of money we can save from our tax return should go to a family vacation. Maybe a few days with my husband alone and then the rest with the kids. When I was going through chemo my Mom told anyone that would listen that she was taking us all on a cruise and you see how thats happend right? She wants to go away with all of us including my sister and I would rather get chemo again then go away with that bitch. Well, not exactly get chemo again but you get the point. No way in hell am I going on a vacation with her. Are my parents intending on giving her another vacation for free? I thought the trip that my Dad took her on to Vegas was a 'mistake' as my parents later admitted when I hit the roof that they rewarded her treatment of me with a free trip (because it was 'promised' to her for graduating and shit.) Give me a break. If my son or daughter did what she did to me when I was sick I would give them shit on a sitck and let me tell you they wouldnt even deserve that! So anyway, no way in God's good earth are they taking her anywhere with me and my family and gifting her with another vacation, no way its happening while I am alive.

All I want is to spend 1-2 nights a MONTH going out with my husband on a date, thats it. We dont even get to do that. Its sad it really is and I think I have discussed it before and I really dont want to go into it again. What brings this up is that my cousin has 20 sum odd tickets that a friend of hers gave her to give out for the Bon Jovi concert on Wed night. She invited me and my husband to go with her and her husband. The only person who is responsible enough to watch the kids (because my son is sick and my daugher has CCD on Wed nights) is my Mom. My Mom told me she couldnt do it because she is being audited this week at her job and if it was any other week she could. I didnt know you get audited at night. She didnt even ask me to find out the details of the concert and let her know and maybe she could work something out she immediately replied NO she wouldnt be able to do it. She keeps saying how she wants me to hang out with my cousin when I mention that we are trying to make plans together and then she cant watch the kids. My neighbors kids cant watch them because my daughters CCD class and they are not medically well and my son is sick. Their father doesnt want to risk them getting sick because they are all very fragile diabetics. They cant be around sick kids because of their medical issues plus even if they could its a school night and they only watched my son ONCE WITH THE MOTHER HERE. The girl that did watch my son one time wasnt even alone when she watched him. She was 11 years old at the time and her mother came with her. When I came home from the birthday party that I took my daughter to I cant even tell you the disaray the house was in after only 2 hours of me being out of it. I cant even imagine giving the responsibility of 2 children who need to be put to bed and have homework done to this girl and her mom. Dont get me wrong, they are wonderful people and I really like them all. They are always nice to me and my kids and their dad is always helping my husband out with the yard and advice on plants and such. I dont have the luxury of having my parents and my husbands parents at my beck and call like my parents did when I was little. I grew up with all 4 grandparents watching me all the time. Heck, we lived with my Mom's parents and I used to sleep over my Dad's parents all the time. This made it easy for my parents to establish a great relationship and marriage because they were allowed that valuable time together. My husband and I are lucky if we get a cup of coffee together on a school day when my son doesnt get out early. But who the heck can have a romantic dinner or a movie NIGHT in the daytime when the food shopping and everyday errands need to be run. When my husband is home from work he is working on the lawn, car mantainance, house chores and a million other things and I am also doing the things I cant get done when the kids are both home. Its not very romantic believe me.

My Mother doesnt realize that my kids also need someone they are going to listen to and another kid aint going to cut it. I bet if someone called her with Paul Anka or Barry Manilow tickets she would find a way to go and thats what bothers me. I get a little jealous of my cousins parents who take their grandkids EVERYWHERE with them. My Mom says well so and so doesnt work so they can do that. No thats not the point. My cousin and her husband always take vacations alone and her parents or his parents or his sister or her brother watch the kids. They have a million and one options for who can watch the kids. They even have friends that have taken on babysitting duty for them! I dont have any of those options. This has gone on since the kids were babies so they are used to it. My husband and I havent taken a vacation alone since our honeymoon 9 years ago. I think after all we have been through with my illnessed and such that we deserve that. We not only deserve it, we desperately need it. You hear about people who go through medical crisis and dont stay together because of the high stress it puts on the marriage. Well, my husband and I and even the kids have all gone through the same or more stresses than many of those families that are not together today. Do my parents realize this? I dont mean to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself but at this point I think I have the right to complain. All I want is to have some alone time with my husband and do some stuff alone together for my sanity and my husbands sanity and even my kids sanity. Most of my doctors say that I have had more medical problems then 10 of their patients put together and they cant believe the great attitude I have maintained throughout it all. Maybe some of them should talk to my father because you would think all I had was a bad cold to him and he cant understand why I am "so angry". Gee I dont know maybe its because for the past 8 years of my life have been spent in the operating room? Yet my sister gets the benefit of the doubt. I also try not to think of what can happen in the next 20 years because if I did it would destroy me. When things like this happen though I think "what do I have to look forward to?" If I had some private time with my husband to look forward to maybe it wouldnt look so bleak to me. My parents seem to forget that I had an extremly aggressive cancer that has a high probability of returning or metastasizing to another part of my body. Thats just a fact not a prediction by me mind you. If I knew this about one of my kids I wouldnt give them crap about their sister treating them like shit. I would treat that sister (who would be my daugher in this hypothetical situation) the way they have treated my child and see how they would like it. How would they feel going through the chemo and surgeries and the endless tests knowing that your own sister could care less if you lived or died? My parents dont realize the ONLY reason my sister and I ran into each other was because my Nana died and there was no other choice for my sister. She had to be there when I was there. She did avoid it as much as possible though and purposely avoided me at the hospital when my Nana was there and even mentioned it to a cousin of my Mom's that she didnt have to visit her own grandmother who was dying because me and my husband were with her. Nice, right? My Mother seems to forget that my sister not only treats me badly but she treated my Nana badly when she was dying. Even though I have 2 children and a husband thats working as many hours as possible to pay the bills we went to see her. I took the kids with me and my husband even called out from work so we could be with my Nana which is a thousand more things than my sister did to be with her. She wasnt in school yet (she's a teacher) and she could have been there but she chose (yet again) to be with her boyfriends father who was 'dying' at the time and she had to be there. By the way he is still 'dying' and my Nana died on Sept 1st. No offense to the man who is very sick and actually dying here but my sister also chose him over me when I was sick so its a sore point in my book. The 2 times I asked her for help she used the excuse that she had to help him instead and the other excuse was that she had a life to live and wasnt able to do that because she was 'stuck' helping my Nana (my parents were away at the time) and she NEVER can do anything. Did she realize who she was saying that to? Ok, enough, next topic to talk/bitch about. Sorry.

My Dad came up on Halloween to take us out to eat and I thought it was nice until he constantly complained about the food we ordered and then took the kids out trick or treating and couldnt wait to go back home after 15 minutes. Its either all or nothing and my kids want to spend time with them and they also want to know why my sister doesnt want to spend time with them. My daughter always asks why my parents dont spend more time with her. When I was little no one spent more time with me than my both sets of Grandparents. I was very lucky to have 4 grandparents. My kids only have my parents because my husbands are not in the picture.

With all these situations, I give up. I dont know what else to do. No one is on my side that can help and my husband is the only one that understands how I feel. Thank God for him.

Now my next surgery is in less than a month and my husband is taking time off (that he doesnt have) and helping me. I wont be able to use my left hand for at least a couple of weeks. My Mom has only 2 days left of her vacation time so thats why my husband has to take off. We are relying on his overtime to pay the bills and when he takes time off to help me he loses the overtime. You can see how this situation further stresses me out. Plus I wont be able to knit or bead to relieve stress so thats even worse. I am hoping that I can crochet though because it takes less to crochet than it does to knit and I can probably do it with one and a half hands! LOL.

This whole thing (with my sister) has me stressed again for the holidays because we are at my Mom's and she is there. Last year was the worst Christmas I have ever had and one would think that after having gone through medical hell someone would have guaranteed me a nice holiday but no such luck. My sister pulled a tantrum when my Mom tried to send me home with a tray of food. If you want to read the whole story its 2006's Christmas time entries and they are pathetic but my Mom forgets about the crap my sister pulled that day too. I guess no apology will ever come for that horrid treatment either. It was not only me either but my kids who practically begged and pleaded with my sister to come out of her room to play with them. Yup, you can take a guess and you'd be right in thinking that she didnt.

Another thing that I almost forgot was that my sister still hasnt given my 5 year old son his birthday present so he keeps asking me when we are going to Toys R Us to get him the new Thomas toys that he wants. How rude is that crap? Please dont keep telling him that you are going to get him his gift and then you dont! His birthday was Oct 15, the same day as hers and I made sure to mail her a card that she got before her birthday with a note in it that told her she could pick out whatever jewelry she wanted at the party I had. How much time does it take to get a kid a gift card? Heck, if you are going to give him a gift card why not just write him a check and call it a day. This is another thing that my parents look beyond and dont see a problem but let me tell you if I forgot to give her a birthday present they would want to know why I was "starting something with my sister by not giving her a gift" or something along the lines of that statement. Even last year when all the crap was happening with my surgery and stuff and she was ignoring me and didnt even come to see me or call me, I sent her a gift that I HAND MADE. We all know that she deserves nothing but as usual I do the right thing and it just comes back to bite me in the ass.

Here's some good news. I realized the curly haircut I got (after I washed it) was totally uneven and I went back to get it cut from the guy who usually cuts it to see if he could fix the mess created by this woman who claims to cut hair. I should have not strayed in the first place. He fixed it and it looks great. It looks like the May 2007 pics I posted of the first haircut he gave me and I wanted it like that again. It was difficult because the other woman really screwed it up so he did the best he could. My goal is to grow the sides long and keep the back short almost like a Victoria Beckham cut but not as severe.

In other good news my cousin wants to have a jewelry pary and hopefully I can do it before my surgery or even if its after my surgery someone can help me set up and I'll be fine.

I also made a promise to go to church once a week after I drop the kids off at school. Even though I dont agree with a lot of what the Catholic Church says it doesnt mean I cant go to mass. When my husband is off he is going to go with me.

Maybe next time we will get back to some knitting and jewelry conversation and pictures too. I had enough of this crap with my sister.

Pictures and stuff

I found this old picture of my cat in my phone and I wanted to post it here. It was taken sometime last year, I believe. I still find myself getting teary eyed when I think about him.


In my experiments with wire I made this bracelet. Everything you see on it was made by me including the clasp. I didnt use sterling silver because I wasnt sure how it would come out but instead used silver plated copper wire. I still think its nice no matter what it is and I have been contemplating making it with copper in a smaller gauge.


Here are two of the new Koigu colors that I picked up last week. They are certainly bright!


Some new knitting books, a cute Lantern Moon Notepad and Post-Its that say "SABLE-Stash Accumulated Beyond Life Expectancy":

I am actually making the Moccasin Slippers in the Lion Brand Sock book. I finished one in an evening. I just have one more to go and then a FO that I can post here! Yippy! Can you tell its been a while since I had a finished object? LOL The slippers call for Lion Brand Thick & Quick Yarn and sizes 13 and 11 needles so thats why they are such a quick knit. It was so hot today I havent worked on the second one yet.

This bracelet was actually a kit that I altered a bit because it was about 3 inches to small. I added the small Swarovski crystals in it and in the earings.


A couple of kilt pins (or wherever you want to pin them if you dont have a kilt) I made from wire and awareness beads:

This one is made with a cross pendant and shell beads:


This is a design that I have had in my head since buying these beads. Last night I finally put them all together and was so happy to see how they came out. I LOVE this set and plan on making another one with different colored beads.



Today was the last day of my son's summer school/camp. I was trying not to cry when I went to pick him up. The teachers that he had there were the absolute best and he loved them like they were a part of the family. His teacher, Wendy, refused to say good-bye and said that we have to come and visit next month because she is going to be in the classroom the whole month of August. I actually want to invite her over the house for a visit before my son starts Kindergarten. I cant believe that the summer is almost over. It has gone by so fast but I am not complaining because I HATE the heat or I should say the humidity and I welcome the fall weather anytime it wants to get here.

I dont know if I mentioned it in the last post but I went to get my hair cut last week. I havent had it cut since May and it was a tad unrully and in need of some dead ends being trimmed off. He didnt take much off, just a little. It looks so good when I left the salon then walking out into the blasting heat it melted or I melted actually and it curled right up! I love my hair curly but when its not long enough there is not enough weight to hold the curl down and it springs up. My Mom loves it and I do to when its 'just right' but when I have somewhere to go I blowdry it straight or in a flip. In other words I like to wear it different ways and there is nothing wrong with that. I dont make a habit of abusing my hair since its practically brand new! I forgot to take a picture after the cut but it looked exactly like the last time he cut it but an inch longer.

Recap

I went to see the Orthopedic surgeon yesterday and he pissed me off. First he says that yes, I have a tumor thats coming on/off my sciatic nerve. That type of tumor thats made of nerve tissue is called a Schwannoma. He then says that he wants to proceed with caution because of my history and consult an oncologist at Yale that deals with these types of tumors. I said that its causing me a lot of pain and it needs to come out right? He agreed but I think that getting it out without damaging the nerve is the most difficult part. At one point he backtracted and said that physical therapy would help me. NOT! There is no way in hell that I am going to go through PT and torture myself without having this thing in my leg removed 1st. Crazy talk. Now I am awaiting his phone call to see what happens next.

Here are some pictures of some (more) sock yarn that I ordered from BMFA. The one closest to the camera is called Pink Granite and its heavyweight Rockin Sock Yarn. I am planning on using it for my Starry Night Shawl Class with Jane Elliot thats coming up in June. I am both excited and nervous about it because it a "challenging" class and more importantly you have to know Kitchner!! Ahhhhh!! Ok, I know it already from doing all those sock toes but I still will be using my cheat sheets! LOL.
The other yarn in the picture on the sides (red and green yarns) are Colinette Jitterbug.


This is the Vesper sock yarn that I won on eBay:


Today I had my appointment with the Plastic Surgeon for tattooing and more importantly I gave him his socks. These are my DH's size 10.5 feet modeling size 12 socks:



He was so excited about the socks it was like a little kid on Christmas morning! Those things make all the hard work and staying up late to finish all worth it. I am so happy that he liked them as much as he did. The first thing he said was, "Look at all the detail in them!" Everyone in the office was taken with them also and it started a conversation about knitting. I also made the receptionist thats been dealing with my insurance company a bracelet and earings with pink stones and swarovski crystals. She loved it also and couldnt thank me enough. These people work damn hard to help me and they deserve all the gifts I can shower on them. On the way home from his office I stopped by Knitting Central to pick up the Lucy Neatby DVD I ordered along with her Falling Leaves scarf pattern. The DVD is the GEMS 2 and the reason I wanted it is because it has instruction for Japanese Shortrows which I have been trying to learn to no avail.

As I was leaving the Orthopedists office yesterday I was a bit upset and depressed. In a way I felt abandoned because I had thought that this guy was going to help me. I know that I had said I wasnt going to get another haircut before it grew to touch my shoulders but I lied. I apologize and I dont feel bad about it either. I went to a real hair stylist in Greenwich who charged me more than I usually pay but was well worth it because I walked out of there in love with my hair again. I took a few pictures and the first one is blurry but it gives you the best picture of the style. I am not sure why I couldnt focus correctly but I think it was because I was using the tripod. Definitely my fault but you get the picture.




The tattoo artist today kept complimenting my skin. This is the 3rd person that has told me how nice my skin is and I am so blown away by that. While I was in high school and college I always had pimples and in my opinion, bad skin. I never had full blown acne all over my face but still its not what I would consider good skin. They all want to know my secret and here it is: I use the Aveeno Cleansing pads at night to wash my make-up off, Clearasil face wash in the morning, & Aveeno Clear Complexion Cream after cleansing. Once a week I use St Ives Apricot Scrub and a clay mask with Bentonite to absorb oil and dirt. Thats it, no big deal. I was using the Nutrogena Anti Wrinkle and Anti Blemish Cream with Retinol before I discovered how much I liked the Aveeno Cream. I still like it but just use it less. Now that I have given away my secrets they're not worth anything! LOL I just wanted people to know that you dont need to use a million types of creams on your face to get results. Maybe using too many is counterproductive? Who knows but there you have it.

Yesterday we took the kids to see Shrek the Third. It was cute and funny but the 1st and 2nd were definitely better. I dont think it was the best of the bunch. There were some cute scenes at the end but I dont want to give anything away here. Next movie on my list of movies to see is PIRATES!! I CANT WAIT for that to come out! I think its opening on the 25th.
Next week is the Yarn Harlot Event and I am still planning to go even though this whole thing with my leg isnt settled yet. I am thinking positive. Elizabeth ZImmerman had said something about knitting on through all crisis and thats what I plan on doing.

Exactly One Year Ago

I thought I was prepared for my hair loss but I wasnt prepared for the shock that comes with it coming out. No one can prepare you for that. I know that my hair was just one of my physical features but it was one that I was very proud of and had for a very long time. It made me different from many other women my age because it was very curly and long by todays standards and past my waist. My goal was to grow it past my behind and it had been growing for about 5 years before I was diagnosed with cancer. It was 31" when I cut it to my shoulders. I then went shorter to my chin and then further up behind my ears. When I buzzed it last week I thought that would be the worse of it but this is. When I thought about the worse possible thing that could happen to me I thought about the people who would lose their hair to chemo and think that had to be the worst. I hoped that would never be me. Today, I feel like I am in a nightmare and cant wake up because it is me going through chemo and losing my hair. I guess there can be much worse things that can be happening but right now I cant think of any.

Exactly one year ago today I wrote this entry in my blog. Its funny because yesterday I went for a trim. Kind of ironic, dont you think? My hair has grown so much since losing it to chemo one year ago its hard to believe I lost it all just by looking at me. It didnt actually start to grow until August 2006 but it has grown a lot. If I didnt get so many trims I bet it would be touching my shoulders by now! I wasnt to happy with the way the girl cut my hair yesterday. She kept saying some annoying things to that got me a bit upset. One thing that pissed me off was a comment she made about how getting a terminal illness makes you look at your life and see how you have F-cked up in the past and are 'woken' up by having such a life altering disease and are given a second chance by getting through it. She gave the example of a family member of hers that was an A-hole and then was involved in a very serious car accident and then turned his life around. Well, let me tell you something you ignorant jerk. I wasnt an A-Hole before I got cancer, hell before all my illnesses started in 2000, so what you are saying doesnt apply to me. As a matter of fact I dont think that anyone gets cancer for a reason, there is no reason for getting such a messed up disease unless you were Hitler in a past life. Now I know in a past post I made about one year ago I say that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. I meant it in a different way then she was referring. It made me look at MY life and see what was really important like my kids and family and my health. She was giving examples of people who were living their life in the fast lane, doing drugs and crazy sh*t. I have never done anything like that or tempted fate or had a death wish like she said her relative had. Just to clear up some confusion. All kidding aside, I was so mad at her stupidity that I WILL NOT go back to get my hair cut there again. I dont even care if they have awesome stylists, I'm going somewhere else. See what happens when you open your mouth and spew ignorance. She said some other dumb ass things and everything I said she corrected me like my opinions and what I was saying was wrong. Hey, shut up and cut my hair. Your supposed to kiss my ass and agree with what I am saying not piss me off so I never come back again, When I left there my hair looked so bad that I had to put my head under the faucet, wet it down and do it over. When I say horrible, I mean terrible. I asked her to straighten it and she only halfway straightened it so it was sticking up everywhere. I regret that I didnt take a picture of it in that state. I probably looked better bald than I did when I left there yesterday. I vow right here and now not to get my hair cut for at least 3-4 months or until it looks totally sloppy and raggy and I cant do a thing with it. Maybe I can try and wait until the AVON WALK in October? I am going to try my best.

Time for a Trim

Last night my hair was getting on my nerves. Its growing out very curly/shaggy, whatever you want to call it, it's messy. Last time I went for a haircut was in December before Christmas so its been 2 months and I wanted to wait at least 2 months before I went. I am trying to let it get to all one length and the bottom grows so fast that it looks like I have a mullet, not that a mullet is bad if its your thing. Its just not mine. I decided to cut my own hair. I cut my husbands, sons, daughters and when I had waistlength hair I used to trim my own. Plus I am the one that gave myself the haircuts before it all fell out so I had faith. I also dont have $45 for a cut right now. I didnt take a before picture but here is an after:

Overall its a good cut and I am proud of it for the time being. Its growing fast and I am hoping that it will be in a bob style before summer.
This was at my birfeeder in the middle of the nor'Easter:

We get the coolest birds here, I love it. Thats a woodpecker (not sure of the type).
These are also some of my handiwork that I did over the past few days (I apologize for the picture because its very hard to get a close up and stay in focus) There is a BLUE theme going on here in honor of PROJECT SPECTRUM:

If anyone is interested in purchasing these just let me know. The last ones I posted about sold for $10 so they're in that range of $8-10 and the plain ones (airplane and hearts) are $5. I am going to swing by the other yarn store in my area to see if they are interested in selling them.
Oh, another more important thing I wanted to mention was that I GOT IN to the NANCY BUSH Vintage Sock Class!!!! I am so excited over it and I am nervous now to be in the company of such an awesome sock knitter. I hope I measure up!

My Hair

I knew right away from discussing things with my breast surgeon and oncologist that I would be getting chemotherapy. The three drugs that they are prescribing for me are Adriamycin, Cytoxan and Taxol. Everyone who takes adriamycin loses their hair. My hair is my crowning glory, my best asset, in my opinion. Its curly and down to my waist. Its taken 5-6 years to get there. I knew that I had to do something about my hair in regards to cutting it before treatment started. I decided that I was going to take control of the situation and be the one to decide when I was going to shorten my hair. I cut it myself the 1st time and I involved my kids and husband in the process. I trimmed 9 inches off. I didnt cry or get upset, I just did it. It looked really nice afterwards. I waited a week and then I went to a salon to get it cut shorter. The stylist cut off another 7-8 inches and now its chin length. I will not let this disease decide when and how I lose my hair. I will enjoy my hair up until the day it starts to fall out and then I will probably shave it.