Kyrie Eleison

Mister Mr~Kyrie

Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison, kyrie

The wind blows hard against this mountain side,
across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide,
setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old, it holds my memories,
my body burns a gemlike flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine,
is where I find myself again

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

When I was young I thought of growing old,
of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road,
or only wished what I could be

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

I just heard this song on the radio and it brought back some great memories.
I went to a private, Catholic high school and before I graduated the school gave us the opportunity to go on a retreat. I wanted my best friend to go with me but she said it was too expensive for her ($100-3 days/2 nights with meals included) and she decided not to go. The whole purpose of the retreat was to reflect on yourself and spirituality so I was glad to be alone. Many girls (not my close friends at all) that had their clique of friends didnt get much out of the retreat from what I observed because they were doing drugs and other illegal stuff I didnt want to know about. Talk about being disrespectful. I avoided them the whole time.

The retreat was on a little island off of Long Island, NY and was run by the Cappucin monks who are very liberal compared to the Roman Catholic priests. They are a part of the Catholic Church but you would never have guessed it by the exciting way they approached running the retreat for us. They would have meditation sessions with us and play current popular music at the time (this was the 80's so just imagine). They played U2's STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR and IN THE NAME OF LOVE which are great songs with huge references to Jesus. I was fortunate to have my own room and didnt have to deal with a roomate so that made me even happier and I was able to get a lot out of the retreat and reflect on where I was headed with my life. In the morning they would wake us up with music played over the loudspeakers in every room. One morning they played KYRIE by MISTER MR. It happened to be one of my favorite songs at the time along with all of MISTER MR'S songs. They actually played another song called BROKEN WINGS in the chapel where we attended mass. During confession they played lots of current rock songs that had religious meaning or significance of some kind in their lyrics. The song KYRIE was always my favorite and I would love when they played it. I think that it pertains to my life right now and thats the reason it brought back this specific memory of the retreat.

Basically it means "Lord, have mercy". In church during mass its said as a prayer:
Lord, have mercy
Christ, have mercy
Lord, have mercy.
Its said 3 times for the Trinity which is the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Right now it has meaning for me because God is guiding me down a road that I cannot see and through my belief and faith in him I know that everything will be OK and he will protect me.

I certainly needed some type of wake up call like this song being played on the radio today. I have been feeling really crappy the past few days. I have been angry, depressed, easily pissed off and starting fights with my loved ones and other behaviors that arent healthy to be stuck in. I mean its perfectly normal and healthy to have all these emotions because I am only human and I cant be happy and positive all the time. Pain is causing me to act this way, I am totally convinced. I was in so much pain last night that I couldnt get to sleep until after 2:30am. I hate when that happens because I want to sleep now during the day! I've been thinking about the cancer coming back and what would happen if I had a recurrence. My genetic test results will be coming back on the 12th next week and I am not sure how I feel about it. If its positive I am going to have to have more surgery to remove my ovaries and I just dont want any more surgery! I am sick of procedures and surgeries. You would think that I would be a pro at it right now and I guess I am but I think of all the crap that can go wrong. I need to put my faith in God and put it in his hands because no amount of worrying and fretting over it will change anything except make me more anxious and nervous.