Sunday, February 25, 2007

My 1st Cancerversary-Feb 23, 2007

I have survived one year since I was diagnosed with BC. They told me that if I did nothing about the lumps I had found in my left breast that it would have spread to my bones in less than 10 months. Hell, within one month it was in my lymph nodes. Crazy, aggressive, node positive, triple negative, stage 2b, grade 3 SOB. Nice rhyme going there, LOL. Feb 23, 2006 was the scariest day of my entire life and I will never forget it. The Dr called me on the phone to tell me the results of the biopsy that was done on the 21st. My DH had taken the kids out for a ride somewhere and I was alone and thang the heavens for that. I am glad they didnt see me fall apart. It took me 3 hours to compose myself for a phone call to my Mom. When DH came home he didnt even have ask me what was going on he could tell just by looking at me. I never thought that I would get through all the treatments, chemo, surgery, tests and all the other stuff that goes along with having cancer. I was frightened of the chemo more than anything and rightly so. My DH being an oncology nurse had told me many horror stories over the years related to chemotherapy and what it did to people. At this point I was regretting remembering them and he was regretting the fact that he told me. I made the mistake of looking up to much info online and it got me into trouble. I made a promise not to do that anymore if it started to upset me. Instead, I would ask my Dr and that would be good enough. Sometimes its not good having the extra knowlege because it can make you think to much and not focus on what the right thing to do is even if the side effects are not pretty. The most important promise I made was not to treat my DH as my personal nurse but as my DH. He was my DH 1st and a nurse 2nd. I didnt direct any complex medical questions to him because he felt that he couldnt answer them truthfully. No one really remembered this day except for my DH. My Mom wasnt sure if it was a celebrated day or not but I informed her that I thought it was because I am alive. Many cancer survivors celebrate their day of diagnosis and many treat it like any other day. To me its not any other day and it will never be, thats just the way it is.

My DD's biirthday party at the bowling alley was yesterday. All in all it went very well and there were 19 kids there! I couldnt bellieve a major brawl didnt break out! Today we are headed over my cousins house for my great Aunts birthday. I finished the scarf and I also made some baby booties for my cousins baby. The scarf was taken in natural light because the flash was distorting the color changes. I used 2 skeins of Noro Kureyon with one hank of New England Highland Wool in Periwinkle which was 200 yrds. The total yardage was 400yds and the scarf is 52" long by 7" (I think) wide. I have a tiny ball left of each yarn so maybe I am a little short of the 400 but you get the picture. I thought it would be longer but oh well, she'll like it anyway. The booties are RY Cashsoft DK just like the Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Aran and the ties were some Plymouth baby yarn scraps:
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
A friend whom I havent heard from in a year (last time I called her was to tell her I has BC) called me on my cancerversary. I thought she called to see how I was and how I was feeling but she called to tell me she had a baby, her 3rd. I didnt even know she was pregnant. I should have asked her, "Would you have called me if you didnt have another baby?" but I am not that type of person so I let it slide but it still hurts. She didnt really talk about me just her, its always been about her and all the material possessions she has. I told her that I am going to make her baby something and send it to her. I hope she likes it. Its the thought that counts, right?

1 comment:

Curly Cable said...

Hi, Just browsing and popped in to say Hi, Love the bootees and scarf! I see you're a member of the STR too, this is my first year and I can't wait for the first package, I have read some of your previous entries, sorry to intrude on your privacy, but just want to say, after what you've been through and going through, can't beleive the way your family have treated you, reading your entry about your sister's vacation made me cry and I don't even know you, but still I'm sending you a BIG HUG from cyberspace. Take care of yourself and let's look forward to Those Socks that Rock ;-)