Thursday, September 28, 2006

Our 8th Wedding Anniversary

Wow, I have really been neglecting my journal and for good reasons. I have been very busy and exhausted with the kids and DH working. This is the 1st time I have had to write. I have an OT appointment this afternoon and a PS appointment tomorrow. I am not looking forward to the PS appointment but at least I dont have that much longer to go. He said 2-3 more fill ups if I am happy with them. I am not sure so I cant say that this is a definite. I might want them inflated a little bit more That sounds so funny to say that.

Tonight I might attend a Stitch n Bitch but that also depends if I am exhausted and if its raining because its a drive away and I dont want to drive in bad weather. On the knitting front I have ripped up my cable scarf for the DR and started over. I wasnt liking the way the edges looked. They probably looked fine to everyone else but me. I am also almost done with the sock (finally). I made a hat originally for my son but its a bit small so I am going to give it to my Mom's friend who has a 3 year old girl with a smaller head (I hope). My OT (who knits) told me that there is a yarn store going out of business 5 miles from the hospital so I might have to check that out today before my appoitment. I should get there early so I can go have my blood drawn but I dont want to have to wait forever so maybe I'll do the blood thing tomorrow. I also have a scarf that I am making for myself in the works. I am not liking the way its coming out but the yarn I am using makes it impossible to rip back so I decided to embellish it later on with some fancy crocheted edging. Easy solution, combine knitting and crocheting and there you have it.

These expanders are driving me crazy! Yesterday I had to lift my 40lb son out of his car seat (he was sleeping) and after that I was having muscle spasms in my 'boobs'. I cant wait to get the implants in and these things out!

Sept 26th was our 8th Wedding Anniversary! We might go out Friday night to the movies or dinner. Not sure yet what we want to do. I cant believe I know my husband 13 years and we have been together for 11 of them.

Recently, I have had many thoughts running through my mind about recurrance and what I would do if the cancer came back. I promised myself I would not go there but its inevitable that I would. I had a very agressive cancer that hasnt been really studied as much as the others (triple negative where you cant treat with tamoxifen or any hormone blocking therapy) It was not only triple negative but multifocal meaning 2 types of cancers in the breast and grade 3. Many people get stuck on worrying about stage (I was stage 2b) where it distinguishes whether or not the lymph nodes are involved and if its spread further and beyond that but dont realize that Grade is more important. I wont get all technical on you but grade will basically tell you how agressive a cancer is (in laymans terms). Almost 100% of triple negatives are grade 3. You cant help but think about it because its a big possibility. I know that I would have no choice but to fight like I did before but it would scare me to death. Its hard not thinking about it and doing so doesnt change anything so what good is it? I just had to write this now so when I come back later and have all my words explode on the page you'll at least know they didnt come from no where.

NO, my sister hasnt called me yet. I'm not holding my breathe either.

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