Well, I am not going to go off on a rant which I want to do but what would it solve? Here is a semi-rant because it makes me feel better and I'll just say that I am very hurt and upset. I have been in pain for so long that instead of people (I wont say who) asking me if I need any help this weekend with my kids since my DH is working and due to my surgery which I found out yesterday is next Friday they run off on a mini-vacation. They'll claim that they dont do anything for themselves and blah blah blah but I will be selfish for once in my life: Cant they see whats right in front of them or is it that I have been ill for such a long time that its like the boy who cried wolf? Am I expected to "live with it" (the pain) and "suck it up". All I know is anyone who gave a shit would have been here at my house this weekend helping me with my kids. But of course they wouldnt know what its like to be the patient for almost 9 years or have pain where you cant even walk. I am taking so much pain medicine just to function that I am falling asleep standing up. I'll hear the bullsh*t that I was invited to go with this person but how the hell am I supposed to go anywhere and have fun or do anything remotely enjoyable when I am in so much pain? This person just doesnt get it because they have never been in my positon. Why do I always have to ask for help? Cant they offer it? My friends have nothing wrong with them and their parents practically watch their kids 24/7. I am not asking for that but give me a break. I am sick of hearing, "I didnt know you needed help, why didnt you ask?" You mean to tell me that you cant tell with all the Dr's visits, diagnostic tests, and pain medication that I am taking that you cant tell I need help? Do you need a brick to hit you on the f-ing head? Wake up. I apologize for my medical problems interfering with peoples lives but they seem to forget that this IS MY life. I am living this hell and it wont end no matter what I do. I dont have an endless supply of help lining up at my door asking if I need anything. I do have friends but most of them dont live close and have lives of their own and children to take care of. I dont expect them to drop everything for me. I dont want to argue about this because my feelings dont mean anything to anyone. Everytime I try to explain what I just did I get silenced and shut up. I am unable to complete my sentences so thats the reason I wrote this blog entry.
I get upset when I see others who have sisters or brothers that give a shit knowing that my sister doesnt care if I live or die. She'd probably show up at my funeral like a hypocrite and cry that she cared so much and a whole bunch of other crap. I could go on and on but I wont. I'll skip to a subject that makes me happy.
On Thursday night I had my 1st Starry Night Shawl class with Jane Elliot. When I got there she wanted to see the yarn I chose and she told me nicely that although it was a gorgeous variegated yarn, it wasnt going to work with the pattern. Since it wasnt a continuous pattern it wasnt going to stripe correctly and would ruin the design of the shawl. I took pictures to show what I mean but I havent had a chance to get them on the computer. It took me a while but I finally chose to use Karabella's Vintage Cotton in a deep rose color. I am using size 4 needles which makes it a sport weight yarn but it feels more like a fingering weight to me. The design is made up of 15 hexagons that have a crocheted flower petal center. After all the hexagons are made they are kitchnered together and then you put the entire shawl on a 60" circular needle to finish the design. Finally the edgings are crocheted and the shawl is complete. By that time I'll be in a nursing home and will get full use of the shawl sitting in my geri-chair under the A/C. (that was a sad attempt at humor there). I have so far completed 2 hexagons and that means the count down to completion is 13 hexagons. Its diffiult to do when there are distractions because if you make a mistake you have to start all over again. The hexagons are also made on 10" DPN's and another hazard of making this shawl is that you can poke your eye out or someone else's. We have some really nice people in the class and whats nice is they all know what they're doing and there are no stupid questions that waste the teachers time. That happened in my finishing class that I took in February. There was one lady that didnt even know how to do a simple decrease. No offense but why the heck are you taking the class if you cant even do a decrease? Enough bitching for one post. Time to knit.