Sunday, February 25, 2007

My 1st Cancerversary-Feb 23, 2007

I have survived one year since I was diagnosed with BC. They told me that if I did nothing about the lumps I had found in my left breast that it would have spread to my bones in less than 10 months. Hell, within one month it was in my lymph nodes. Crazy, aggressive, node positive, triple negative, stage 2b, grade 3 SOB. Nice rhyme going there, LOL. Feb 23, 2006 was the scariest day of my entire life and I will never forget it. The Dr called me on the phone to tell me the results of the biopsy that was done on the 21st. My DH had taken the kids out for a ride somewhere and I was alone and thang the heavens for that. I am glad they didnt see me fall apart. It took me 3 hours to compose myself for a phone call to my Mom. When DH came home he didnt even have ask me what was going on he could tell just by looking at me. I never thought that I would get through all the treatments, chemo, surgery, tests and all the other stuff that goes along with having cancer. I was frightened of the chemo more than anything and rightly so. My DH being an oncology nurse had told me many horror stories over the years related to chemotherapy and what it did to people. At this point I was regretting remembering them and he was regretting the fact that he told me. I made the mistake of looking up to much info online and it got me into trouble. I made a promise not to do that anymore if it started to upset me. Instead, I would ask my Dr and that would be good enough. Sometimes its not good having the extra knowlege because it can make you think to much and not focus on what the right thing to do is even if the side effects are not pretty. The most important promise I made was not to treat my DH as my personal nurse but as my DH. He was my DH 1st and a nurse 2nd. I didnt direct any complex medical questions to him because he felt that he couldnt answer them truthfully. No one really remembered this day except for my DH. My Mom wasnt sure if it was a celebrated day or not but I informed her that I thought it was because I am alive. Many cancer survivors celebrate their day of diagnosis and many treat it like any other day. To me its not any other day and it will never be, thats just the way it is.

My DD's biirthday party at the bowling alley was yesterday. All in all it went very well and there were 19 kids there! I couldnt bellieve a major brawl didnt break out! Today we are headed over my cousins house for my great Aunts birthday. I finished the scarf and I also made some baby booties for my cousins baby. The scarf was taken in natural light because the flash was distorting the color changes. I used 2 skeins of Noro Kureyon with one hank of New England Highland Wool in Periwinkle which was 200 yrds. The total yardage was 400yds and the scarf is 52" long by 7" (I think) wide. I have a tiny ball left of each yarn so maybe I am a little short of the 400 but you get the picture. I thought it would be longer but oh well, she'll like it anyway. The booties are RY Cashsoft DK just like the Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Aran and the ties were some Plymouth baby yarn scraps:
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A friend whom I havent heard from in a year (last time I called her was to tell her I has BC) called me on my cancerversary. I thought she called to see how I was and how I was feeling but she called to tell me she had a baby, her 3rd. I didnt even know she was pregnant. I should have asked her, "Would you have called me if you didnt have another baby?" but I am not that type of person so I let it slide but it still hurts. She didnt really talk about me just her, its always been about her and all the material possessions she has. I told her that I am going to make her baby something and send it to her. I hope she likes it. Its the thought that counts, right?

Monday, February 19, 2007

A Long Story

Its been a long time since I ranted and raved about my sister. Things were relatively staying on the topic of knitting around here but this blog entry will be one of great emotional upset and disappointment.

Yesterday I went over my parents for dinner. DH was working and it was just me and the kids. I thought my Dad was home but when I arrived I found out that it was just my Grandmother and Mom there. I asked where my Dad was because I really had no idea where he could be. He had called a few days ago looking for a my DH's work # to give my cousin and didnt mention anything to me. My Mom then told me that he had taken my sister to Las Vegas!! Yup, you heard that right. He took MY SISTER to Vegas!! WHAT?!! Now, I'll try not to go crazy and keep things in order of WHY I am so hurt by this. My loyal readers who know the history of whats been happening could probably figure out on their own why I feel the way I do. I immediately asked with great anger in my voice, WHY did he take HER to Vegas? My Mom said that he took her because last year her and my sister were supposed to go to Disney World but the trip was cancelled due to my needing my Moms help going through all my surgeries and Chemotherapy. My sister could have certainly gone on the trip without my Mom and taken her boyfriend instead. I never understood why she never went on that trip.

I asked my Mom over and over WHY, WHY, WHY would my Dad do this? Both my parents couldnt even talk to my sister about how she treated me but he could take her on a vaction? She certainly doesnt deserve to be taken anywhere after the hurtful things she did to me, the emotional anquish she caused me and is still causing me, and my Mom knew this. My Mom also stated a few weeks ago that she tried to talk to my sister about the situation and my sister went off ranting, raving and screaming at how my Mom CHOSE me over her and a whole bunch of nonsense in my opinion. Remember, its now February and my Mom never confronted my sister over the situation that occured on Christmas and how she treated not only me like a peice of crap but her both Godchildren who tried all night to play with her. My Mom then said that she was finished trying to talk to my sister so I thought that included doing anything for her. If my son or daughter treated the other sibling in the manner that my sister treated me, there is NO WAY in hell they would deserve anything, let alone a vaction! My Mother went on to say that, "“Your Father is taking your family on a vacation, what are you complaining about?" Well, I do think that my family and I deserve a vacation for all we have been through. I did have cancer, I did have countless surgeries and medical problems over the past 8 years. Most of my childrens lives I have been ill. There were times I couldnt lift my son or do anything with him or my daughter due to my surgeries and most recently my cancer treatments. I have lots of mothers guilt over that.

My sister, who has had NOTHING of the sort happen to her, no medical issues or surgeries. My sister has alienated herself from the family, no one did it for her. She has then proceeded to treat everyone like shit and this has been going on for a long time, its nothing new. I guess that deserves a vacation. Go ahead everyone, when a relative gets really sick at a young age with a rare aggressive form of Breast Cancer that only 50% of women go on to live 10 years past their initial date of diagnosis, go ahead and treat them like crap. Ignore them and their children, when they need you the most (and dont forget you are their God Mother) and be a narcissistic bitch who never lends a hand to help even when your sick relative calls you crying uncontrollably (thats how badly they need your help) and say no EVERY TIME they ask (beg) for help. Guess what will happen then? You'll be rewarded with a wonderful vacation to somewhere, anywhere, pick a place, its your choice! Your ass is being kissed my friend so be that selfish bitch you are and go ahead and take advantage of the parents that YOU claim to HATE and blame your miserable life where you never wanted for anything and got whatever you wanted.

I paved the road for my sister and her bad behavior so if anyone should complain its me. NEVER once did I EVER complain. I already went over all the things that I have done for her and with my sister growing up. I WAS a good sister and I refuse to believe otherwise no matter what she says to my Mom. I dont care that my Dad is going to take us on vacation, its not the same thing. The difference is that not only does my family deserve it but we have earned it and need it.

When I was single working a full time job as a nurse, I was not living at home raking in the money from my job. I was paying bills and rent with my fiance (now DH). No one offered to take me to Vegas or anywhere when I graduated nursing school or anytime in my 20's. I am certainly sure that if my sister was the one with cancer that my Dad would not be taking ME somewhere but my sister! Duh, whats so hard to understand. We take the good for nothing, nasty, self-centered, materialistic, selfish, never did a thing to help hers sister on a vacation??? It makes absolutely NO SENSE to me.

I am not COMPLAINING, I am stating facts here. My parents have done a lot for me and I am very grateful. I dont ask them to do things, they do them out of the goodness of their heart and I cant thank them enough.
The point is that my sisters behavior is REWARDED all the time. She has never been held accountable for any of them and thats why she remains in a state of constant immaturity and there she will stay. The therapist we see has offered to see me and my Mom so she can talk to the both of us and maybe help my Mom deal with my sister but my Mom makes excuses every time I offer a time to see the therapist. The therapist even said that she would stay late to see us but my Mom says she is too tired from work. I guess, yet again, its not important or worth it for her. If my sister saw a therapist you bet your ass that she would go with her if she was asked. Double standards and hypocrisy.

Back to what the therapist said. She said that instead of rewarding my sister they have to make her own her behavior by making her accountable for it. By taking her on a vacation, what do you think that tells her? An idiot can figure that out. If my sister hates being around the family and my parents why would she go on a vacation with my Dad? She cant stand him and argues with him almost constantly.

I cant believe whats happening and I am so hurt and upset I cant even write it down. Ive been crying since the ride home last night. My DH doesnt know what to say to me to make it better. He's angry because he sees all the hurt that this situation has caused from the beginning. He also cant believe my Dad did this. They should have given her an ultimatum instead of a vacation. They should have said to her, "Your sister had an aggressive form of breast cancer. She has been through hell the past 8 years with other medical ailments and has basically had no help with the kids up until this summer when she was getting chemo. There is a possibility that her cancer can return so why dont you apologize to her and treat her like a human being because if the roles were reversed, she would be there for you. Even with her 2 kids and the problems she has, she would have been there for you. Re-establish a relationship before its too late. If you dont then I think you need to grow up and get your own apartment. Its obvious that you are using us as a 'hotel' just to store your belongings, shower, shit and sleep. You spend no time with anyone in this house or family and you are never home, so why are you staying? (FREE ROOM & BOARD) You took time to take your boyfriends father to his chemo treatments every Wednesday but never helped your own sister, your blood."

My parents think that if they say this to her that they will make it worse. In my opinion it cant get any worse so what will they be losing? They dont have a relationship with her to begin with so what the heck are they afraid of? Its all a joke.

I, as a mother would not tolerate my children treating the other in a manner as despicable as this especially if they had limited time on this earth. If you all saw how I and my children were treated on Christmas Day then you would certainly agree. My parents let her get away with murder. I told my Mom that she was going to get away with murder and not be accountable for what she did on Christmas and she did. My Mom swore that she wouldnt but guess who’s in Vegas? Not me.

I have never been hurt in this way before in my life by anyone especially a family member. I cant explain how I feel but its a sickening sensation that wont go away. I dont want to talk to either one of my parents right now, I am to upset. Thats how hurt I am. I have a burning, stabbing pain in the middle of my chest radiating out to all parts of my body. I have no one else, no one who understands. I am still crying from last night, I cried in my dreams and I am dehyrated from crying so much.

I asked my Mom why she doesnt just call sometimes and say, "I know your DH is working a lot and you are with the kids working hard. Do you want me to come up and watch the kids one night while you go out?" Just call and offer because its a nice thing to do. She got mad at me for saying this and I have no idea why. Is it that hard to ask me that? She says, "Call me and let me know when you want to go out." My DH does do this and my Mom says, "Its not a good time, I have something going on, I already have plans, I'm busy" OR "Call me closer to the day you want to go out otherwise I wont remember" Then when he calls her about the day she has made plans already and cant. DH has to make plans like that in advance with his job, its not easy. I dont have anyone else to watch my kids or anyone that understands my son besides my Mom. We dont have the money for a babysitter. Then she says, "I thought you were broke, how can you go out?" You dont have to spend money to spend time with someone. A trip to the bookstore is free and a movie is cheap when you only go once in 4 months! My DH puts a few dollars away every week so he can take me somewhere. We need to spend time together, its extremely important for our relationship right now because we literally have no time for one another. Then she says that she never goes out. Give me a break. She goes out more than any other grandparent of any of my friends whom are always with their grandchildren. Before I had kids all my parents spoke about was becoming grandparents and how they would do this and do that with them. I know my Mom works but so do many other grandparents. My cousin and my friends moms always help them with their kids and they didnt even have cancer! People that had full course, dose-dense chemotherapy, like me usually take years to return to the way they were. Their metablolism, sleep cycles, memory, stamina and other important functions of daily life are screwed up. Most dont work full time at their jobs because they are unable to have the strength to go 8-12 hours at a job. Some never return to the way they were. My Mom keeps talking about the AVON WALK that we are doing in October and that by then I will be “thin and in shape”. Its 39 miles! I am a positive person who believes I can do anything but please give me a break!

Everyone forgets so fast. They are all there praying for me every 5 minutes when I was going through chemo and then when I was finished they head for the hills thinking that I will be back to my old self tomorrow. I STILL NEED HELP! Its very hard for me to deal with the kids all day. My Mom keeps saying, “I dont know what you want from me?” I didnt realize that I was such a burden to everyone, helping and caring for me when I was going through the worse thing I have ever been through in my life. She never had a major illness either and gets mad when I mention this. She also doesnt realize that I lost a lot of friends going through my treatment. There are 3 that havent spoken to me since I was diagnosed a year ago. The only 2 friends I have are the ones that I have known the longest and they have families of their own. I dont expect anyone to drop their own stuff to help me.

I know that its a horrible thought but I have been so upset and hurt that sometimes I think it would have been better for everyone if I died. I dont plan on killing myself, I love my children more than anything but I have this feeling of hopelessness that no one understands. If I were gone there would be no arguing or discord with my sister, no one would have the stress I cause with this fucking disease and what its done to me. My kids wouldnt have to deal with their crazy emotional Mom. I dont know what my purpose is anymore. I dont want to die, believe me, after all I went through I deserve more. I deserve a sister who loves me for who I am and not who she wants me to be or wanted me to be in the past. I want parents that offer their help with the kids so my DH and I can have a night out once a month without me asking them all the time. It seems no one is grateful I am alive. They have abandoned me in the emotional department. They are there in the financial department but I need more than that. I need so much more.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

"I dont think that would be a good idea"

There is a LYS a few towns over that is going out of business. Already having been there once and not really seeing any savings I was reluctant to go back but curious as to how low their prices would go. They sent e-mails daily saying that they were lowering the prices further so I had to check it out, plus I had nothing better to do today but take a little ride. I only had a couple of bucks to spend because we are totally broke. I made a list of only the yarn I needed for projects that I had planned out. When I arrived at the store the 1st thing I noticed was that it was almost empty! I couldnt believe it because like I said the prices were not as low as they should have been. The wall that had all the 100% wool like Lambs Pride and Cascade 220 was EMPTY. Well there goes the 1st idea I had but not to fear I have plenty of that stuff at home. I then checked out the cottons and low and behold they had 1 hank of Patagonia cotton in the variegated pink/turquoise colorway! I have 4 hanks at home and this would make 5, more than enough for a caplet or shrug maybe even a clapotis wrap! I also have some Araucania Natural Cotton (1 hank) in a dark pink that matches the Patagonia perfectly and would border the caplet nicely. It was only $6 which is half price! whohoo!!! The second project that I was looking for a compatible yarn for was the Mason-Dixon lace curtain that I want to make for my bathroom. They suggest using Euroflax which one, I cant stand the feel of it and two it was very expensive even with the discount. Instead I bought some On Line Egyptian Cotton in a beautiful lavender color that matches my bath perfectly! That was only $7!! Then I found one lone ball of Cascade Yarns Bollicine Victor in white which is PERFECT to make the Fair Isle hat I have planned for DH. I already have 2 balls of the same yarn in hunter green and thats why I was looking for a white or light color to go with it. Total yardage is 342 yds and its bulky so I just might be able to get away with mittens and a hat if I am lucky. I should then use the largest needle I can get away with to make the yarn go far. I found an Ann Norling mitten pattern for $1 and its actually 4 patterns in one and for all different gauges too. You just fill in the blanks with your yarn gauge and start knitting! The last thing I picked up for 50 cents was a Susan Bates Crochet hook in size P for my daughter. She knits when she feels like it and I dont force her at all otherwise it will backfire on me. Yesterday I was making some washrags for my kitchen and I was crocheting them. Immediately she started yelling, " I want to crochet, teach me, teach me Mommy!" I broke out some leftover multicolor yarn (JIFFY THICK & QUICK by Lion Brand) from the socks I made her. All in all it was a good day. I already have the yarn to make my DH his fair isle mittens. I am planning on using Berrocco Alpaca for his mittens.

So finally I can explain the title of this post. I was looking around in the LYS and I had to go to the bathroom really bad. They have a bathroom there because its a huge place and also because they teach classes there and HAVE to have one. I was halfway in the bathroom when one of the ladies that works there came into the back area so I asked her, "Can I PLEASE use your restroom I am about to bust! (All with a smile on my face and a little chuckle thrown in. She replied, "I dont think that would be a good idea". You have got to be kidding me, right? You are closing this store in less than a week or two and I cant use the bathroom? It doesnt make sense to me at all and at this point I wanted to tell her where she could go and also say that people with empty bladders will spend more money. No wonder why they couldnt maintain that business. All this is not a surprise to me because when I first went in that store over the summer as a newbie knitter I asked a question about how much yardage is needed for a sweater in a particular yarn I was going to purchase. The same woman answered my question but had an attitude and it wasnt nice. My favorite yarn stores are where I live anyway. One is Knotty Girl ( ) and my all time favorite is of course Knitting Central ( ) . They treat everyone with respect and I LOVE going in there and never fear to ask a question when I need help. They are always as sweet as anyone can be to me and all their other customers. Cynthia's store is much smaller than the one that was going out of business and she does (just assuming from all the customers I see there and the classes she runs with famous teachers like Nancy Bush, Nicky Epstein and others). The most important thing is they have bathrooms that their valued customers can use!

I visited Knottygirl to see the owner about selling my stitch markers but she was out today. I plan to go next Tuesday and I am praying she buys some to sell in her store. If she doesnt there are a couple of other stores but they are not close to me. They were very crowded when I was there and I voted for the scarf I liked best in this contest they are having. The staff designed scarves and they are not labeled so the customer wont know who did which one and play favorites. I voted for a green one with colorful knitted flowers all over it because it was very Springy looking, also because it looked like it took the most time to do. I've done scarves like this for my Mom and one of my doctors and it took me some time because of the crocheted flowers on them.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Time for a Trim

Last night my hair was getting on my nerves. Its growing out very curly/shaggy, whatever you want to call it, it's messy. Last time I went for a haircut was in December before Christmas so its been 2 months and I wanted to wait at least 2 months before I went. I am trying to let it get to all one length and the bottom grows so fast that it looks like I have a mullet, not that a mullet is bad if its your thing. Its just not mine. I decided to cut my own hair. I cut my husbands, sons, daughters and when I had waistlength hair I used to trim my own. Plus I am the one that gave myself the haircuts before it all fell out so I had faith. I also dont have $45 for a cut right now. I didnt take a before picture but here is an after:
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Overall its a good cut and I am proud of it for the time being. Its growing fast and I am hoping that it will be in a bob style before summer.
This was at my birfeeder in the middle of the nor'Easter:
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We get the coolest birds here, I love it. Thats a woodpecker (not sure of the type).
These are also some of my handiwork that I did over the past few days (I apologize for the picture because its very hard to get a close up and stay in focus) There is a BLUE theme going on here in honor of PROJECT SPECTRUM:
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If anyone is interested in purchasing these just let me know. The last ones I posted about sold for $10 so they're in that range of $8-10 and the plain ones (airplane and hearts) are $5. I am going to swing by the other yarn store in my area to see if they are interested in selling them.
Oh, another more important thing I wanted to mention was that I GOT IN to the NANCY BUSH Vintage Sock Class!!!! I am so excited over it and I am nervous now to be in the company of such an awesome sock knitter. I hope I measure up!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentines Day Anniversary

A few posts back I mentioned that there were a lot of important dates during this month that marked an anniversary for me of sorts since my diagnosis with breast cancer. The first date was Feb 2nd, the day I found my lump and Feb 14th was the day that I went to have my ultrasound and mammogram. I made the appointment on that day because I thought if they did find anything I would never forget that it happened on Valentine's Day. I went in and had an ultrasound of both breasts and the tech that did it had this look on her face that I will never forget. She then called in the Dr to re-do the breast to make sure she was seeing what she thought she was seeing. After that they told me they found a tumor and that they had to do a mammo right away. I went into the next room and had my 1st mammogram. They had to do several shots MULTIPLE times because they were not getting the pictures they liked and my boobs were feeling crushed. Afterwards the radiologist told me that from reading the results of both tests that she wanted me to set up an appointment with the breast surgeon and a biopsy for the following week at the hospital. At this point I was nervous but not overly nervous. I made the appointments and hoped for the best. Thats how I remember Valentines Day and how I will always remember it.

Last night I finished one baby bootie that I am making for my cousins baby. I am using a lone ball of RY Cashsoft and its a blue turquoise color. That means it counts for Project Spectrum for Feb/March!! I am working on the second bootie and a hat made with one of those small looms. I had another lone hank of Blue Sky Alpaca Bulky Handdyes in the same color so I thought why not make a matching hat? I hope its not so small for her baby because he is going to be 7 months old and I am not sure how big his head is. If it doesnt fit I'll donate it to the hospital or somewhere its needed.

Today was an official snow day for all the kids in our town due to the Nor'Easter thats bearing down on New England right now. Its not snowing but sleeting and freezing rain and the wind is whipping in at 30mph. They are predicting 50mph winds later and I am hoping we dont lose power. I made sure to do all the laundry last night. H&R Block called and cancelled the appointment to do my taxes today because the accountant couldnt make it in. I rescheduled for next Wednesday. I need to get those done ASAP! I am sure all of you out there know what I am talking about.
Here is a GREY & WHITE picture that qualifies for Project Spectrum and a BLUE one of some kid that lives with me (LOL). Please excuse the grainy camera phone:
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Right now I am waiting for 12 noon to roll on in because my LYS is having my sock idol, Nancy Bush, come to teach 2 classes in the Spring. They are not taking reservations until 12 noon and only by phone! I am praying I get a spot in one of the two classes. One is on Vintage Sock Knitting and the second is Esotonian Sock Knitting. I would LOVE to take the second class because it involves multicolor stranded knitting but I think I would be better with the 1st one. I hope I get it.

I am working another dog sweater for my other doxie. Its going to be made with a bright red Caron Simply Soft cheap acrylic due to the fact that the Artyarns one I made the old man had a million pulls in it already and its just not worth spending $20-30 on yarn. I love the way the Caron is knitting up, very nice and not feeling like an acrylic at all. Plus its totally washable and dryable.

Monday, February 12, 2007

My Virtual Model

This is My Virtual Model that I created on the website by the same name. I was inspired by another blogger and I think that it will help me put my weight in perspective and help me to lose some weight.

Hopefully I can figure out how to change her as I lose the weight! LOL

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Famous or Infamous?

Well, I never thought I would achieve fame but somehow I have, at least a little. I cant lie and say that I am not excited to be on Get Stitchy! because I am! Its exciting that my blog is worthy of such an honor (said with a British accent). Its a wonderful thing not only for me but for others who not only are in the fiber arts but are Breast Cancer Survivors. Enough about my 15 minutes of fame onto my FO's.

Project Spectrum-BLUE Project:
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Here is Snoopy wearing my mini-blue sweater that I made in the finishing class I was talking about a couple of posts ago. Its made to fit a doll like American Girl but my DD doesnt have one of those. We have every stuffed animal in the world mind you so they will have to do! Its made out of Lion Brand Wool-Ease Chunky with size 10.5 needles. I could have gone up to an 11 but I was already 1/2 done with it before I realized this. Its cute and the buttons are my favorite part of the project (little blue duckies).

Another multi-colored VERY quick project that I did in 2 nights were these slipper socks that I made my DD:
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These are also made with Lion Brand Jiffy Thick & Quick, Rocky Mountains is the color. I used the magic loop method with my size 15 Denise Needles and the 40" cable attachment that can be purchased seperately. The toes are done in white with some leftover Lion Brand Thick & Quick so I guess it can be part of Project Spectrum because of the white (and blue somewhere in the midst of the rainbow of colors!) for the months of Feb/Mar.

In other knitting "knews" I am almost done with one of my Dad's Birthday socks and still working on my Aunts scarf which I hope I can finish by the 25th (we are celebrating it that day instead of the 22nd which is her real birthday so I get a few days repreive). You also might think that I have forgotten the Paton's Street Smart Cable Hoodie but its being worked on, slowly, very slowly and I can definitelty say that it wont be finished anytime soon. There are so many WIP that its hard to work on just that sweater all the time.

I am sick, still, and worse than the other day. Now I am on antibiotics that I started yesterday and steroids because I was having pain and trouble breathing last night and called my Dr. He wants me to go for a chest x-ray on Monday to see whats going on. He called in a Med Pack (steroids) to the pharmacy so I started them all at once before bed. Not only do I have chest/lung pain but stomach pain. My loyal readers know that steroids and me dont mix very well. They killed me when I was going through chemo and had to get large loading doses before, during and after a treatment. My DH, who is also on his second round of steroids and antibiotics stayed home from work today so I could rest. The pulmonologist at his job made him have another chest x-ray and it showed that he still had an infiltrate (pnuemonia) in one of his lower lungs. Hell, I dont know how he was working that way but we are in debt right now so he has no choice. I am grateful that he's here today.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Teachers and My Test Results

Today I had my 6 month post-chemo check up with my Oncologist. He was very serious when he brought me into his office and that made me nervous. He first reviewed my blood test results which were normal. Then he went over the CAT Scan which was for the most part OK except for the multiple cysts I have on my liver. I have no idea what they mean and he told me that its nothing to worry about and that he would be monitoring me very closely for changes. He then said that he wants me to have a PET Scan in 3 months. He also said that I would have to have these tests every 3 months for 2 years and then every 4-6 months depending on how I am doing. Afterwards he brought me into the exam room and examined me. He listened to this horrendous cough I have and said that he didnt like the way my right lower lung sounded. He gave me a script for Zithromax and told me to start it in a day or two if there was no improvement in the cough or if the phlem changes colors (YUM!) or fever develops. Other than that everything went well.

After the Oncologist appt I walked across the street to my OT appointment and she said that my arm/hand looked good and that I didnt have to come in every week, just when it gets worse.

On the way home I stopped at Knitting Central to return the broken Lantern Moon DPN's that broke the other day. At my finishing class last night Cynthia told me to bring the DPN's right back and she would give me new ones. Instead of getting the same length needles (the broken ones were 7") I exchanged them for 5" ones. They're called Sox Stix and are specifically for making socks. They come in this cute plaid organza bag that's great for storage and protection from the elements. While I was there Cynthia was asking me about how the class went last night. I told her that it went well and that I learned a lot. She told me that the teacher had called to tell her that someone was upset and I am assuming that she was referring to me. This is the reason I am saying that: Many times that I was speaking out loud but not loudly, I was told to be quiet and that others are working and that if I wanted to talk that I should go up front to sit. Then I asked a question (just like everyone else was doing especially one clueless woman sitting next to me and I am not trying to be mean but she kept asking the same thing over and over and even stitched the marker into the knitting accidentally because she didnt know how to knit around it or slip it to the right needle!!) and the teacher said, "Its in your directions, read your directions". How come she didnt say that to the clueless woman next to me? Especially since all you had to do was was READ the directions. I said, "I am sorry that I asked the question, everyone else is asking them and you answered them". I dont think she liked me very much. She had no reason to continually single me out and tell me to be quiet when EVERYONE else was having conversation. I wasnt speaking when she was either, I am not rude like that. The clueless woman was asking me a million questions and I was helping her. Then the other lady sitting on the other side of me was talking very quietly to me and the teacher singled ME out again. One of the ladies was a BC survivor and was talking to me during the 1st class and the teacher told us (me) that we were a ROWDY bunch. I dont think that I am anything like that and I was very insulted that she continually referred to us this way. Can you tell that I dont like this teacher? LOL Anyway, I love taking classes and I understand that different teachers have different teaching styles but I learned and hungered for more knowledge when I was in Sally's classes (I took Magic Loop and the Dog Sweater class with her) than in this class. Sally is a wonderful teacher always praising the students and making me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to. This teacher kept mentioning classes that were coming up and how difficult and challenging they were making it sound to difficult and I even heard some ladies groan in disappointment thinking that it would be to hard for them. Now back to the subject- It came to a point in the class where I was afraid to ask her any questions for fear that she would embarrass me by telling me to read the directions or shut me up by telling me to "settle down". Now I am not mentioning her name because that wouldnt be fair and I am all about fairness and it doesnt make me not want to take a class again but most likely not with her. Another thing that bothered me was the teacher kept saying that VOGUE KNITTING has an awesome book that many knitters refer to as the "bible" of knitting with lots of references and answers to questions. I actually have a book very much like the VOGUE book and use it amoung many others I have on my shelf all the time when I am knitting. Sometimes though I need to be shown how to do something and I go to for videos on stitches and stuff. This is the site that taught me how to knit and look how far I have come since I started in July of 2006. When I mentioned this at the class last night the teacher immediatley jumped down my throat and said, "Oh that site is not accurate and their abbreviations are not universal, yadda, yadda, yadda..." OK, let me just say that I couldnt believe she was doing this to me and at this point I want to leave. I wanted to leave anyway so I could get home and see ER so I started packing up my stuff. PLUS, I was FINISHED with my sweater anyway and I think the teacher took it as I was mad and leaving over that. Cynthia said that maybe she didnt know what to say since I was mentioning a website and it coulld be in a way betraying her business because instead of telling them to buy the book I was praising this site. OK thats bologna because the internet is free and all the videos on it are free and I am not getting a commission from anything I am saying, I just want to help people with their knitting. I didnt even realize that I left 10 minutes before class ended! The clock in my car said 9:23 pm and its set 3 minutes fast thats why she said someone left upset last night!! I just realized this! Maybe this teacher should take her own advice because during the 1st class we were all talking about the closing of another yarn shop 2 towns over and we were sad about it. Then we were talking about the other shops around the area (KC is my favorite and I am not just saying that its true) and talking about how we liked them or disliked them. Then I had told a story about a shop I went to where I was not treated nicely by the owner mind you and the teacher agreed with me saying that it wasnt right to talk about other businesses. Now we are not supposed to talk about anyone but yet it was OK for her to do it. Hypocrisy! I think I went on enough about this dont you. I dont want Cynthia to think I am mad or holding a grudge but I am upset the way I was treated and probably wont take a class that this teacher again. After all I have been through I am not afraid to speak my mind and especially if I am treated in a bad way. Shame on you teacher!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Finally, the Dog Sweater

I finished this Cabled Dog Sweater last week and my dog Frank (the old man) is here modeling it for me:
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You can see the cable a little better in this picture (notice my orange kitty's tail on the left side of the picture):
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This is the sweater being modeled by my DD's stuffed animal so you can see the detail in the front especially the cute button that matches the crocheted edging:
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The sweater was intended to be given to my black and tan doxie, Ernie but when I tried it on him it was very short. It was even a bit short on Frank but fits him much better than Ernie so I decided to give it to him instead. Now I owe my 2 other dogs sweaters. At least now I know that they need to be much longer than I had made due to the bunching up by the neck and shoulder area. Its so cute seeing Frank wear it all day and not want to take it off at night. Too cute!

I frogged the TOFUTSIES on the size 1 DPN's because I noticed ladders forming and it wasnt looking good. If I am not happy with something then I have to stop doing it, its just the way I am. I started over with Addi Turbo 40" size 0 and its looking a lot better. They suggest size 2's but there is no way that this yarn would work with 2's (for me that is). Its really weird because I am a tight knitter and I have no idea why its looking so loose even with 1's. Thats the reason I am using 0's. I should be done by Christmas, LOL!! They are so tiny and I cant work that fast because my left hand (the one with the lypmhedema) gets numb and hurts.

The BMFA Sock Club is going to be starting soon. They said we should get our 1st delivery mid-Feb and I cant wait!! I highly doubt that I will be done with this TOFUTSIES sock by then!

Monday, February 05, 2007

The Blue and the Grey

My DH and both kids are all on antibiotics and have been for the past week. It seems they have the cough/cold that wont relent. My DH had a chest x-ray yesterday at work and it was all clear for pnuemonia but they found that he had 2 cracked ribs from coughing up a lung the past week. The Dr finally gave him cough meds with codeine in it and he has improved greatly. I woke up this morning coughing up a lung and some nasty crap with it. Well, I avoided the plague for a month and now it seems I am sick. DH called my Mom to come up tomorrow and help with the kids because he cant call out from work again. Thank God she is coming to help me because my DD has an early dismissal and CCD tomorrow. I really dont want to be driving all over town.

February 1st marked the beginning of Project Spectrum and I already had my plans laid out. In my finishing class I am almost done with the mini-sweater that is a beautiful periwinkle blue. Then I came across the yarn that I am planning to make my Plastic Surgeons socks out of. Its Artyarns Supermerino and its a variegated baby blue and grey, perfect for project spectrum! I am going to use Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino in baby blue for the cuff (maybe), heels and toes because this guy has a HUGE foot, size 12. I am almost done with one of my Dad's birthday socks and I started a TOFUTSIES sock this morning. I started them out on size 1 Addi's but they do not have a sharp enough point and the yarn was splitting so I pulled out the Knit Picks metal size 1 DPN's. They were to heavy and they are 2.50mm and I needed something smaller so I then pulled out my Lantern Moon Ebony size 1 DPN's. I proceed to knit them off the Knit Picks, gently mind you, and I broke one!! OK, now this is the 1st time I am using these and they were not cheap so I am VERY pissed. I e-mailed the company and I hope they do the right thing, which I am sure they will do because they have awesome products. NOW I am using the always reliable Crystal Palace DPN's. I do have pics to post but I dont feel well so you'll have to excuse me. I'll post them soon.

Friday, February 02, 2007

The First Anniversary of February

The month of February is one of many anniversaries for me. The first one was today Feb 2. Exactly one year ago today on 2/2/06 I found the lump in my breast, my cancer. I didnt know at the time it was cancer just a lump of sorts so I wasnt yet freaking out. Today, without realizing what the significance of the day was, I went for my 6 month post-chemo CAT scan and blood tests. I was a bit nervous today and the person who did my scan was a sweetheart. Every time the contrast dye was going into my IV the piece would pop out and I was soaked with IV contrast dye, which I can say now is rather sticky. This happened 3 times and she was apologizing profusely (which it wasnt her fault but the silly cathether that was kinked inside my vein) and I told her, no worries. I kept thinking of the yarn sale that I was headed to afterwards and that made me feel better. That IV contrast solution makes certain parts of your body VERY HOT. It feels like your body is on fire especially your groin area, chest and throat but it doesnt last long, only 3 minutes or so. I wont get the results until I see my oncologist next week. The only thing that I am worried about is the flank pain that I have been having for 3 weeks and yesterday I had pain behind my right breast (implant). I think that its just muscular so I am not overly worried.

After the tests I headed to the yarn liquidation sale and picked up a few things, not much. It wasnt that good of a sale in my opinion. It should have been at least 50-60% off but it wasnt. For example Cascade 220 is usually $7-8 and it was $4.85. It should have been $3.50 or less. Then they had cashmere usually $29 and it was only marked down a couple of dollars! I asked why they were going out of business and the owner told me that the over head was way to high and they couldnt cover it. Business was down 55% and they were actually losing money. Its sad that we wont have another choice around here but I still love Knitting Central the best because Cynthia (the owner) takes care of her customers. I approached her last night about selling my stitch markers and she said that she already has a contract with the woman who makes them for her. I want to have an affordable option for people who rather not spend $35 on 5 stitch markers. Mine would be $10-15 for 5 depending upon what materials I am using in them. I am going to visit some other yarn shops but if thats not successful then I am going to open an store and sell them there. I just received some supplies from and I cant wait to make some more. I am going to give some to the ladies in my class to spread the word and maybe generate some business that way.

Last night I had my first of two Finishing Classes for beginners and it was great. We are making a mini-sweater and its coming out fabulous. We learned 3 needle bind off and the mattress stitch and picking up stitches. I knew a few of those already but its always good to be shown the proper way to do something or a different technique that makes something easier to do.

I ditched the fingerless mitts that I was making my aunt and made a little purse instead with the pink ribbon on the side. I have to take a picture soon. I am making her a scarf instead since she never takes off the one I made her for Christmas. I am making it in the Baby Genius pattern thats in MASON DIXON KNITTING and using New England Highland Wool thats made in New Hampshire (gorgeous periwinkle color) and Noro Kureyon alternating every 2 rows. Its looking great as are my Dad's Artyarns socks. I havent worked on my Street Smart Hoodie much due to all the deadlines for birthdays looming but plan to in the near future.