Saturday, October 20, 2007

Let's Get Serious

This post is going to be a serious one and one I never thought I would have to write about. It can happen to anyone out there so listen up, we're talking serious now. We moved to the town where we live in CT because of the great schools that are here. We wanted to be able to send our children to the public schools to get a great education and to be safe. Remember I said the word safe.

Yesterday, at 2pm, I received a call from the school psychologist and immediately upon seeing the number on my caller ID panicked. I'm no stranger lately to phone calls from the school nurse telling me that one of the kids is sick or hurt. I guess that goes with the territory. When I picked up the phone she assured me that none of the kids were hurt or in trouble but she was informing me of an incident that involved my daughter and another boy in her class. She wasnt allowed to tell me who the boy was on the phone but did tell me what happened. My daughter was basically attacked by this boy (she was on line with her class and he grabbed her leg to knock her down and then proceeded to kick her and then grab her leg again and refuse to let go with all his might, the teacher saw it happen thank God) and then while this boy and my daughter were sitting in the psycholologists office he said some very scary things to her that a child should never say to anyone let alone another child. He said, "I'm going to kill you", "you never shut up" and several other things. I was shocked that he actually had the balls to say this in front of an adult! She assured me that they were doing everything in their power to deal with this situation and they had said they were reassuring my daughter that she did nothing wrong and that she was safe and no one was going to hurt her again. I dont know why she would believe them when all these incidents occured virtually in front of an adult!! So how are they protecting her? There is only so much we can do for our kids and then they walk through the school doors and its out of our control. We then turn our childrens care over to the school and I dont want to eat my liver from 9am-3:30pm every day, its not fair to me.

I went to pick up my daughter and son at the usual time and my husband who was headed home from a half day of work met me at the school. I wanted to hear the story from her and see what happened then go in and talk to the principal about it.
When my daugher got in the car I remained silent because I didnt want to influence what she was going to say. She proceeded to tell me exactly what the psychologist said and then some. She told me that this kid (she identified him to me) has done this to her many times where the teachers havent seen and also that he "spies" on her. I asked her what that meant and she said that he asks other students to see what she is doing and report back to him. Nice, we have a stalker in the second freakin' grade now! When she told me who this boy was red flags went up in my head and my husbands because we immediately looked at each other and he said to me, "You know his father is a cop?" I said, "No, really? Then there are guns in the house?" My husband replied, "You better get in there and talk to that principal". During the telling of what happened my daughter would not stop crying and saying, "Mommy, Daddy, he said he's going to kill me and he said he would do it many times before too". I cant tell you how mad I was at this moment but I knew my anger was going to help me if I kept it in control and would be no help to me if I lost it. Thats why I went into the school and not my husband.

When I finally was sitting in the principals office with the vice-principal, school psychologist, my daughters teacher and the principal himself I told them my concerns. My first concern was that my daughter who loves school is now out in my car crying her eyes out scared to come to school because this boy has a vendetta against her for no reason whatsoever. They assured me that they were taking all the steps to resolve the problem but because of confidentiality reasons that couldnt say what the punishment would be. What bullshit that is. Like I wouldnt find out anyway. All this confidentiality crap, what a joke. It does more harm than good. I told them that my Dad was a teacher in the Bronx, NY for over 20 years and dealt with kids like this all the time and back then they used corporal punishment and there was no violence like we see in the news today of school shootings and stuff. I told them my concern that there was guns in the home of this boy and for not only my daughters saftey but theirs that something needs to be done about this NOW. I told them I wanted this kid suspended and possibly expelled. How many times does he have to hurt my daughter and threaten her? Do I have to get a phone call that she's dead then something will be done? This is scaring me more than you know and I told them that I dont need this in my life right now with all that I have been through and have to still go through with my possible upcoming surgery. I also filled them in on how much my 2 kids have gone through and that the word "kill" and "death" are not taken lightly in my home.

My kids have seen 3 of their great-grandparents die and have gone to the wake and funerals. I have never kept death hidden from them. My daughter knows what cancer is because of my breast cancer and the fact that my husband is an oncology nurse so she knows what death is. Even though I reasured her about me not dying she knew that there was a possibility I could. She asked me a few times and I told her, no, I wasnt going to leave her. I said this to them because the psychologist told me that she didnt think that this kid understands the meaning behind what he said. Now with some kids I agree with that but not with my kids because of what I said above. Even if they dont understand what they said and then they carry it out its still done, you cant get someones life back because the kid says, "We'll I didnt mean I was going to kill him, just hurt him". Well now he's dead asshole so what are we going to do about this? Are we going to wait for another Columbine? Is that whats going to happen? NO WAY. NO ONE IS GOING TO HURT MY CHILDREN, NO ONE. Maybe this kid is seeing to much of what his father does (as a cop) and thinks that its OK to say crap like this and to stalk another 7.5 year old. He sits right next to her in class and under his breath is always threatening her to shut up and keep quiet so now this little sociopath is going to interfere with my daughters education? NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I will not however do anything on my own, like go to their home or call them. I dont want to add any fuel to the fire. The psychologist told me that the mother of the boy came in to pick him up because he was so out of control that he couldnt return to the classroom and she was shocked and very sorry that this happened and wanted to know if it was OK to call me and I told her to say NO. I dont want her to call me and she should feel bad and I hope it ruins her weekend because her son sure as hell ruined mine and my families. You should have raised your son not to act like an animal toward others and say things like that.I know if I EVER said or did anything like he did my parents would have made me swallow my teeth and then some. My parents wouldnt tolerate that type of behaviour, NEVER, not even between me and my sister. There is never a reason to hurt someone or say something like that. The only time I gave my children permission to hurt someone is if they are in a situation where there is no parent or teacher around and they are in danger then its OK to push the aggressor away and get help.

The principal is calling me on Sunday night to reasure my daughter and talk with me about this and I am going to tell him that, number one I dont think this kid should come to school for a while (suspend this little prick), second, move his seat away from my daughter and maybe just move him the hell out of the class, thirdly, IF he gets to stay at this school (which after all the crap hes done I dont think he should be allowed to stay) and another incident occurs then he is EXPELLED and never allowed back. Some times we have to just sweep the shit right out of the room so the room can be clean again. My husband is going to take off work on Monday so we can speak with the principal if need be and I would like to see what they are doing about this situation. I hope they have the balls to do whats right otherwise they will have to deal with the wrath of me, my husband, and my parents and believe me, it wont be pretty.

I apologize for this downer of a story but I think we all need to know these things can happen to our kids in our schools even if we think they wont. My daugher never had an enemy and she is friendly with everyone. She is the opposite of me when I was her age. I was never popular at all. I was the kid (braces, glasses and short) the bullies picked on all the time until my grandfather went over the one of these boys homes and threatend them. Thats when it slowed down a lot and I think it might have even stopped. By the way, the bully that used to torture me all the time has spent time in and out of prison and might still be in prison right now. What a shocker!

This weekend we are headed to Rhinebeck to the NY Sheep & Wool Festival which my kids loved last year. We are going to have a great time and I wish I can get my parents to go but they arent interested in that kind of stuff.
Here is a picture from my son's birthday to put a smile on your face:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Hopefully next time I post I will have some great pictures from Rhinebeck of my spoils and the beautiful festival. I am hoping I can get a drop spindel and some roving to spin up my own handspun. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a cheap spinning wheel.


Curly Cable said...

So sorry to hear your news, that is just so terrible, and your right it should not be taken lightly as though the boy doesn't understand what he means, All kids that age see "killing" on TV all the time and they do understand. The boy's identity should not be protected, other parents should be told, so they know what kinda kid he is, there may be other kids being threatened the same, who are to frightened to speak out, so it must be STOPPED. I don't have children but I do have nieces and if it was me I'd be inclined to keep my child away, if the school insists on turning a blind eye and letting him attend as normal. You or your husband don't need this worry on top of everything else and neither does your lovely daughter. Her school days should be happy one's not one's of fear. Sorry to rant on your blog, as if your not going through enough already. But here in the UK it seems the same it always the victim at fault and made to suffer, just because of a handful of life's loser's. So you go for it girl, and Stand your ground! Your a toughie! and a big hug for courage too :)

CurlyBrunette said...

Thanks CC, I am sending you an e-mail through ravelry to let you know what happened.