A New Year

WOW, its been a while since I posted but I do have some good excuses as to why I havent been here. There was the holidays and every one in my family excluding me was sick on a holiday. My son, as you know from a previous post was sick on Thanksgiving and in the hospital. My husband then was very sick before Christmas and I actually started an IV on him at home because the weather was so bad we couldnt get to the hospital. See there is a benefit from having two RN's in the house! After he had a chance to recover on Christmas Eve night my son starts to puke again and my husband has a relapse so we stayed home on Christmas Day. That was fine with me because my sister pulled some stupid stunt on Christmas Eve and I really didnt want her to ruin my Christmas. I cant just leave it at that now can I? OK, I will tell you what happened but I will make it fast because I have a lot to cover here. Here goes...

On Christmas Eve my family opens presents and those presents are all put under the tree. When it comes time to open them we all grab the ones with our names on it and bring them to the sunroom and open them up. My son grabbed the ones with his name on them and of course he was able to feel that one of them was a train. He is totally and completely obsessed with Thomas since he was 2 and thats OK with me. It can be much worse in my opinion. We dont own a Wii yet or an XBox so yes, it can be worse. Anyway my sister gets mad not once, not twice, not three times (you get the point) but at least 4 times and said to my son, "You're not opening THAT present tonight and if you dont put it down I am going to give it to another little boy who deserves it more than you." She then said to me, "I am going to teach your son a lesson and not give him that present because he isnt behaving." Now, if she said this once I would not be mad. Its Christmas and the kid can feel the toy is a train so whats the difference if you give it to him tonight or tomorrow? There is no difference and you shouldnt have put it under the tree if you didnt want to give it to him until tomorrow. She said these things with such malice and hatred that I truly felt bad for my son and he didnt deserve that said to him from his aunt who never calls him (on his birthday and when he was in the hospital on Thanksgiving) spends time with him or comes to visit him. She was treating both my kids like shit and it really made me mad. Who the hell is she to say that he didnt deserve his gift? Does she think that she deserves hers? NO she certainly does not. If you have a beef with me and want to treat me like crap thats fine. I am a big girl and I can deal with it but mess with my children and your going to pay the piper bitch. At this point my son was crying and howling like he was in pain. I couldnt calm him down and he was just getting more and more hysterical by the minute. I will be the first to say that I am a strict disciplinarian and I dont let my kids get away their way when they act out BUT my son has issues and there are certain ways to deal with him and this spiteful way wasnt one of them. She wouldnt know how he is or how to deal with him because she is never with him. She never even inquires about him or my daughter. Hell, she doesnt give a shit about anyone and its quite obvious. So now he's hysterical and I am mad as hell. I said just to give it to him and let it be the end of it. She she starts screaming at me in front of my family and I am standing there not saying a word. I was trying to say, "Why are you yelling? Give me a minute to spit out what I was going to say" I confronted her about what she said and she lied and said she never said that. I told her that my husband heard her and that she said it to my face. Finally, she walked away in a huff saying that she did say it BEFORE. OH, you DID say it then but since you said it before it doesnt count? Where is the logic in this? My Mom said to her, "but you did say it." Apparently that made her furious and she stomped up the stairs calling me a F*cking c*nt. My husband and daughter were standing there and later my daughter asked me what that word meant. This is how I found out she called me names. Throughout our whole discussion I never once lowered myself and called her anything. It wasnt about that it was about how she treated my son like shit. I wasnt going to make this long but I did and I apologize. It was the only way to explain it. So thats why I am very upset AGAIN with her. Nothing new. I was so happy she did this in front of the whole family because you should have seen their faces. CLASSIC. She looked like the ass that she is.

Whew, I am glad thats over...

Now, on New Years Day my daughter started to vomit. We were supposed to go to my cousins but couldnt. I was a little upset but what are you going to do? You cant control when someone is going to get sick. I for one know this VERY well! LOL
I did take some pics over the break.

Our Christmas Tree


A Deer in our yard


This is a sign I put on a beam in my kitchen to always remind me of the train ride called life


Christmas morning


In front of the RC Christmas Tree


RC Christmas Tree


Swarovski Crystal Tree in Radio City Music Hall


My almost 14 year old doxie, the best in the world


I havent been able to do much knitting so there are no finished projects to post. I have to get back into my knitting groove. I am almost done with that baby sweater I am making for my friends brothers daughter. I had to frog the first one because I made a HUGE mistake in it. As soon as I am finished I will post it here. Its going to be cute and I hope it fits too. The baby was born in October and I am making the 3-6 month size so thats why I am rushing to get it done!

Back to knitting!

Sad News

When my daughter first started her religious education at our new parish last year she was assigned to a wonderful 19 year old boy named Robbie. He was a wonderful young man, full of life, funny with a great sense of humor and great with the kids. After a few weeks of teaching we found out he was feeling sick and later diagnosed with leukemia. He fought bravely and courageously for almost a year but he lost his battle on Thursday August 14, 2008. When he was going through his treatment during the winter I made him a hat to keep his head warm. I wanted to do something and I thought through my knitting I could make him feel a little better. His parents and sister shouldn't have to be going through this now, no one should lose a child. I cant say how upset I am over this because words cant really describe how I feel. As a cancer survivor it hurts even more because it makes you realize that not everyone, though brave and strong in their fight, survives. It makes me mad, mad as hell, because its not fair and it makes no sense. I am mad that his Mom, Dad and sister have lost their 20 year old son and brother. He wont be there to hug or talk to or just hang out with. I don't want this to happen to any more families. I want a cure for this damn disease. My daughter heard me crying a few minutes ago and got out of bed to see if I was OK and asked me why I was crying. I couldn't tell her just yet. I didn't want her to be up all night upset. I will tell her tomorrow and I know it will upset her.
God Bless you Robbie. I know there is another angel in heaven watching over us tonight.

Better Late then Never

So I finally was able to get my pictures on the computer but my photo printer isnt working right. I tried to fix it and clean the nozzle on the heads and so on and nothing is working. I have to see if maybe the ink is bad. I bought a bunch of ink cartridges and had them in the closet for about 8 months, maybe a little more. What I didnt realize was the expiration dates on them. Who thought they had expiration dates? Not me. Well, I think I have to buy them when I need them and not ahead of time.

I am going to tackle each topic thats been going on that I havent blogged about one at a time. First, what made me crazy in the first place was preparing for my daughters communion which was the same weekend as Mother's Day and the same day as our cousins First Communion. We celebrated on Saturday and Sunday and I think I slept for 24 hours straight after it was all over. Here are some pics of my daughter that day:



This is my Dad the night of my cousin's Communion party taking pictures which he loves to do. The Mardi Gras mask makes the picture. We were all wearing them to surprise my Great Aunt who turned 90 that day.


During the last few weeks we were having big time transmission trouble with our 2002 Honda Mini-Van. We had it in the shop a few times and found out that it would cost $3,000 to fix with no guarantees. We researched different options and weighed getting a smaller car but realized that with the two kids we cant get into a smaller car at the moment. We do get good mileage on the van so we wound up leasing a 2008 Honda Odyssey. I love the Odyssey and since its a 3 year lease everything is under warranty. If something goes wrong we dont have to worry about it. I also highly recommend Courtney Honda in Milford, CT. We were treated with kindness and respect by a salesman named Robert Martin. If you go there ask for him and tell him I sent you.

My husband finally had his tonsils out last week and he's home from work for a few weeks. He's in a lot of pain but doing much better. He had to stay overnight in the hospital because his oxygen level dropped from the high 90's to somewhere in the 70's. He was given so much pain meds that it made him stop breathing for longer than a few seconds which caused the drop in his O2 levels. During his surgery I went to get my haircut around the corner from the hospital where the salon I frequent is located. I needed a general shaping so he didnt take any length off. He wanted to chop the back so badly and I didnt let him. I was getting the angled cut for awhile but I want to grow it and be able to put it in a ponytail or a clip for the summer.

A few days after my husband came home from having his surgery we went to Circuit City and bought the Garmin Nuvi GPS which is so cool! I was sick of going on MapQuest and getting directions. I also purchased a smaller pocket Canon digital camera with an awesome zoom and very cool features. I have the big Canon Rebel XT which I love but there are times when I dont want to lug all the camera equipment along with me. Its heavy and can be cumbersome in certain situations. I bought this camera for a steal! My Mom couldnt even believe what I paid for it. I cant even believe what I paid for it! LOL.

Right after I bought the camera I spilled something on my laptop and it stopped working. I bought my husband gelato since his surgery wouldnt let him eat normal foods. I decided to eat the remaining gelato in bed while I was on my computer and fell asleep causing a spillage to occur. Its fixed now with a new keyboard and a good cleaning of the insides. The tech told me that the spillage might cause problems to occur in the future but right now I cant afford a new computer. Hopefully this one with continue to work well. In the time being I need to learn how to back up info which I dont know how to do. Yeah, I know, pretty irresponsible of me.

I finished my Mom's scarf for Mother's Day. Here she is modeling it:


This past weekend I took a "Heel Options" class given by my LYS-Knitting Central and taught by the famous sock designer, Charlene Schurch. I learned a lot but it was an all day class and I was exhausted after it was over.

My son has been home sick since Tuesday with a killer viral/bacterial infection. We brought him to the Dr yesterday and got antibiotics. We started them yesterday after he spiked 105 fever. When my kids are sick they really dont fool around!

The puppy is still crazy and I will have some 'grown up' pics of him in the near future. He doesnt sit still enough to get a picture!

The Whole World IS Crazy, It's Confirmed

I was going to make the title of this post, "Is the whole world crazy or is it just me?" BUT I had already had that as a title before and I cant have a repeat title! So the title is confirmed because I know that the whole world IS crazy and its not just me! Here is the story:

My daughter is receiving First Communion this weekend. My sister is her Godmother and we dont really speak or have a relationship but thats not the issue. The issue is my daughters Godfather, who happens to be that my Dad's Brother's Son (my Uncle's Son), is not going to be at the celebration for my daughter. Even though I told him at the beginning of the year that this is the year she receives communion and its very important that he be there because she only sees him 2 times a year, I reminded him at her birthday in January and in February when she received her First Reconciliation Sacrament we told him that it would be either the 10th or the 11th depending on which day her class chose to receive. He told my Mom that he would put it in his calendar and that was the end of that. I figured I told him more than 3 times, there is no way he can screw it up. I was wrong. He spends more time with his fiances sisters kids then his own God daughter. He JUST responded to the invite (the last day to RSVP was 5/3 and they were sent out 3 weeks ago & today by the calendar that I go by says that today is the 5th of May) that he cant come because he is going to a wedding out of state. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? So to sum it up: He knew about his Goddaughters Communion since December. Lets give him the benefit of the doubt and say he didn't know the day until February. February was 3 months ago. He got the wedding invite a couple of months ago so when he did shouldn't a light bulb have gone off in his head and said, Wait a minute, my Goddaughters communion is that same weekend! Then instead of calling me a while back when he received the communion invite he waits until 2 days after the RSVP is due and then calls. I wish I could play the message he left on my machine because you can tell he's lying through his teeth when he is telling me why he cant make it and that he thought he told us why. Yeah, right. Very responsible for a 34 year old man.

I called his mother and told her that I was disappointed in his decision and that if it was such a hard decision to make between the wedding and the communion then why is he calling 5 days before the communion and not sooner to explain this to me? I would have had more respect for him if he did that. I was so upset that I told her that it's what he signed up for when he became her Godfather. He is SUPPOSED to be there. If a Godfather cant come to a God Childs communion then when can he be around? A communion comes once in a lifetime and as it is my sister is not an active presence in my daughters life so who else does she have? I feel bad for her because its not fair and he has done things like this in the past and I havent said a thing but I cant keep quiet now, I just cant. I have been upset all day and you wont even believe what this b*tch and a half said to me as I was telling her that he should be there. She had the balls to say, "How active are you in your faith, how often do you go to church?" I was taken aback by this and was astounded because that has nothing to do with doing the right thing and keeping the family together. I didnt bring up the fact that my daughters Godfather is marrying outside his religion because I dont think it matters (it doesn't matter to me and I don't want my readers to think I am prejudiced in any way. I am just making a point) but if she wants to play hardball then maybe I should have said something like that. I didnt. I always do the right thing. My parents taught me that family always comes first but they (his family) dont seem to think so. The three times my Dad has tried to get together with them when they come into town they have blown him off. My father is a bit upset over this. His own brother has lost his sense of what family means and they are the ones that preach it all the time!! They always choose their friends over the family and its something that my Dad is also fed up with not just me. After she said that to me I hung up on her because I was crying. I don't broadcast to anyone when or how often I go to church because I am not like that. They are the ones that always preach and send me religious crap and stuff. I dont brag about how I went to church on Sunday and heard what the priest said and so on. I hate those type of people. Practice what you preach and he without sin should cast the first stone. Also he who lives in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. They follow the rules that only apply to them and then conveniently use them against others when it suits them. Thats whats called a HYPOCRITE. A picture of my Uncle, Aunt and their son are all next to that picture in the dictionary. The other 2 brothers live far away and one is actually coming with his girlfriend and I am very happy about that.

After all I have been through in my life I have more appreciation for life than anyone I know. I have had so many surgeries (in the double digits), been through cancer and treatment, had numerous deaths in my family and so on and you never hear me preach or yet bitch about it. So I called my Dad and Mom and they calmed me down and told me what to do. My Aunt called me back right after I hung up with my Dad and I was calm. She made it out like I was attacking her when I was the calm one all along until she came at me with a vengeance and said that nasty things about my religious practices. I told her that she knew what the right thing to do was and that I was going to call her son and give him a piece of my mind in a nice way of course. If the Godfather cant be present for the communion when the hell can he be?? Its funny because he is always babysitting his fiances sisters kids and he never asks to babysit mine. He always talks about how cute they are and what they did together and so on whenever he is around me and my family which is not that often so you can see why I get mad. I am so stressed now and its not healthy for me because I am breaking out in hives all over my hands and arms. My husband who has a temper is livid and wants to explode. Who can blame him but he's not being rational when he's like this so I have to be the one to do the talking. He will talk from anger and thats not how to get someone to listen to you. I am going to be calm and collected and just say what my Dad told me to. If he wants to make that choice and not be with my daughter on her special day then maybe I have to rethink how important he is to my family and if I should even go to his wedding (which he asked me to do a reading at). We will see.

Well, I called my cousin and told him the same thing I told his Mom. I said that I was extremely disappointed that he is not coming and that the choice he made wasn't the right one. He got all defensive and started saying that I wasn't being fair asking him to choose between his wife's family (he ain't married yet, I reminded him) and me. I said the choice is not between me and his fiances family its between whats the right thing to do and whats the wrong thing to do. I then went on to remind him that he spends all his time with her family and his fiances sisters kids who he is not God Father to mind you. His priorities are screwed up. Its a common sense decision to be made and anyone can see it. He then says to me that when you are in a marriage you have to compromise and be able to give and take in certain situations. OK, this guy who is as immature as an 18 year old and not even married is telling me, who is married 10 years with 2 children and a lot more life experience under my belt than this schmuck. I told him that he better not ever try to tell me what married life is like because he is not even married yet! That takes balls. Several other nasty things were said including a statement about the reason he spends more time with his fiances sisters kids is because they are 1/2 hour away from him on the train. I reminded him that we are only an hour away from him on the train and we are only 20 minutes away from his place of work. So there. I hate excused and I hate stupid excuses even more. Then he says that maybe we need to spend more time together and that maybe I should invite him here more because I don't do so according to him. I can tell you that thats a load of crap because I invite him all the time and he's the one that always has other plans. For my daughters birthday party he rather attend a Super Bowl Party one year then go to his God Daughters birthday. This happened two years in a row. My Mom always invites him to special occasion dinners and Sunday family gatherings. My Dad happens to be his God Father and has even taken him on a trip to Las Vegas as a gift. I don't remember what it was for but I guess my cousin forgets these things. My father is the one that gives him all the advice he needs on investing and stocks. If it wasn't for my Dad he would not have made the great stock trades he has over the past few years. This kid must be smoking crack to say these things to me.

After I calmed down and I could see that he wasn't going to change his mind I said, "Well, what goes around comes around." He got all offended at that and said that I was the one who was damaging our relationship. ME? I said, "You already succeeded in doing that. He also said that I put a good guilt trip on him. I replied that I didn't put it on him, he did. I said that if he made the right decision then he wouldn't be feeling guilty end of story. He has to live with himself and right now I am so mad at him I can't even express into words how I feel. I am leaving out some stuff that was said but it wont make that much of a difference. I mentioned all the important things that were said but I still am confused as to whose wedding this is because first my Aunt said it was the fiances family then she said in the second phone call that it was her family and then my cousin said it was the fiances family again. Talk about confusing! I'll let you all know what comes of all of this. I do know my daughter is going to have a beautiful communion and we are going to have a great time. My best friend who I have known since 3rd grade is coming and I am so happy that she is. My other best friend might also be coming to.

Today I went and found 2 awesome outfits at Lord & Taylor with my husbands help. He did a great job helping me out and telling me what looked good and bad on me. I also found the most beautiful silver shoes that go with both dresses! It has taken me so long to find something to wear to my daughters communion. Now I just have to decide which one to wear to my daughters party and which one to wear to my cousins little girls communion party. Choices, choices!

The best thing happened to me after all this stress of today. My husband came home from taking our daughter to communion practice and gave me this beautiful gift bag from the church. When I opened it I was so surprised that I started to cry. Not because I was upset but because there are good and caring people in this world. It was a Prayer Shawl made specifically for me. It was made and prayed over for me by the lovely ladies in the Prayer Shawl Ministry that my church has. Here are some pictures.





Isn't it gorgeous!!! I love the colors and how they look like a rainbow. I have it wrapped around me right now. You know what, it works.

2 in 1

Yup, I couldn't believe that it would happen either but I actually finished another finished object to show you and its in the same week as the sweater I made! Well, I am not sure it counts because the kimono can be knitted in my sleep at this point. I have made so many of them since I started knitting I cant remember how many exactly. There are a few that I made that are not listed on my Ravelry notebook because I never took pictures of them before giving them away. Here is my Minty Baby Kimono for someones baby. I'm not sure who that is yet.



I am not completely happy with this knit because I had meant to have the closure made out of ribbon as customary with my kimonos but it wasnt working for me. I decided to put a magnetic snap closure on and cover the back with the green flowers. My husband likes it but I intended it to be gender neutral and now its not. Oh, well, back to the drawing board.

The other day I bought three great books at my LYS with awesome baby patterns (I think I mentioned this before, I cant remember and maybe have lost my mind here-don't). I went to another LYS, The Yarn Barn, thats a few towns over with my husband yesterday. He helped me pick out some pretty yarns to make more baby sweaters. I bought some gorgeous Manos Cotton Stria in purple, pistachio and white. Then some Debbie Bliss Chunky Cashmerino Aran, Astrakhan, Rowan All Seasons Cotton and even some Panda Wool sock yarn for my husband. I was overwhelmed by all the yarn they have there but the problem is that they are very unorganized and there is literally yarn and patterns all over the place, strewn all over the floor in the way of patrons walking in the store. I am not sure if the owners of this place realize or care that the place is a mess and that if they organized it a little they could probably do better with sales. There is a table in the front of the shop thats used for teaching and it was covered with yarn, pattern books, and junk. You couldn't fine something if you wanted to. My husband was the one that dug through the yarns to find matching lot and dye numbers for me! LOL. He's good like that. I asked one of the ladies, who were very nice and helpful, if they had a certain yarn and she immediately said, "we can order that for you." Well, thats all well and good but why would I have them order it if I can get it myself online or from my other LYS? They are very nice and I will probably go back to use my 25% off coupon they gave me but in my opinion they cant compare to my favorite place Knitting Central. I think its because as I have mentioned once before its not how big a place is or how much yarn they have but the people that work there and are the real heart of the store. On a funny note here, I was first at this yarn store when I first started knitting and bought some cute multicolored baby yarn. I mistakenly bought only 200 yards and not enough to make what I wanted. While I was there I picked up another skein of the yarn that I needed in the same color which just happened to have the SAME LOT NUMBER! I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to find the same lot and dye number but it is believable because they have so much yarn that doesn't sell.

On April 27th the Yarn Harlot is going to be returning to WEBS in Northhampton, Mass. I went to see her last May when she came and had a great time. This year I plan on corrupting my husband and bringing him along. I cant wait to see his face when he walks into WEBS! Its the largest yarn shop I have EVER seen. I am not sure if its the largest in the country but I would say it is. We have NEVER been away from the kids or on a vacation alone together and this will be nice to get away for one day with him. We don't have to much time because we have to get back for my daughters first communion practice the following night. My Mom is going to be watching the kids overnight and taking care of my pets too. Since 2 of my 3 dogs are getting to be old men and having health issues I feel bad leaving them alone for a long time or at a kennel. I rather leave them with a family member like my Mom so I know they are being well cared for.

My 2nd Cancerversary~February 23, 2008

It was 2 years ago today that my breast surgeon called me with the results of my biopsy to tell me that I had cancer. It was the worst day of my life and I never will forget how frightened I was just thinking about what was going to happen to me in the coming months. I quickly learned that the less internet reading I did on the subject and the more praying and positive thinking that went on were much better for my sanity than anything else. Anyway, I just wanted to mention this today because it is an important day for me. My Mom and Dad sent me 12 pink roses yesterday which arrived in the snowstorm and almost didn't make it inside the house. The idiot that delivered them put the box with the flowers in it by the garage door next to the garbage pails in the snow! Yup, pretty dumb. My husband found them just as he was about to use the snow blower in the driveway.

On another happy note I finished a friends baby's sweater. I used Schaefer Elaine in one of the special colorways they make for kids called Kermie (I guess its after Kermit the frog). The pattern is for the Rolled Neck Sweater for babies 0-12mos in the book 101 Designer One Skein Wonders.

I wasn't going to post it until she received it and I think that she probably received it by now since I mailed it a few days ago by priority mail. She was so kind to me when I was sick and sent me books and get well cards so I thought it would be nice to knit her baby something. The baby boy was born in November but at that time I wasn't able to do much knitting due to my carpal tunnel syndrome. I made her a promise that I would make something when my hand healed and she was very understanding of the situation. I hope she likes it.

I forgot to mention that I went to my LYS, Knitting Central to buy some books with baby patterns since I really dont have that many baby patterns in my collection. I bought ITTY-BITTY by Susan B, Anderson, Last Minute Knitted Gifts and Essential Baby by Debbie Bliss. All of these books have a plethora of wonderful patterns for babies. I cant wait to dive into them. I do wish I was a knitter when my children were babies. I guess that I just have to find babies to make them for! I also bought a few skeins of Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino.

This Little Piggy Went Bowling & This Little Piggy Stayed Home

I'm here, just to busy to blog. Its been a crazy week with no school (winter break) coming up next week. My husband came home sicker than a dog with the flu on Friday. He called from work and left a message on the machine that I couldn't understand. When I came home and called his job they couldn't tell me what was happening. After an extended time on hold they transfered me to the emergency department and I found out what was going on. He told me that he went into the break room because he didn't feel good then started to throw up and double over in pain. One of the doctors came in and saw what was happening and got him to the emergency room. They thought that he was having a gall bladder attack or that his appendix burst. After running a blood tests they did a CAT Scan that showed an inflamed appendix that was still there and the gall bladder was also inflamed but not what they first thought. I was worried that he was going to need surgery and he is still recovering from his anemia due to the GI Bleed he had a month ago. Thats all he would need is a surgery where he would lose more blood! I thanked God that it wasn't that.

After getting 3 liters of fluids he came home. He insisted on driving home himself (typical man) and got into bed to pass out. He literally didn't move for 24 hours. I was his nurse, bringing him Tylenol, Motrin, Gatorade and Ginger Ale. His temp didn't drop past 103 until after he took the Motrin. He was afraid to take it because of the stomach bleed he was being treated for and didn't want to make it worse. Of course it was the only thing that made him feel better so he needed to take it.

Yesterday was my daughters bowling party and my husband was supposed to be there to help with the kids. Unfortunately, he was unable to do this because he was sick. My parents came up to help and thank God they did. My Mom bought the cake, balloons, plates, and utensils so I didn't have to waste time and do that. When my parents arrived I went to the party store with my Mom and bought stuff to make the favor bags for the kids. We originally invited a total of 21 kids which included mine. After getting the RSVP's back (which only 3 people called me out of all those mentioned and I had to call them!) only 13 kids were coming. Most of the kids who didn't come were either on vacation, doing something else or sick. My daughter was disappointed but I told her she would probably have a better time with less kids coming.

Turns out we all had a great time. One little girl who said she was coming didn't show so I bowled in her place. I won't even embarrass myself and mention my number bowled but I will tell you that my 8 year old daughter bowled 125! Even though they had the bumpers up for the kids I still think she did a fabulous job. She didn't really hit the bumpers that much either. I almost forgot to mention that she got 4 Strikes!!!. I couldn't believe it either. Well, thats how she got 125 I guess. Some of the other kids also bowled well getting in the 100's, 90's and high 80's. They were all well behaved and I was very impressed. I had invited the parents to stay and have pizza and cake so a couple of them stayed. It gave my parents something to do also so they chatted with them and had a few beers. Beer at a children's party you say?? God forbid! Get a grip they had A beer and chatted and the kids were oblivious in their bowling frenzy. My son stayed home with my husband because he wasn't behaving all morning and I warned him that if he didn't behave then he wasn't going to bowl. So when he didn't behave I made the decision that he wasn't going. He was pissed beyond belief but what kind of discipline would it be if I gave in to his tantrum? Not good discipline I would say. I think he learned a lesson because when we got home from the party he said that he had been listening to my husband since we left. I reminded him that he has to act that way all the time and not just when he's punished.

Next week the kids are off from school and we are figuring out what we can do with the kids. We are thinking about going to the Aquarium, Ice Skating, Museums, or even Bowling again. Hopefully my husband will feel better so we can do these things. Sorry I don't have pictures this time but I have been knitting a few gifts for people and I don't want to post pictures of them for fear they might see them. My Dad's birthday is actually the same day as my Blogiversary (which is kind of weird) and I decided to make him the same thing I made him last year. What else but SOCKS! He loved the ones I made last year which were made from Artyarns Supermerino in the Thuja pattern from Knitty. This year I am using Ms. Babs Yummy Sport Weight Sock Yarn in the Winebarrel colorway. I fell in love with this yarn when the Woolgirl Sock Club started off their 2007 club year with it as the first yarn to come with the "Waterfalls" kit. He already knows I am making him socks but as long as he doesn't see them its OK for him to read this. He's not really a reader of my blog so I am not worried.

The Knit is Actually Happening!

Lots of stuff going on at Chez CurlyBrunette or I should say Chez Knit Happens. Knit is actually happening! Just after a few words from our birthday girl sponsor...

My daughter turned 8 years old on the 17th and I cant believe how big she is getting!

She wants an American Girl doll for her birthday so I promised her we would go to the American Girl doll store in NYC next month. I am actually looking forward to going there and seeing what I have heard so much about.

The new year has begun for the Rockin' Sock's Club and the 1st kit arrived this weekend!


I immediately started it last night. This picture doesnt do the color justice. Its so bright and vivid sometimes I wonder how Tina at Blue Moon gets such amazing colors. She is truly an artist. I LOVE the colorway (Dragon Dance) and I LOVE the pattern (Serendipity). Its surprising because I am not a fan of the lacey sock pattern but I think I am beginning to change my opinion about them. I know, I know, you are saying to yourself, why on earth is she starting this sock when she hasnt even finished other socks from her other sock clubs and even socks from last years Rockin' Sock Club. Well, I am a firm believer that you have to be in the mood to knit something otherwise I am just not into it and I dont put my all into it. Right now I am really excited about this pattern and I really want to knit it. I also have a feeling that knitting them 2 at a time (which is my new way of doing socks) is going to make me finish things up faster. I am looking forward to getting more things done in the coming year.


My Aunts birthday is coming up in 3 weeks and I am making her a drop stitch scarf out of some Angel Boucle from JoAnn's.

Last year I made her an outdoor scarf so this year its more of an accessory scarf to brighten up her outfits.

I have been working a little at a time on this Alligator Scarf for my husband. He saw it when we were at Rhinebeck and thought it was cute. When I asked him if he would wear it he said he would so I bought the kit to make for him. Now he wants me to make one for my Oncologist! Good idea for when I have to give him a gift.


My daughter is receiving 2 sacraments this year and next weekend she is receiving 1st Penance or Reconciliation. When my husband took her to religious ed the other day he found out that her teacher was just diagnosed as having AML Leukemia and in the hospitals ICU. He's only a 19-20 year old kid in college! I was shocked and very upset over the whole situation and at first I didnt know what to say to my daughter. She was told by the other substitute teacher that he was sick and in the hospital but not that he has cancer and what that means. I decided to tell her the truth about him that night. I told her that he has cancer and has to go through the treatment where he is going to lose his hair and get sick in order to get well. I didnt want to tell her the statistics and other details of the disease to frighten her. I dont think it hit her because she hasnt seen him sick yet. I told her that I am making him a hat to keep his head warm when he loses his hair and that seemed to make her happy for the moment.

I am a very positive person and I definitely believe in miracles so I hate to mention the stats here on AML Leukemia. Its a HORRIBLE Leukemia and I have seen it kill my Aunt (who was in her 60's) in 3 months. I also met a wonderful woman in the ACS Look Good Feel Better Program when I was going through chemo that just lost her battle with it. When my husband told me she died I couldnt believe it because she looked fabulous but as we all know that doesnt reflect whats going on on the inside. AML Leukemia is a constant battle that has to be fought off even when in remission. Thats what makes it the most horrible leukemia with the worst survival rates even with all the right treatment. Here's the hat I am making with Wool Ease Chunky Yarn by Lion Brand.

The Year in Review & Goals for 2008

I first wanted to comment on how Christmas went at my parents house. No major fights broke out with my sister but she did snub my husband and ignored him most of the night. Her boyfriend was with us on Christmas Eve and he blatantly snubbed both me my husband and the kids the entire evening. I wished him a Merry Christmas because he wasnt speaking to me and I wanted to be the better person. He didnt really respond. My husband went to shake his hand and he turned and walked away from him. Nice guy hey? Her boyfriend also was supposed to come over on Christmas night and called in the middle of dinner to tell her that he wasnt coming. My sister was obviously upset with him and left the room to talk with him on her cell phone. She later told my Mom that she didnt know what his problem was. I have an opinion about what I think is happening and allow me a moment to explain. My sister has been with him for almost 9.5 years and he is younger than her (he was born in Jan 1980 and she in Oct 1977). When my son was born in 2002 they were together and I thought they were going to be getting married and I chose them to be his Godparents when he was baptized. I talked to my sister before I did this to make sure they were serious about marriage otherwise I wouldnt have chosen him to be his Godfather. Now for the past few years all I have been hearing from my sister is how she doesnt want to get married or have kids. I thought the reason for this was because her boyfriends Dad was terminally ill and dying of prostate cancer. He recently died a few months ago and things have gotten worse between them. My theory is that he doesnt want to marry her because she is a narcissistic controlling person incapable of caring for anyone other than herself and he really got a chance to see her true colors when I was sick and what she did to me. Maybe he is saying to himself, "Do I want a wife who is going to treat people this way, the way she treated her own sister when she was going through cancer treatment, surgery and chemo?" Maybe my sister feels sorry for him that he has no parents anymore and is basically alone. I cant figure them out. They have had a strange relationship from the very beginning. What makes me mad is my Dad is always making fun of how my husband can love me and makes sarcastic comments on it all the time. For some reason he thinks that my husband is "whipped" which he most certainly is not. If anyone is whipped and needs to be made fun of its my sister and her "whipped" boyfriend. Why cant he make fun of them? I've been with my husband since 1996 and we got married in 1998. He has been through hell with me and we have had our share of challenges and bumps in our marriage but we got through them. Right now we are in a great place and I cant be happier. Well, if I had a nice vacation alone with him a few days then I could be a little bit happier! Anyway, I dont know whats up with my sister and her boyfriend but she should be thinking of how much she sacrificed to care for her boyfriends Dad when I needed her to help me (and she did offer to help because she was out of work at the time and continued to be out of work the entire summer I was going through chemo and had my surgeries) and how that is time not only wasted but in the process she destroyed our relationship for someone she isnt even going to marry? Yup, its a bit confusing to say the least but on to my review of 2007.

2007 for me started out OK. The anniversary or first Cancerversary as I call it, of my breast cancer diagnosis came on February 23rd along with leg pain that was bothering me near my sciatic nerve in my left leg. I didnt think to much of it because my pain specialist seems to think I have fibromialgia and I attribute a lot of my aches and pains to that. I had my nipple reconstruction in March that went really well and I couldnt be happier with the results, especially after the nipple tatoos were done. In May I had a PET Scan that showed I had a tumor growing on my sciatic nerve. I got the run around from a Dr that I was referred to who specialized in what I had. I later found out that he never did this type of surgery before and I had a blow up with him on the phone. He was an egotistical asshole that had a horrendous bedside manner and seemed to only care about the almighty dollar. After I found a well qualified Dr who had experience with these types of tumors and removing them I was pleased and set up a surgery day (why couldnt this asshole Dr tell me that there was another Dr in the SAME PRACTICE that did this surgery before???) for June. He told me that there were no guarantees when he removed the tumor and that it might be cancer. They wouldnt know until the biopsy and path reports after the tumor was removed. I was more than nervous but my knitting and beading were there to calm and center me. What I would have done if I didnt have it I dont know. I would definitely lose my mind to say the least if I wasnt able to knit or bead.

I had the surgery in June and the tumor removed wasnt what they thought. It was a tino-synovial giant cell tumor which is not normally found on a nerve. The best news was that it was benign and not cancerous. I was so happy about that but recovery from the surgery which severed my sciatic nerve in a few places was painful and difficult to say the least. I still have issues with spasming of the muscles around the incsision area and it has just been recently controlled with a new pain medication which makes it easier for me to get up in the morning and do activities of daily living.

After that surgery I continued to go to occupational therapy for my lymphedema. The lymphedema was under control but my hand and the pain I was experiencing was getting worse every day. There were times I was unable to knit or bead and would force myself because its how I kept sane. Finally, after months of pain and different treatments I went to see an orthopedic surgeon who told me that it was carpal tunnel (which I already knew since I had it in my right hand in 1999) and that he would do the surgery after Thanksgiving. I was so happy and never looked forward to a surgery as I looked forward to this one because it would give me the use of my hand back and I could do the things I loved again. I cried after leaving the surgeons out of pure happiness that it was going to get better.

After Thanksgiving I had my carpal tunnel release surgery and I knew right away that the surgery worked. I was able to feel my fingers when the anesthesia wore off and it was feeling without pins and needles! I started to crochet first because it was easier to do with a cast on and then I knitted. It was very difficult to get gauge because I was unable to hold adequate tension on the yarn but I was knitting without pain and thats all that mattered to me!

LAST YEARS GOALS

1) Start going to the gym again and losing the weight I gained during chemo. I DIDNT DO THIS BECAUSE OF MY LEG AND THE PAIN I WAS HAVING. AFTER MY SURGERY IT WAS DIFFICULT TO GO TO THE GYM. I AM NOT MAKING EXCUSES FOR MYSELF AND I DO INTEND TO HAVE A GOAL PERTAINING TO THIS IN THE GOALS FOR 2008.

2) Get a tatoo commemorating my journey through breast cancer this past year. I am still trying to decide what kind I want and find someone who will do it where I want it. I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT THE TATOO THING. I THINK ITS A FAD AND NOW EVERYONE HAS THEM. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT GETTING ONE THE MORE I DONT WANT TO GET ONE. I DONT WANT TO MARK UP MY BODY. MY SCARS ARE MY TATOOS

3) Take more knitting classes to expand my knowledge and skills in knitting. Starting in January I am taking a Dog Cabled Sweater class and I am so excited about it! I TOOK SOME CLASSES WHERE I LEARNED SOME NEW TECHNIQUES BUT I REALIZE THAT I LEARN WELL FROM VIDEOS AND BOOK INSTRUCTION JUST AS WELL AS A CLASS. THE CLASSES ARE GOOD BUT I THINK UNLESS ITS CAT BORDHI OR LUCY NEATBY TEACHING IT THEN I DONT NEED TO TAKE THE CLASS.

4) Go to the STITCHES EAST 2007 knitting conference with my knitting buddies. I DECIDED TO SAVE MY MONEY AND NOT GO. I HEARD FROM A FEW PEOPLE THAT ITS NOT WORTH IT AND TO SAVE MY MONEY TO SPEND ON YARN!

5) Join the BLUEMOON FIBER ARTS SOCK CLUB (which I am pre-registered for) and actually knit the sock patterns they send me even if they are challenging. If I get stuck I can go to my LYS and ask my sock guru (Sally) to help me out. Complete at least one pair a month, at least I said. I JOINED NOT ONLY BMFA BUT WOOLGIRLS SOCK CLUB AND MY LYS'S CLUB WHICH ARE ALL MAKING ME STEP UP MY SOCK KNITITNG. I LOVE TO KNIT SOCKS AND ITS NOT GOING TO CHANGE, EVER! I KNIT ABOUT 10 PAIRS IN 2007. I HAVE A FEW UNFINISHED SINGLES WHICH DONT COUNT BUT I WILL FINISH THEM SOON.

6) Learn to knit a sock toe-up I DID THIS ONE MANY TIMES THANKS TO BLUE MOON AND THE ROCKIN SOCK CLUB

7) Learn short rows in sock knitting. I ALSO DID THIS LEARNING HOW TO DO A SHORT ROW HEEL

8) Make a sweater for my husband and myself I DIDNT DO THIS (YET)

9) Be a kinder and more compassionate person. I ALWAYS TRY TO DO THIS

10) Still try to get a job at a yarn store no matter how many times they say, "we dont need anyone right now." STILL TRYING

11) Go to the dentist (havent been in over 2 years) I FINALLY DID THIS AND I AM SO HAPPY I DID. NO CAVITIES!

12) Garden more. I DIDNT GET TO DO THIS BECAUSE WHATEVER TIME I HAVE FREE I KNIT AND BEAD. MAYBE I AM NOT MEANT TO BE A HARDCORE GARDENER LIKE MY NEIGHBOR.

13) Try to pay bills ontime (this one is a losing battle) THIS HAS GOTTEN BETTER AND I AM DOING WELL WITH THIS

14) I am sure there are more but I cant think right now and I didnt want to end on #13, call me suspicious.

GOALS FOR 2008

1) GET IN SHAPE AND LOSE WEIGHT WITH A HEALTHY DIET AND LIFESTYLE.
2) MAKE A SWEATER FOR BOTH MY HUSBAND, MYSELF AND MY KIDS.
3) MAKE AS MANY SOCKS AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE OR AT LEAST BEAT 10 PAIR WHICH I DID IN 2007
4) HAVE MORE JEWELRY SHOWS AND SELL, SELL, SELL!
5) GO TO CHURCH AND BE A MORE SPIRITUAL PERSON (I KNOW CHURCH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING A SPIRITUAL PERSON BUT I WOULD LIKE TO ACCOMPLISH BOTH.
6) GO ON VACATION WITH MY FAMILY AND ALONE WITH MY HUSBAND. WE HAVENT BEEN ON ONE SINCE 2004 WHEN WE ALL WENT TO DISNEYWORLD WITH THE KIDS. WE HAVENT BEEN ON AN "ALONE" VACATION SINCE OUR HONEYMOON. SAD, I KNOW.
7) DATE NIGHT AT LEAST 2 TIMES A MONTH WITH MY HUSBAND.
8) I STILL WANT A JOB AT MY LYS AND I AM NOT GIVING UP ON THAT ONE!
9) WALK WITH MY MOM IN THE AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER IN OCT 2008 IN NYC AND RAISE MORE MONEY THAN THE YEARS BEFORE.
10) BE MORE INVOLVED WITH MY CHILDRENS SCHOOL ACTIVITIES AND VOLUNTEERING
11) LETTING MY HAIR GROW LONG AGAIN (NOT SURE HOW LONG). IT LOOKS BETTER LONG, I CAN DO MORE WITH IT AND I MISS IT.

I think the main reason I had first decided to keep it short was because of a deep rooted fear I had that I would grow it out to the length I had it when I lost it (32"~yup, it was down to my waist) and I would lose it again. I still have this crazy yet real fear but I cant let that stop me from having my hair in the style I want. I need to be patient and allow it to do its thing. So limited haircuts just to trim the ends and thats it. Last haircut was around October 24th so I already have a jump on it. My daughter is receiving 2 sacraments this year (2008) and I have a couple of weddings to go to so grow hair, grow! Grow so you can cover my big ass! LOL

I'm sure I have more that I cant remember but I wanted to get them down before the end of this year. Sorry there are no pics but I am almost done with a WIP and I promise a few nice pics when I post again.

Rhinebeck Review & Some Crazy Sh*t Goin' On

Well first the good stuff. We all like to hear the good stuff. They suspended that kid at my daughters school that attacked her and threatened her. It was only for one day but at least they told me his parents are taking this seriously and are going to get help for him. Lets hope he doesnt do this to any one again because if he does it to my daughter I will press charges and get an order of protection. Then this kid will have a juvenille record and I dont think that his father, who is a cop, will like that one little bit. Right now my only concern is my daughter and her safety.

Second good thing is we all went to Rhinebeck and had a great time this past weekend and I have a few pics to prove it. I almost bought a wheel but decided to wait on it because I havent tried enough to know whats comfortable for me. I also came to the conclusion that I wont be happy with a drop spindle but I did buy the book TEACH YOURSELF VISUALLY HANDSPINNING.

Here are some awesome pics from Sunday:
This guy was standing with one leg on each horse and balancing while they trotted around the field:



The featured breed of this years festival the Bluefaced Leicester:

Another cute sheep:


More good things...
I finally got to meet Stephanie Pearl-McPhee!! After traveling up to WEBS and not being able to stand in line (due to the little leg issue I had) and then I missed her when she came to CT. I thought I wouldnt meet her, ever. But here we are and she is such a nice person and told me that I should have gone to the head of the line at WEBS when they announced anyone who couldnt wait long in line could do that. I didnt want to do that because on the outside I looked fine and I didnt want people to judge me and say, "Whats wrong with her, she looks fine to me."

My husband called me from the authors tent and told me to make my way over there because it was EMPTY! I ran across the fairgrounds and couldnt believe that I got to meet the Yarn Harlot, Kay Gardiner and Ann Shayne of Mason-Dixon fame, Judith Durant whos books I love and StitchyMcYarnpants. Carol Cypher was also there but I didnt get a chance to talk to her because there were a bunch of people waiting for her to sign their books. I own her wonderful book, MASTERING BEADWORK, A GUIDE TO OFF LOOM TECHNIQUES.

Yesterday I had my appointment with the surgeon to see if we could set up a day for my surgery. He examined me and agreed that the only 2 choices I have are: live with the pain or have the surgery. He also made me feel better telling me that there have been several studies that showed there was no marked difference noted in women who had surgical procedures on a limb with lymphedema. Thats amazing news! It also makes me feel a lot better knowing that these were controlled studies and not just written with no facts or basis to back it up. My surgery will be in a month, the week after Thanksgiving to be exact and he told me that the restrictions that I have to follow will be the same as the last time I had carpal tunnel surgery in my right hand in 1999.

As you can see yesterday was a busy day for me as not only did I have 2 doctors appointments, a hair appointment and then finally the jewelry party in the evening. Here is a picture of my set up at my Mom's house:


I am so happy that everyone who came liked my stuff and bought a lot of it! I did really well for my first party. Actually, very well and I have several people that want to have their own jewelry parties in their homes. Sweet! Now all I have to do is get this damn hand fixed and I'll be in business.


When I got home late last night I found my Rockin' Socks Club October Colorway~Lenore


Here are the 2 socks I started on 1 circular using the magic loop method. I am anxiously awaiting the book about this subject coming out 12/1 by Melissa Morgan-Oakes. I might have to put these aside for a while due to my carpal tunnel surgery as I have been doing with most of my WIP's.


Yup, all nice things going on then today my husband comes home and he scared me to death. He narrowly escaped getting killed on the highway coming home from work. The guy in front of him hit a HUGE buck and the deer came flying over the car and headed straight into my husbands car. He swerved out of the way onto the median of the road where he destroyed the two left wheels and most likely the axels or frame on the car. He had to hold the steering wheel at a 90 degree angle to hold the car straight. I filed the claim with my insurance company and the tow truck is going to come tomorrow to pick it up and take it to the body shop. Then my husband and I have to go to rent a car because he needs a way to get to work and with the hours he works and the times the kids have to be at school taking the train would be a pain in the ass. I am hoping the cost will be covered by the insurance company because we have a huge deductable (Ugh!!). Why do all these things happen at once? I was planning to go to Sock Camp with the Blue Moon Rockin' Sock Club Gang but who knows whats going to happen with the car and my sock camp plans.

In my own words

Blogs, thats the topic at the moment. I didnt think I would write about this but I must. Its the reason I started a blog so I can record my feelings and emotions and by doing so it makes me feel better. It started when I was in high school and a teacher told us that the best therapy one could do for oneself was to keep a journal to record whatever we wanted so that it would be our own private therapy session. You know what, it worked. I have kept a written journals for many years dating back to the eighties. They are all in order of year in the back of my closet so when I need to go back for reference I can. I dont fear anyone reading them because my family respects my privacy so I write anything and everything in them. I am missing one journal from 1998 that was lost when we moved into this house the in June of 2005.
During this time many were starting blogs. I had no idea what a blog was and I really didnt want one. In 2003 I became a member of an online community for growing long hair that allows its members to keep online private and public journals. This is when I started to "blog". When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb. of 2006 I decided that the time was right for me to record my life on a public blog. My reason for doing so was more than doing it for me because I already had a private journal that only members of the long hair community had access to and I also kept a handwritten one that I keep next to my bed. I wanted to be able to help other young women like myself who find themselves in the position I was in. I was a 34 year young woman, with 2 small children, not married quite that long to my best friend and having a terminal illness. I thought that it would help these women and other readers who came to my blog and said, I know how she feels and I am not alone because there are others that feel the same way I do. I started blogging on March 8, 2006, a few days after my lumpectomy which was to be the 1st of my many surgeries to come. I received e-mails and comments from other women thanking me for saying things that they were afraid to say. It felt good to be doing something that benefited me and others. In the beginning I started out with the name CURLYBRUNETTE'S STORY OF SURVIVAL because thats what it was, my story of surviving cancer. Fifty or so posts ago I changed the name to KNIT HAPPENS because I didnt want to keep focusing all my time on my cancer. I am more than my cancer and I do have interests that I like to talk about, one of them being Knitting.

I received lots of feedback from family and friends saying what a great blog I had and that they loved the pictures and such. Many cancer survivors still came to read it even though I changed the title.

In the middle of my treatment I began to e-mail a friend that I made through an Online Mothers who Breastfeed Group back in 2000 when my daugher was born. We had the opportunity to meet up while on vacation in 2004 and after that vacation we e-mailed every month or so. Like I said I e-mailed her in the middle of my treatment and we began to talk again without any problems or issues. I sent her to my blog so she would be able to catch up with things and see what I was going through without me rehashing all of it. We were always honest with one another and told things like they were. It was difficult to hurt our feelings, we were pretty tough cookies. Out of the blue she asks if she can be honest with me and I say sure, not thinking what she is going to say is going to be so hurtful that it would start a huge arguement between us. She then starts to say that she is afraid to say things to me for fear she might unintentionally hurt my feelings and that she is thinking this way because of the 'numerous' times mentioned in my blog where I have been angry at people for reasons that she states in her eyes, "were not that bad". She also says that she doesnt want to be a friend that I oust out of my life because she says the wrong thing. OK, I have no idea where this is comming from because I have never said to her, "what you said really bothered me" because she never did and I didnt have to say anything like that. So at this moment I am confused. I am also confused because I have never ousted a friend of mine, they just havent called me thats all. I have had people call me after not hearing from them for a long time and I dont hold a grudge, I speak to them and I am kind and compassionate like they have been calling me on a regular basis. The statement that really angered me was the one where she said that there were numerous times where I was angry at things that she didnt think were that bad and that she wouldnt have been angry or upset at them. I ask her for examples of this and after e-mailing several times back and forth she produces 2 things I said in a post from back in June of 2006 called MAJOR COMPLAINTS. In the post I go into detail about CERTAIN people who say things when you are sick like, "If there is anything I can do" and "Things will get better". In the post I explain why these 2 statements upset me and its long so I hate to rehash it now but you can look it up and see that I said this while I was under duress. I was getting dose dense chemotherapy which is the most drug a person can take without killing them, and I was still recovering from surgery and developed lymphedema in my left arm where I had lymph nodes removed. No matter what I said she shouldnt have passed judgement on me by saying what she said. I told her that she is not me and she didnt go through what I did so how could she know how she would feel? Before I got cancer I would never be able to say something like that to someone. Its just not right and it makes no sense to me why she would say it. She then said that this is what she was afraid would happen that I would get mad and angry and that I was attacking her now after I told her that it was OK to tell me how she felt and to be honest with me. I dont think that I am the one thats wrong in this matter just because I expressed my feelings over what CERTAIN people were saying. I wasnt even referring to her when I stated these things because we werent even speaking at that time. I almost forgot the 3rd thing she said I was overly sensitive to. It was a post I made a couple of days ago when I got a haircut and the hairstylist said some screwed up stuff to me. In the post I also included the fact that the stylist said MANY things that I didnt record in the post. I made the point that she hurt my feelings by what she said and thats it. Out of the 125 posts in this blog there are not many negative ones. I always try and look at the positive in a situation. We are not referring to the posts about my sister and my family because thats my business and no one elses. I thought the other posts were also my business but apparently I was wrong and I have to hold my tongue because this 'friend' of mine is afraid of something that hasnt even happened yet. I have never flamed her before or said that something she said hurt me so I think she is paranoid. She keeps bringing up whats going on NOW WITH THIS SITUATION AS PROOF OF ME FLAMING HER and thats totally unfair because she started it. She didnt have to 'be honest' with me. How did this benefit us? It didnt and now I want nothing to do with her because of it. I dont need friends like that who are going to make me physically sick and make me throw up all night and lose sleep because of having an opinion about something that she thinks "isnt that bad". Like I said before, "HOW THE HELL CAN SHE KNOW THAT IT WOULDNT BOTHER HER IF SHE ISNT ME AND HASNT BEEN THROUGH WHAT I HAVE??" She as also worried about being a topic in my blog and I told her that it wouldnt happen and that I wouldnt do that to her. Guess what? She hurt me like no other friend has hurt me before so I must write it in my blog, she left me no choice. I wont post names or locations because I am not a jerk and I am not doing this to get her in any way. I am doing this to make myself feel better and to share what happened with someone who called themselves my friend when they were nothing but a passive-aggressive liar who can rot in hell with the rest of my so called 'friends' that have abandoned me.

I am a member of the Young Survival Coalition ( www.youngsurvival.org ) and I went to them to ask about this situation. They were extremely supportive and helpful. Many told me that they had been in similar situations and had to break friendships because of it. Others said that I have matured and grown out of the friendship and that she (my so called friend) was immature and not going to get it because she hadnt walked a mile in my shoes. I sent my 'friend' the link to the site and no e-mails have come to my inbox since. I cant say I am happy over losing a friend but it was her own doing and she refused to own up to what she said and apologize. I made a decision a long time ago not to allow toxic people in my life and thats exactly what I am doing. Good bye to bad rubbish.