Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A Day of Tests and Other Thoughts

Today I spent all day at the hospital having several tests. I had a CAT Scan, Bone Scan and an Echocardiogram. Results usually take a few days but the preliminaries should be out tomorrow. I am a bit anxious about them and would like to know ASAP if there is metastasis of my cancer. I am happy they did them all in one day though!

Last night I got my hair cut VERY short, in a pixie type style and its so UGLY I now cant wait for it to fall out. I am definitely going to start using my hats and bandanas to cover this ugly doo. I am also actively looking for a wig and there is a place in NYC- Joseph Paris, who make gorgeous wigs that look absolutely real. He talked to me on the phone and told me all the things to look for when buying a wig and how to get it to fit properly. These are things I never knew. His wigs range in price from $500-$4,000. I dont want to spend more than $500 because I dont think my insurance co is going to cover any of the cost. I spoke to someone there today and she told me that the provider (hubbies job) opted out of the wig benefit. Oh, God forbid! How much would that have to cost them? Whats the price of someones dignity? Especially when they are going through cancer treatment. I am going to fight it and see what I can do. What if I had alopecia areata where my hair would not grow back and I needed a good quality wig that costs a lot of money? Would they even care? Something tells me that they wouldnt give a sh*t unless it was one of their family members then someone would change that stupid rule really quick.

I am also getting emotional at the thought of losing my breasts to a bilateral mastectomy. This is going to probably be happening after my chemo is finished and my blood counts are normal again. Most likely September or October of this year. I know they can make them look nice with plastic surgery but whats bothering me is more of a sentimental, intimate connection that I had with both my children due to breastfeeding so long. I am thinking of all the nights they woke me up because they wanted Mommy's milk. I started to cry earlier thinking about it but I refuse to dwell in that emotional state and think negatively. I must think positive otherwise I will be engulfed in negativity and that wont be healthy for me at this time.

1 comment:

Birdie said...

I'm sending many healing thoughts and prayers your way. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a sister with breast cancer and she is undergoing some difficult treatment right now. Many hugs to you. Your positive attitude will guide you through this, so will your loving family.