Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Exactly One Year Ago

I thought I was prepared for my hair loss but I wasnt prepared for the shock that comes with it coming out. No one can prepare you for that. I know that my hair was just one of my physical features but it was one that I was very proud of and had for a very long time. It made me different from many other women my age because it was very curly and long by todays standards and past my waist. My goal was to grow it past my behind and it had been growing for about 5 years before I was diagnosed with cancer. It was 31" when I cut it to my shoulders. I then went shorter to my chin and then further up behind my ears. When I buzzed it last week I thought that would be the worse of it but this is. When I thought about the worse possible thing that could happen to me I thought about the people who would lose their hair to chemo and think that had to be the worst. I hoped that would never be me. Today, I feel like I am in a nightmare and cant wake up because it is me going through chemo and losing my hair. I guess there can be much worse things that can be happening but right now I cant think of any.

Exactly one year ago today I wrote this entry in my blog. Its funny because yesterday I went for a trim. Kind of ironic, dont you think? My hair has grown so much since losing it to chemo one year ago its hard to believe I lost it all just by looking at me. It didnt actually start to grow until August 2006 but it has grown a lot. If I didnt get so many trims I bet it would be touching my shoulders by now! I wasnt to happy with the way the girl cut my hair yesterday. She kept saying some annoying things to that got me a bit upset. One thing that pissed me off was a comment she made about how getting a terminal illness makes you look at your life and see how you have F-cked up in the past and are 'woken' up by having such a life altering disease and are given a second chance by getting through it. She gave the example of a family member of hers that was an A-hole and then was involved in a very serious car accident and then turned his life around. Well, let me tell you something you ignorant jerk. I wasnt an A-Hole before I got cancer, hell before all my illnesses started in 2000, so what you are saying doesnt apply to me. As a matter of fact I dont think that anyone gets cancer for a reason, there is no reason for getting such a messed up disease unless you were Hitler in a past life. Now I know in a past post I made about one year ago I say that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. I meant it in a different way then she was referring. It made me look at MY life and see what was really important like my kids and family and my health. She was giving examples of people who were living their life in the fast lane, doing drugs and crazy sh*t. I have never done anything like that or tempted fate or had a death wish like she said her relative had. Just to clear up some confusion. All kidding aside, I was so mad at her stupidity that I WILL NOT go back to get my hair cut there again. I dont even care if they have awesome stylists, I'm going somewhere else. See what happens when you open your mouth and spew ignorance. She said some other dumb ass things and everything I said she corrected me like my opinions and what I was saying was wrong. Hey, shut up and cut my hair. Your supposed to kiss my ass and agree with what I am saying not piss me off so I never come back again, When I left there my hair looked so bad that I had to put my head under the faucet, wet it down and do it over. When I say horrible, I mean terrible. I asked her to straighten it and she only halfway straightened it so it was sticking up everywhere. I regret that I didnt take a picture of it in that state. I probably looked better bald than I did when I left there yesterday. I vow right here and now not to get my hair cut for at least 3-4 months or until it looks totally sloppy and raggy and I cant do a thing with it. Maybe I can try and wait until the AVON WALK in October? I am going to try my best.

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