The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I did start the day in a wonderful mood and then it all went to hell when I had my appointment with my oncologist to review my PET Scan. He found something that was very unusual and its scaring the crap out of me. It something that showed up in my left thigh and its in the upper portion 3 inches below my groin. It seems to be very deep so it cant be felt by palpation. He said that it could be a benign tumor or a malignant one. It also could be a lymph node which he really doesnt think it is because its not in the right place to be one. Whatever it is I want to know now and I dont want to wait for further tests. Over the past few weeks I have had pain in my legs particularly the left one. The Dr said that breast cancer doesnt usually metastasize to that area, its unusual. I also reminded him that its me we are talknig about and there is never anything normal about me or what I have gone through so I dont believe what anyone says anymore. I have an MRI scheduled for Saturday and with an orthopedic neurosurgeon next week. I am praying that is nothing bad, I dont want to go through chemo again. I dont think I could do it again.

Here is a cute picture to put a smile on your face. This was taken after the Art Show at my DD's school. This is also the night my son got really sick and was up all night. He looks good in this picture, you would never know he would be throwing up his guts a few hours later.


Here is my DD with our 3 mini-doxies. They all went to the vet today and then my older one (the one with all the grey in his face) had an allergic reaction and his whole muzzle blew up like a prize fighter who got hit in the face one to many times.


This is the bracelet I made for my Mom. It was a tiny bit to big so I have to make it smaller for her little wrists. Its a little out of focus.


These are the Breast Cancer Ribbon pins made out of polymer clay. I gave one out to all the women on Mother's Day.


I took this one of us on our front steps with my new tripod. Finally I am in a picture with the rest of the family!


Azalea in front of my house


Dandelion at my cousins house


At the end of a beautiful day I got everyone together for a family picture. This is mostly my Dad's side of the family.


Before I went to my Dr's office I hit the bookstore and bought the new IW Knits and some other knitting magazines. I also bought Charmed Knits~Projects for Fans of Harry Potter, Modular Knits by Iris Schreier, & Victorian Lace Today by Jane Sowerby. Then of course I had to go visit my friends at the Yarn Store and bought some Colinette Jitterbug Sock yarn, Rio De Plata Sock Yarn, a chicken tape measure and some sticky notes that say, "KNIT HAPPENS" just like my blog! Pictures will soon follow when I get the rest of the yarn that is due to arrive in the mail (hopefully tomorrow). I am speaking about my beloved Blue Moon Fiber Arts Rockin' Sock Yarn of course. My Tidalwave socks are looking fantastic and I love the way they feel on my feet.

Last night I won an eBay auction for some Vesper self striping sock yarn that is virtually impossible to get anywhere. Its not made in big batches because I think one woman makes it herself and she doesnt make a lot at a time. I cant wait to see and feel it in person and of course knit with it. I need to go and relax now and do some knitting. My mind is moving in a million different directions with what this f-ing thing is thats growing in my leg. I am so angry and frightened that this is happening all over again and I have no idea how to think anymore. I know I have to be positive but I have been and look whats happening! Right now the waiting is the hardest part.