Christmas Eve

Yesterday we went to my Moms for Christmas Eve dinnner. We arrived before everyone else except my Great Aunt who had slept over the night before so my Dad wouldnt have to drive her home to late when all the drunk a** people are on the road.
My sister was there already, because she lives there. She's 29 and still with Mommy and Daddy-just a tad embarrassing in my book. No offense to anyone else who lives with their Mom and Dad because I know that everyones circumstances are different and I shouldnt judge but its my sister so I'm allowed to pass comments!

She remained up in her room hiding until we were done with the antipasto and working on the second course of the meal! My Mom had told me that her boyfriends Dad wasnt feeling well and he and my sisters boyfriend were staying home. When my sister finally came downstairs to join the living my cousin asked her about her missing boyfriend and she told him that his Dad's prostate cancer had spread to his bones and he was in a lot of pain with is back. This is old news with him because he has been treated for years with baby doses of chemo (which my DH said is not the way to treat his type of cancer and actually predicted this would happen because his Dr wasnt treating him properly. He even offered his help to him when he first told him about his health a few years ago but never took DH up on the offer) which my sister was taking him for every Wednesday and thats one of the reasons or I should say excuses she used when I needed her to help me. I have a lot of anger not only toward my sister for doing what she did but also toward this man who she chose over her own sister to help when I needed it most. I must admit I wasnt feeling to empathetic towards his plight yesterday. The funny thing is that when she was telling my cousin the details of what was going on with him, I heard her voice get very emotional and upset and I actually thought that she was going to cry! OK, now my blood was boiling. She never cried or let alone expressed any emotion like that about her own sister and she's doing it for a man who is not even her family? Thats why when people use the excuse for her that people react differently and strange when a loved one has a serious illness and they dont know what to say, blah blah bullsh*t, I say thats a load of crapola because look at the situation I just mentioned.

I forgot to mention, when she finally came down to join us she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and said, "Merry Christmas, I have to talk to you when the kids arent around", I thought for a split second that I would get an apology. Later she said, "I wanted to know if you got the kids any toys with batteries because I bought rechargables and the charger and if you dont want it or have one already I can return it." Thats it, thats what she wanted to tell me in private. I havent seen my sister since the beginning of the summer and have had chemo, numerous surgeries, ER vists, without her giving two sh*ts and this is what she says to me? The entire night she pretended that there was no problems between us (queen of denial) and just had small talk but not much because we avoided each other. I just didnt want to cause any rage inside me to biuld up and make a scene. I wanted so badly to say something to her but I didnt want to ruin my Mom's dinner that she worked so hard all day to prepare. My DH happen to notice that she (my sister) escaped to her room a few times and when was taking DS to the bathroom he caught her coming out of her room with a cloud of smoke behind her. Now that would be a great explaination for her being so calm. Just thought I would add that in.

In other news, everyone liked my hair and commented on it all night. They said that it looks almost jet black and wanted to know if I dyed it! I kept saying no but my grandmother didnt believe me. She kept saying, "Is that your natural color?" I cant tell you how many times she asked. It was getting annoying after the 3rd time and she was getting kind of nasty because she thought I wasnt telling the truth. Others were saying how the curls are growing in nicely and that when it gets longer its going to look great

My Dad was the only one that said, "Oh its nice and WAVY, like it used to be when it was long." OK, no offense to wavies out there but my hair was not wavy, it was curly and spiraling curls mind you. Where the heck did he get wavy. We went back and forth about it for a few minutes and then my Mom said to him that my hair was curly like hers and how come he didnt remember? I said, "You cant even remember my hair? I cant believe you cant remember it.

We exchanged gifts with the people who were not going to be there for Christmas dinner today. All the people that I made gifts for LOVED their hand made gifts. My cousin LOVED the brown scarf with fall color stripes that I crocheted and said he had a brown winter coat to match! Then his girlfriend opened hers and she loved her wrist warmers and scarf. I wasnt sure if she would like the scarf because its a plush, soft semi-fuzzy yarn mixed with a Crystal Palace yarn that shimmers with little tied on ribbons. Its retro style and I thought since she is the youngest that she would get the most use out of it and I was right. My Great Aunt LOVED her scarf and so did my Uncle and his wife. I didnt give my parents, grandmother or sisters gifts out yesterday because we will go over my Mom's a little earlier before dinner and open them. I cant wait to see the kids faces when they see what Santa brought them! Yup, they are still asleep if you can believe it. They went to bed very late last night and so did I.

I was surprised that it went as well as it did last night without a major fight but we still have the entire day today to screw it up.

Its Almost Christmas!

Well, I couldnt wait until January for a shaping so I went yesterday to get a trim. I went to the same girl that did a great job last time and she did a great job yet again. I am very happy and I promised myself that I would wait until February so it can grow into its curl a bit. I bought some more styling products to hold me over when my hair gets to that awkward phase which will most likely be a month from now. When you see me complaining in a post dated Jan 20th or so you'll know why!

My kids were so sick this week and my DD almost went to the hospital again but we averted that by getting her on her nebulizers fast and avoiding pneumonia again. She is on the albuterol and pulmacort nebs and its helping a lot. I am using the good old steam vaporizer in my sons room and it is working great.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we have the traditional Italian dinner with the 7 fishes and all the other foods. Christmas Eve is bigger than Christmas Day in our family and always has been that way. I am looking forward to it because its my favorite time of the year but I am also going to be seeing my sister for the 1st time in months and I am not looking forward to that. I dont want a fight to break out but I warned my Mom that I am on the edge and very angry over this entire thing. Its stressing me out and I have a migraine now because of it. In my dreams I am hoping she approaches me and apologizes but that is a dream mind you. If she says anything thats inappropriate I told my Mom that I would embarrass her in front of everyone and I dont care how it makes me look because I have held it in long enough and I have every right to get it out. Believe me, I DONT want this to happen but I have been extremely emotional and I havent been able to control myself so one never knows what will happen.

I am finishing up some last minute knitted and crocheted gifts and I cant wait to give them to their new owners on Christmas! I get more excited giving gifts then getting them and have always been that way. Here is a picture of a cake I made the other day:

Here is a corset belt that I crocheted for my Mom (her Christmas gift):


And finally the socks that I made with a yarn over cable with Cascade Fixation yarn. I finished these a long time ago and never posted about them:


If I dont get a chance to write again before Christmas then MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!

In Memory of Blueberry Pancakes

Here is our beloved Blueberry Pancakes
Born Jan 2004, came into our family Mar 2004, Died Dec 16, 2006


Introducing Christmas (Chris) and Hannukka (Hanna)


I just love the purple spots on her cheeks!

2 Week Post-op Plastic Surgeon Vist

I forgot to mention that I went to my 2 week post op plastic surgery (PS) appointment on Tuesday this past week. Dr A. said everything looked great and that I can see him in one month to set up the next procedure. Hopefully my hair will grow a bit more before then so I dont look like such a dork! LOL

I gave him the scarf I made him along with a cute ornament that is a surgeons scrubs on a tiny hanger (its a Christmas ornament). When I handed him the gift I told him that I wasnt sure if he celebrated Christmas or not but I wanted to give him a gift. He said he celebrates all holidays so I felt better when he said that. The next day my DH caught him bragging about the "beautiful" scarf I made him for Christmas. Wow, I am glad he liked it. I hope everyone else that I made a gift for likes it as much as he did.

I have a lot of knitting to do so off I go!

Hannukka and Christmas

Today was a very sad day in our house. Our little budgie, Blueberry Pancakes, died today at 2 3/4 almost 3 years old. He hasnt looked well for a few weeks and he was moulting so I knew something was wrong. They always say they are more vulnerable when they are moulting. I was giving him extra vitamins and stuff but he was still feeling a bit bony to me. This afternoon when I was about to clean and feed him I looked at the cage and when I couldnt find him on one of the perches I knew immediately that he was dead, then I caught a glimpse of him on the bottom, extremely stiff and of course passed on to birdy heaven. I put him in a little box with his favorite birdie toy and a small blanket (paper towel to cover him). The box was a pretty purple that I had decorated in July with fireworks stickers and such. My DD and DS were both upset and my DD moreso because it was her bird. She couldnt stop crying no matter how much I comforted her. My Mom told me to go to the pet store with her to see if she wanted to get another bird, maybe two so they wouldnt get lonely. She was excited over that idea but still would cry every 10 minutes or so when she thought about the bird. She helped me to clean out his cage and disinfect it, just in case there was some type of illness the bird had that might have contributed to his death. I threw away all of the old toys and cups that held his food too.

We then went to the pet store which happens to be right around the corner and picked out new toys, cuttle bone, food and water cups and of course a mirror! I let my DD pick out the two birds that she wanted and they both happen to be one of each sex. I wasnt to concerned whether it was two boys or two girls or one of each as long as they got along with one another. There are two of them and here are their stats:
Girls name: Hannukka (Hanna for short)
Color: Yellow/Lime with purple cheeks
She is pudgy and cute also has a brown cere (nose) so we know its a girl

Boys name: Christmas (Chris for short)
Color: White with a blue cast has dark blue/black spots on cheek
He is smaller than the girl and a bit shy compared to her but I think he can hold his own (I hope! LOL) and he is definitely a boy because his cere is blue for a boy.

When my DH came home we burried Blueberry Pancakes in our yard with a wooden cross grave marker. We wrote his name and dates of birth and death on it. My DD wanted to write, "WE LOVE YOU" on it so we did. It was sad but we let her participate and she wanted to put the box in the hole DH dug and then said goodbye to him again. We cried and then I told her that we could plant some flowers there in the spring for him. She was happy about that. To comfort her some more I told her that Blueberry was with Grandma Angie and Poppy in heaven and that Poppy was the one that babysit him when we went to Florida in 2004 so he would be taken care of there with all his friends.

This was her 1st pet death and she will be 7 next month and I think she handled it really well. I am not sure my DS understands well enough but he did cry when he saw the bird was dead. He then stated that the new birds are, "not dead birds Mommy." He gets it enough I guess.

If Everyone Cared

IF EVERYONE CARED

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing
Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I'm alive
Singing Amen I'm alive

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

~Nickelback

A State of Mind

A few months ago I visited the library looking for knitting patterns. I was in the knitting book section, which stinks in my library (there are books literaly from the 1950's and 60's-not that its a bad thing but how about buying some new ones?) and came across a book with a book mark in it. It was a fabric bookmark that was very old and was taped onto a piece of plastic to hold it together. This is what it said:

A State of Mind

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win but you think you can't,
it's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
Far out of the World you find success begins with a Fellow's Will-
It's all in The State of Mind


There was no author listed on it so I am not sure who wrote it.
I thought it fit the moment perfectly and still does. Its funny how it was right in front of my eyes when I needed it the most. I am wondering why I found it. I think I was meant to find it now that I think about it.
Someday I would like to put it back in the book where I found it so someone else can find it and be helped by what it says.

2 Weeks and Counting

I am so guilty of not keeping up with my blog and I apologize. So much is going on due to the holidays and I am busy knitting away in the free time I have left so that leaves no time to write in mine. I do believe that Christmas is 2 weeks away. I am so freaking out.

My Mom and I just got back from Toys R Us and I dont even want to say how much she spent. Crazy is one word for it. I rarely buy the kids toys anyway. When I buy them stuff its usually Play Doh or Art stuff and coloring stuff, not toys. They are in need of some age appropriate toys.

Things are well with me and I am healing nicely. I have an appointment with both my breast surgeon (she wants to see me since its a few months since the mastectomy) and with the plastic surgeon next week. The next step in the reconstruction process is going to be 6-8 weeks from 11/27 and thank God I wont be needing general anesthesia for that. The plastic surgeon said twilight sedation with a local is what they use for nipple reconstruction. Then after that heals comes the tatooing phase

Last night we attended my DH's Christmas Party. Everyone was surprised to see me there and said they were glad that I was able to make it. The food was pretty good but today there is a virus running rampant in the house. My Mom had it the other day and today my son was throwing up his guts and now I think my DH is getting it. I have done my share of puking and should never have to puke again so I better not get it! :lol:

My Dad surprised me yesterday by calling me and asking me, my DH and DS to meet him at a furniture store a few towns away. He told me that he wanted to get us a living room set for Christmas since we have been here over a year without one. We picked out a really nice sectional thats a rust colored microfiber, cocktail table, 2 end tables and nice lamps. My Mom said that he did it on his own, she didnt suggest it or anything but I am so happy that he did because now I can have a place for people who come over to sit and relax. I am also going to keep the TV out of the living room. We already have to many televisions and I want that room to be TV free.

My sister still hasnt contacted me. My Mom had said that my Dad spoke to her and that she was going to call and apologize. I knew immediately that wasnt going to happen. I have made the decision that I am not going to let her behavior dictate my life. I really dont care anymore and I dont want to have people like that around me anyway. I am going to try and not let this eat at me every day like it has been. I cant promise that it will happen but I am going to try, very hard. Another thing is I dont know anyone that would want an apology forced out of someone, its not sincere at all and actually hurtful. If the apology doesnt come from the heart its not sincere.

Unplanned Plastic Surgeon Visit

I was running a low grade fever last night and this morning in addition to reddness and warmth around the incision site. I called the plastic surgeon and he told me to come in so he could have a look. I had no way of getting down there because my Mom had to wait for my DD to get out of school. My DH had to leave work, pick me up and take me to the office. He checked me out and said that the site looked good and it wasnt that red and warm or I should say the type of redness that is associated with infection. I am on a very strong antibiotic (Clindamycin) and he thinks that should cover me. Fever or low grade fever is related to the lungs and congestion that develops after surgery from being intubated. Plus the surgery was 2.5 hours which I thought was going to be shorter. I have some flem that I am bringing up and he said to keep doing that and breathe deep to get the lungs moving. I cant stand surgery and I am almost finished. The next procedure is nipple reconstruction that is done under a twilight anesthesia where you are semi-conscious. Oh joy, but at least its better than general anesthesia. He even said that it could be done under local if I wanted but I dont think thats going to happen. My surgeon is going away on vacation next week and he told me that if I have any questions or concerns to bring them up to him before Sunday. If I knew he was going to take a vacation the week after my surgery then I would have made the surgery for another time when he was not going to be away. The point right now is mute so it doesnt matter. I cant change anything just hope that nothing goes wrong in the next two weeks. My next appointment with the surgeon is in 2 weeks. My DH had to return to work after he took me and I think they are going to pay him for the whole day (whew! thats great, I thought he would lose hours over this).

I got another order from NC.com on Monday, the same day I had surgery. I called them yesterday and they were very concerned about me. I told them that the order would go out on Friday or Saturday, definitely by the end of the week. They said no problem and told me to take care that they were thinking about me. I checked my supplies and I think I have just enough to get #24 out. At least I hope I do. After they pay me I have to order from FROM NATURE WITH LOVE. They usually are fast with delivery which is a great thing when you need stuff fast.

DH is off for a couple of days so maybe we can do something together like make SIAS! He is a big help to me when I have an order. We can also go to breakfast or lunch together. Its supposed to be nice tomorrow so maybe we can go to the beach.
DH has his jobs Christmas party next week and we had planned on going before I had my surgery. I still want to go but I am going to play it by ear and see how I feel. Tomorrow is my DD's Holiday Boutique at her school. I was going to scope it out to see what types of crafts people sell there. I think it would be a great place to sell my knitted and crocheted items, if I can make a bunch thats worthy! :lol:

On the knitting front I finally finished the second Pink Cascade Fiixation sock! Now I have a few others to finish, I got a great pattern for a dishcloth in the Mason-Dixon Knitting Book. I think they would be a great gift for anyone with a kitchen. They are so pretty and look harder to do than they actually are. I am not sure yet because I havent tried but this is what the book says! LOL

Home from the Hospital

I am home from the hospital and feeling good. I have pain but nowhere near the amount I had after the bilateral. I stayed overnight and I am sure glad I did because I was in a lot of pain after surgery. Now that I had the chance to rest in the hospital overnight I feel a lot better. No lifting or anything that gets the heartrate up for 2-3 weeks and I have to see the Dr two weeks from today. The implants are a lot softer than the expanders and feel much better under the skin. The Dr said that he thinks the swelling in my left arm and the cording and tightness will get better now that the expanders are out and not putting pressure on the armpit muscle area. He said he cant guarantee that but it did get better last time (after the bilateral) so maybe he's right. Thank God I am allowed to shower tomorrow and not like when I had the other surgery and had to waited 2 weeks!

I worked on my sock this morning while waiting for the Dr to discharge me and everyone was asking what I was making. I am always working on socks when I go to the surgeons office so he must think I have a shitload hidden in a drawer at home.

On the subject of my sister, I dont want to talk about it other than to say that I am sad she has chosen not to have a relationship with me (or other members of the family). I dont talk about the situation to hurt her or upset her because she doesnt read my blog anyway but even if she did I am not sure it would make a difference. My parents know that I have tried and so have they to open the lines of communication with her and offer her help but she has refused. You cant say that we havent tried but I still feel guilty.

In the Hospital before Surgery

I am actually in the hospital right now blogging from my Ambulatory surgery room. They just stuck an IV in my arm (they wanted to put it in my hand but I stopped them otherwise I couldnt knit!) Its in my right arm because of the lymphedema in my left but I can deal with it. I have dealt with worse. I have a lot to talk about but I am limited right now because the DR and the anesthesiologist will be in soon to speak to me. My Mom had a "conversation" with my sister about her behiour towards me and others and it didnt go well. I am extremely upset by this and I think my sister needs some help. I am being totally serious when I say this. Mental illness manifests itself in your mid to late twenties. My DH has dealt with a lot of mental illness in his family and he grew up with it so if anyone knows about it, he does. She definitely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you look it up it describes her to a T. Thats all I will say right now.

I have a HUGE migraine and I hope I have good pain control after surgery and not like the last time where I was in agony. They just told me who the anesthesiologist was and I dont know him, not a good sign. I am also not sure if I am staying overnight but I am going to try. Its not considered an admission because its under 23 hours so its no additional paperwork for the Dr.

Yesterday my Mom was over and went food shopping with me and prepared dinner for my Dad, Grandmother and Aunt. I had so much stuff to do and never really did any of it all but at least the laundry is done and the kids will have clean clothes for the week.

On the way to the hospital I stopped at the book store and bought a few knitting mags and a crochet one. I also bought MASON-DIXON knitting which is a must have for all knitters out there. If I am not in the knitting mood then I will read. Gotta keep busy! I'll try to post after surgery if I am up to it.

Thanksgiving and my Caplet

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and we went to my cousins house. It was better than I thought it was going to be. First, the weather was HORRIBLE and traveling in it was treacherous. I hate traveling during the holidays but I hate it even more when the weather is bad and you have to travel in it. Secondly, everyone was nice and no one said anything stupid which is a world record for my family. My Dad was even nice and my sister was MIA (nothing new). Thirdly, I got to hold a couple of babies and give them the bibs (sorry no pics) I made them. My cousins little boy even got to use his because he was spitting up so much. Lastly, I finished the caplet I was making and was able to wear it. Everyone thought it was store bought. I am not sure if thats a good thing or not but I think they meant it as a compliment. It took me a month to make and its soooo soft and warm. The great thing is that its not too warm like wool sometimes can be. Everyone asked what it was made out of and some were amazed when I said alpaca. My cousin who doesnt know much about yarns said, "You can buy that kind of yarn at the store?" I chuckled when he said that. He sould only know what you can buy at a yarn store. Here is a picture of my STR that came a while ago in the mail. I forgot to mention it. Its Jingle Bell Rock, X-Mas Rock, and Scottish Highlands:

Here is the caplet that I had a pattern for but went off on my own and did the trim in pink and changed the neckline a little:



On a sad note, my good friends Mom died this morning. I received a call from our mutual friend this morning. She is not sure were the wake and funeral will be. I am having surgery on Monday and I really would like to go but depending on where and when it is I will have to see what I can do. Her Mom was an inspiration to me when I was 1st diagnosed with cancer because she called me and prayed with me on the phone. She made me feel like I could beat it and she above all people had conquered serious medical problems in the past and I knew she understood how I felt. She had 2 kidney transplants (one rejected) an amputated limb and other organ problems throughout her life. I think that in the end it was her heart that failed which for such a kind and loving woman who gave so much of her heart to others is so sad. I know that she is definitely no longer suffering right now but her daughters who are my friends are. I will continue to pray for them now because I cant imagine what they are going through. Please say a prayer or send a good thought in their direction.

Spamming JERKS!

I just went through my entire blog checking where people can make comments. You would think that I would have done this a long time ago but hey what can I say. I had to delete these stupid comments that I thought were made by people being nice and realize that its the generic spamming crap like: "Keep up the good work" OR "You've really got some great info, I've bookmared your site" JERKS. After clicking on them I realize that they are all full of shit! They are advertisers just trying to get people to click on their site and I did!! I am so pissed at myself for going to look, UGH!! They can shove their comments where the sun dont shine.
A**holes, comment on that!

First Haircut in 7 months

The last time I cut my hair was in April when I buzzed it in preparation for losing it from chemo. It started growing back about 6 weeks after my last treatment which was June 29, 2006. It started as peach fuzz and then started to fill in from there. Yesterday I had enough of my hair. It was a total disaster and all over the place. It was overgrown (like a hedge that needs pruning) and in need of some shine/style. I went to the same place I used to go to when I needed a trim and a wonderful girl trimmed it up nice. She did a color wash which brought back some shine and used some styling wax (something I was never able to use with my waist length curls). It was like magic! I love my hair now and I dont feel like I have to wear a hat when I go out.



I dont like posting pics of myself but I am proud of my hair growth. I'll update when it grows a significant amount again.

I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and signed all the papers for the surgery. I am part of a study so theres lots of paperwork. The Dr has to call and interview me about my families medical history and then I think I am ready. I also have to go for bloodwork next week in preparation for the surgery. My hand is still very swollen and I wear my compression glove when I can but it makes my hand numb if I wear it too long and I cant knit while wearing it. Still working on the Christmas gifts as quickly as I can but my DD wants me to finish her socks and she asks me if I am finished every second of the day. I should be done with them tonight if I am lucky.

My sons visit to the ENT went well and he doesnt think he needs his tonsils out just yet. He's not apnic when he's sleeping, he just snores and thats not putting him in danger. The Dr still wants me to listen to him when he sleeps. OK, like I can stay up all night and listen to him and DH snore. Well, they both keep me awake anyway so whats the difference? LOL

Isnt this supposed to be relaxing?

Knitting is supposed to be a meditative and relaxing thing to do but lately its turning into just the opposite. Knitting all these gifts for people in such a limited time is very frustrating. Instead of making what I really want to make cerain people I have resorted to fast and somewhat easy projects instead of challenging and rewarding projects. If it were up tp me I would knit everyone socks, really nice ones, but time is limited and socks take time. I knit fast but not that fast! Right now I am blocking the scarf I was working on in the last post (Blk/Brn merino ribbon like yarn) and started my sisters corset belt and a bamboo stitch scarf (which is very interesting and at least not as boring as straight stockingette/garter stitch). I made a list of all the people I would like to give a handmade gift to and I realize that maybe I should not be making a scarf for the mailman and give him something else. He's a nice man and I though it would be a nice gift instead of candy which we gave him last year. He can certainly use it in the winter when he is delivering mail. He doesnt walk around the neighborhood here because there are too many homes and some are far apart so he drives the little postal delivery truck (I love those little trucks! They would be great for short runs to the grocery store. Thats why I want a VESPA so bad, but thats another post). Well, I have to see how fast I can crank out these other gifts and then see if I can give these people what I planned on giving them.

I received my STITCHES ( www.knittinguniverse.com ) info in the mail today. I am planning on going to the one thats going to be in Baltimore next October and I cant wait! Its a 3-4 day knitting conference that has classes and a marketplace that is all about kntiting (and some crocheting too). My OT went this year and invited me to go with her but all the classes were booked and I didnt have the money for it this year. When I get my tax refund I am going to put aside the money so I can pre-register and get a hotel room. My OT said I could room with her to save $ on the hotel so at least I'll save some money and spend what I save on yarn and stuff in the marketplace! Yay!

My DD's school is doing a presentation next week for Thanksgiving and the teacher sent a paper home talking about it. It says that "YOUR CHILD HAS CHOSEN TO BE A PILGRIM". The choices were Native American, something else or Pilgrim. I wish she chose to be the Native American then it would have been a lot easier to pick out the clothing and stuff they need for the costume because I have it. She needs a long skirt, apron, and white blouse for the pilgrim costume. All the things that I DONT have or if I did have (long skirt) dont fit her anymore. Then the note said not to go out and buy anything if you dont have it. Its also in the late moring where a lot of parents are not going to be able to make it and some kids are going to be disappointed if the parents cant be there. My DH is one of the parents that are working and my DD is a little upset.

My headache has returned and I am trying to rest now before I have to run out and get my DD from school. Ugh, these feakin' headaches!

Froggitis

Well, I am assuming that most dont know what I am talking about when I made the title of this post, so I'll explain. When you "frog" a knitting project or crochet project or rip it back to start over its called frogging. They call it this because you "rip-it, rip-it" like the sound a frog makes so therefore frogging. I cant remember if I explained this before but there it is anyway. Last night, after working 18 rows on the body of my Lorna Laces sock I decide to try it on and guess what, it didnt fit!! I was so pissed my gauge was very off. I thought it was 8 sts per inch and it was 10. A very big difference I must say so I frogged the sock and started a pair for my daugher with my leftover Artyarns #119 (green striped ones). She is bugging me to make her a pair and when she grows out of them her brother can wear them. I finished the alpaca blend scarf and it definitely could have been longer but I couldnt take it anymore so I made the fringe long to make up for it. It was annoying the heck out of me so now its done and in the finished pile. I started another scarf with Lane Borgosesia Jacquard 55% fine merino 45% acrylic. The texture is like a knitted ribbon and very soft. Since it has this texture to it already I am making the scarf in stockinette stitch to bring out the texture and color on its own. Blocking it might be in order when I am done with but we will see when its complete. I bought the yarn (4 balls/60yds each) a long time ago at 1/2 price. I am not sure who its going to yet but that will be determined at a later date like 12/24 when I am wrapping gifts! LOL. FInally I am also going to start my sisters gift today (sometime). It will be crocheted which is a nice change of pace for me since I havent crocheted in a long time. Not sure if its a deserved gift but its Christmas so, so...

So little time

I have been so busy the past few days I havent had a chance to write. Christmas is 6 weeks away and my surgery is 2 weeks away. I am ready for the surgery but not Christmas. I have a load of gifts to make and I am moving slowly because my left arm and hand has been swollen and hurting from my lymphedema. It doesnt stop me but it does slow me down. I did finish the KOIGU socks and I also finished one of the pink Cascade Fixation socks. Here is a picture of the KOIGU sock. Yes, its just one but there is another that goes with it believe me!

I should have made them on larger needles than #2's becuase its taken me so long to finish one. I started the second and I am working on the pattern on the leg. I also started another sock in Lorna's Laces Safari color and I am also working on the body of that one on size #0's. Yeah, I am crazy. The smaller needles dont bother me as much as the larger ones. I wont question why because I LOVE making socks more than anything else but I dont have enough time to make people socks for gifts. I dont think I will be able to make the Dr the socks I wanted to make him for Christmas. He'll have to wait until after the holidays for those socks.

I havent been feeling myself for a few weeks and I was supposed to go for an MRI this past week but I wasnt allowed to at the last minute. Literally, I was in the changing room to go into the machine and I told the tech that I had expanders in for reconstruction from a mastectomy. She told me to wait a minute while she consulted someone. She came back and said that I couldnt have the MRI at this time because the expanders have magnets in them and since the MRI was for my head and under the higher powered magnet there was no way I was having the scan. Great, I thought, what the hell are they going to do about this damn headache?? I called my DH and he told me that he was going to try and get me a CAT scan that day, since I was already at the hospital. I had an OT appointment and after that I had the CAT scan with contrast (my favorite). It turns out that a lady in my knitting group, Nancy, was the CAT scan tech that did my scan. She was so nice to me and held my hand while the contrast was being injected. That stuff makes you feel really hot and flushed, like you cant breathe. Luckily it only lasts a few minutes.
The CAT scan was negative along with the blood work which is good news but the Dr still wants the MRI after my surgery.

My daughter is doing well and mostly recovered from the pneumonia. She is still on the Pulmicort nebulizer for a couple of more days but much much better. I hope she doesnt get sick again this winter or we can at least head it off before it gets to that point. My son has an appointment with the ENT because his tonsils are HUGE and probably have to come out. He is having trouble breathing at night when he's asleep and that when the Dr said we would have to think about having his tonsils out. I am very nervous about this because it would mean a hospitalization for him. The same Dr that took my tonsils out and did my thyroidectomy would do his surgery so I trust him and he's wonderful with kids. I swear, I think I spend more time in the hospital than my own home!

Chemo Rebound

Yesterday around 4pm I had a wave of nausea and sickness sweep over me like a wave. I wasnt sure what was happening but I felt like I was going to pass out and die. Yeah it was that bad. I actually can say that it felt like I was getting chemo again. My DH had explained to me that cancer patients who have received chemo can get whats called chemo rebound where they suddenly feel like I did yesterday. I was actually very scared while it was happening because I have had a migaine for over a week and its killing me and then my arm and hand is swolllen to twice its size so I thought it was all related in some way and I was going to spontaneously combust. I took some medication that I thought would help and ate a bite for dinner and I began to feel a teensy bit better. I felt the same this morning so I called the oncologist and he ordered a head MRI for tomorrow morning. UGH, I hate those because they put your head in this cage like vice so you cant move while they are doing the test. It sucks. Then I am a little frightened over what they could find. Last time I had a MRI of my head was over 7 years ago before my DD was born. I was having insane migraines all the time and thats why they did it. They didnt find anything and I hope they continue to find nothing. The DR said to take my Ativan before having the test and I would most likely sleep through it. If anyone has ever had an MRI its sooo loud that its like sleeping with a guy who is jackhammering right next to your head. I am not sure sleep is going to happen unless I OD on the Ativan.

Tonight I have a knitting meeting and I am excited to show them my socks (still not finished mind you). I have to do a little bit more and then I am done. I would have been done if I felt better but I WILL finish it today. Another nice woman I met in my socks class wants me to go to another knitting group tomorrow night and I really want to go to also. I hate when these damn headaches and such run my life. There are things I want to do and I cant do them because it hurts to much. Frustrating is the word for it.

Healing & Hurting

My DD came home from the hospital on Monday. She is doing much better and is on several nebulizers, antibiotics and steriods. The pediatrician called to check up on her yesterday and told me to call on Friday with another status report. They want to make sure she doesnt relapse which is common with pneumonia. I decided to keep her home from school this week just for that reason even though I think she would be OK for school. She is also getting to many breathing treatments and I dont want her to have to do them at school. I called her teacher yesterday and left a message to call me back but she never did. I wanted to know if there was anything in particular that I should be covering with her so she is caught up when she goes back on Monday.

The family situation is still the same. My Mom (as far as I know) hasnt really confronted my father like he should be confronted. He left 5 messages on my phone asking how my DD was but not once did he apologize to me. He went on for a few minutes about how I misunderstood what he said and that he was sorry that I misunderstood and took it out of context. Yeah, right, my fault again as usual. I wasnt home the 3 times he called and the other 2 I ignored because I know if I got on the phone with him it would go no where and he just wants to make himself feel that he is right and I dont want to give him that chance. I do wish that I saved the letter that I had written to him before I started chemo so he can see that he hasnt changed as he said he would. He never asked me for help when I was sick and I am not just talking about when I was diagnosed with cancer. I am going back to before my DD was born and then when I had all my surgery. He actually started a HUGE arguement with me on the phone after I had my carpal tunnel surgery and I was 6 months pregnant with my DD. The 'discussion' was about a small boat that my grandmother (his mom) said I could keep in her garage and all of a sudden she was having second thoughts and called me to ask questions about the boat. I didnt really know the specifics about the measurements and stuff, my DH knew all those things so I told the both of them to call back in a half hour or so when DH would be coming home. This is when the fight broke out and everyone was yelling at the pregnant woman recouperating from surgery. Heartless a**holes. I ended the conversation crying my eyes out and called my Mom because I didnt want my Dad to lie about what happened. After this entire incident I didnt talk to my Grandmother for over a month. I never understood what the problem was either especially since she allowed her other grandchild to keep a sh*t load of furniture in her garage. Yeah, it is screwed up but it seems lots of people have favorites in my family or different rules for different people. Anyway, my Dad thinks its just one thing that he said that upset me but its so much more. Its the many things he has said to me and its almost as if he blames me in a way for being sick and thats the only explaination I can think of for the way he is behaving. He has also treated others badly such as my Mom and my grandmother. Granted my grandmother says some messed up stuff but she has dementia and is old so her brain is not working properly. You dont fight with someone like that, you ignore them or walk away. She has made nasty comments about me but I just ignore (most of them at least) them and blame it on her mental state. As for my sister I dont have an explaination either but it seems she is taking lessons on how to cause mental anguish from my Dad. She hasnt even called to see how my DD is doing and I know that someone must have told her that my DD was sick. She was in the hospital for heavens sake. The whole world knew when my cousins kid was sick and in the hospital and my Dad's cell phone rang every hour with an update on the kids condition. Not so when my DD was sick. Double standards and hypocrisy are the words of the day children. Ugh, it makes me so mad.

Concerning my health-I went to the Oncologist on Tuesday to have bloods and a 3 month post chemo check up. Blood work was all good and the DR told me that I looked good and all was well with the physical exam. I asked him for the percentages for recurrence and he hesitated before he said them. I told him that I didnt much put to much faith in them since I am always in the minority number anyway and I know that everyone is different. He told me that its 15-20% chance of recurrence. He then said that the number is high but the other number for not recurring is higher. OK, the glass is half full, I get it. I try to think positive but this is always in the back of my mind. I really try hard not to think about it but with all the stress going on in my life right now its something that my mind is stuck on. I dont know if its feeling sorry for myself because I dont usually do that and if it is I need to get out of that mindset immediately before it causes more problems.
My arm (the one with Lymphedema) has been bothering me beyond belief and has gotten progressively worse over the past 2 weeks. I went to OT Tuesday and I think that it made it worse. Last night I actually called my plastic surgeon and told him (cried to him) how much pain it was causing me. He said that I was doing everything right by taking Motrin and using heat and so on and that he couldnt do anything with the expander to make it better. He cant move my surgery up because I am doing it the earliest day possible (11/27). He told me to take a muscle relaxant and that would help. I happen to have Baclofen in the house from my back issues so I took some last night and this morning. I am not sure if its helping yet but I am sure it cant hurt. He said if it was still bothering me to call him. I dont think he can do anything else though so whats the point? He also told me to lay off the therapy because sometimes it can make it worse. It might have been the ultrasound therapy that did it.

On the knitting front-I am still working on the other KOIGU sock and started a CASCADE FIXATION sock with a baby cable rib pattern. I would like to finish one of them by this weekend. The wool that I won from E-Bay came yesterday and it is so pretty. Its a little scratchy but I think after a few handwashes it will soften up. I decided to make a pair of socks with it but there is 1000 yds so I have to find something else to do with it. A shawl sounds nice also but I have a lot of time to think about it. Christmas is coming and I HAVE TO get going with the gift making. I have a few made but I have lots more. Right now I have to finish a scarf that I am going in moss stitch with Paton's Rumors alpaca blend yarn. It looks really nice but its shedding a bit as I am knitting which is a bit annoying.

Thanks to everyone who sent their well wishes to my DD. We love you for it!:inlove:

Knit REALLY Happens, and happens...

This entry was from Friday October 27, 2006
We went to The NY Sheep and Wool Festival on Sunday, known to the fiber arts community as just RHINEBECK and had the best time ever! I didnt spend as much money as thought I would but I had some rules I set for myself which I pretty much stuck to. Altogether with food, fee to get in, gifts for the kids, and of course yarn for me. I met a friend of mine thats in my Magic Loop Sock class. She was nice enought to stop me from purchasing a couple of patterns that she had already purchased. She took me aside and told me that she could send me a copy of them and save me the money. I received them today and I am so glad I didnt have to spend the money on them. It was very nice of her and I have to give her a call so we can get together and make more socks. I had my last Magic Loop sock class on Tuesday night and I am officially sock obssessed! Most of my yarn purchases there were sock yarn and I am awaiting an order from www.littleknits.com which should be here tomorrow. I have to cast on for a pair I am making for my plastic surgeon. The kids had a great time at the festival watching the sheep dog trials, pumpkin toss, sheep and llama auctions, all the food vendors and of course running in the open spaces of the Dutchess County Fairgrounds. I was upset that I did not get any Socks that Rock from Bluemoon Fiber Arts but I know now where to get them. There are so many buildings with so many vendors that you dont know where to go first. Now I know that a booth reserved by "the Fold" sells them. You can also buy them directly online so its not that big of a deal. Another friend of mine is going to STITCHES EAST in Baltimore next week and said if she sees any that she would grab them for me. You should be able to see them here:
www.bluemoonfiberarts.com or www.thefoldatmc.net Sorry for the enabling for the other fiber enthusiasts out there!

I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon on Wednesday. He said that everything looked great and we could set up the surgery for the exchange. I have a lot of paperwork to sign since I am chosing the silicone gel implants over the saline and there is an ongoing study of women who had bilateral mastectomies and then have reconstruction with the silicone implants. They look better than the saline and also feel better due to the fact that women with mastectomies have to stretch the skin and muscle unlike people that just have implants put in. I have done my research about these things and I am not afraid at all about the decsion I made. There are risks involved with everything in life and I cant worry about all of them.

I have been going back to my OT for my arm because it has developed the cording problem again. This time its making it hard to move it in cerain ways but no where near the amount of disomfort/pain that I before.

My contribution to SOCKTOBERFEST is complete and I am working on the second sock of the second pair. The good news is that I have some left overs for a small childs sock. Probably for my son because my DD's feet are too big. I feel a little weird because I am on my second pair and almost done and others have done many, MANY more socks than I. I may have to extend this socktoberfest into November and even December. Heck it should be year round! Here are the completed socks:


I finished my 1/2 mittens (they're called FETCHING and the pattern can be found here www.knitty.com) I liked the pattern a lot but the next time I make them I am going to change the design to suit my own style. There are others without the cable design that will be done a lot faster than this pair was. What takes so long is the cables. I am going to give this pair to someone who was admiring them as a Christmas present.

My Mom is coming to help out with the kids tomorrow. Hopefully I can rest a little. I wish I could talk more but its now 3:15am and I have to go sleep.

***********************************

This post was written Saturday night (late):
Remember in my last post I thought that I would be getting some rest today, well think again! My DD was coughing all day and nothing was helping her with it. Her temperature was also on the rise. I was giving her Motrin alternating with Tylenol, cold and cough medicine. I could tell something wasnt right at all. Later on in the afternoon my Mom was with the kids in the family room and I was upstairs doing some laundry (you can see I was resting ) when all of a sudden I hear crying (a distressful cry) and my Mom calling me to come down and listen to dd's lungs because she was having trouble breathing and also wheezing. I heard the wheeze and overall didnt like the way she looked including her color which was very pale and greenish. I called hubby at work and told him that I was bringing her to the ER and to expect us within the half hour. I initially thought that it was a simple bronchitis that needed antibiotics but of course this is my life we are talking about we have to make it worse than that! DD has pneumonia in the left lung and also needed oxygen and 5 albuterol treatments just to get her oxygen to a normal level. They also gave her IV steroids to help her breathe. They started her on some IV antibiotics after they got back the CBC which noted a slightly elevated WBC count. After the 2nd albuterol nebulizer treatment she started to get the shakes and a bit tachycardic (which albuterol can do) and then she vomited all over the place. I cought most of it in an emesis basin (I am so skilled at that right now ). Her color was getting worse and her fever was creaping up again. Now it was just shy of 102. They gave her some Motrin and the pediatric Nurse Practitioner said that she should stay overnight due to her dropping oxygen levels on room air. When she was on the oxygen via mask her levels were great but once it was off it went right to the high 80's, lower 90's which is not good for a child. They like to see it as close to 100 as you can get. Another reason she is staying is that her lungs are not exchanging air well causing the low O2 levels. I felt so bad I cant explain into words so I was crying out of frustration right in the exam room. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. It sucks to be sick and this is the 3rd or 4th time she has had pneumonia in her life. Its funny because last week we brought the kids for their flu shots to prevent something like this and it happens anyway. You never know I guess but as long as they find out whats wrong and treat it properly then I can sleep well. My DH is staying with DD at the hospital because she aske him too. I usually stay with the kids in the hospital but she wanted her Daddy this time. I drove home VERY tired & upset, wanting to crawl into bed but of course I couldnt do that. I worked on my sock that I started for my DR today and realized that there was a mistake in it and frogged the entire sock! I made the mistake in the hospital because I was upset and very emotional. I shouldnt have brought it with me but it did help keep me occupied while waiting for the test results. I just started another one with CASCADE FIXATION which has an elastic component to it so it has a lot of stretch. Of course its PINK! I really have to get going with the DR's sock now, I think I might make him a heavier weight sock so it gets completed quicker? I will ponder that thought....

This post was written this morning:
I cant believe I fell asleep without submitting this post! What a dork I am
I just got off the phone with DH and found out that DD probably has to stay another night because her O2 sats are still low (she's not getting enough oxygen in her lungs) and she's still wheezing. She's getting breathing treatments every 3 hours, IV antibiotics and fluids and constant oxygen to keep her levels up. At least she got to have some breakfast this morning. I wasnt sure because she was vomiting last night. I think it was from the albuterol because it was also causing her to be hyper and tachycardic. I am waiting for the Dr to call to see if she is coming home. If not I am going to bring her some stuffed animals and books to keep her busy. My DH is supposed to work tomorrow but is obviously not going to because someone has to stay with our DD and somone also has to be with our son. Thank GOD my Mom was here yesterday. Even if she wasnt she said that she would have come up anyway to help. I will update later with any new news. Please say a little prayer for my DD to get well soon. I know all of you that prayed for me or thought of me when I needed you most brought me through some very rough times and I know that it will help my DD through this time as well.

Socktoberfest 2006!

I officially joined Socktoberfest! No its not a contest and there is no entrance fee, its just like Oktoberfest is the celebration of everything beer, Socktoberfest is the celebration of everything socks. I am dedicated to knitting (or crocheting) mostly socks for the entire month. I know that half the month is already finished but I have already knit one sock (ARTYARNS Handpainted Stripes #119 Olive) and am currently working on the second one with my Addi Turbo #5 US 40" needles using the Magic Loop method. I am currently taking the Magic Loop Class at Knitting Central and last night we had our 2nd class. Only one more to go. I made the 1st sock on 5 DPN's and I can honestly say that this is a lot easier and less near death experiences are occuring with the Addis verses the bamboo DPN's! LOL I am also working on a KOIGU sock on #2 US 40" Addis. The colorway is absolutely beautiful and I just love KOIGU yarn for socks. This is a great hint for anyone in my family that reads my blog to note all my favorite yarns and stuff because Christmas is coming and stockings look so pretty stuffed with nice red KOIGU yarns! (you need 2 hanks to make socks for anyone reading this) Last night I was up until after 2am turning the heel on my sock. I think I made a mistake because I had to frog it back to where I began my heel flap! I was so pissed. This morning I called the instructor and I am going to meet with her tomorrow at Knitting Central so she can show me the proper way to do what I have unsuccessfully have been trying to do for the past 24 hours. I did finish turning the heel and now I need to know where to put my stitches so I can finish the f-ing sock! It sounds like I am mad at the sock but I am not. I am just mad at the learning process being so slow with my chemo affected brain.
When I had my class last night the yarn shop had all the Tilly Thomas yarns and knitted samples from a trunk show they had in a HUGE basket in front of the store. The yarn in ABSOLUTELY FEAKIN' GORGEOUS. Pictures online dont do it justice at all. You have to see it, touch and feel it, heck, even smell it in person. They have yarns that have gems, polished beads, sequins and genuine swarovski crystals in the yarn so you dont have to string them on yourself. They range in price from $28 for plain silk without any beads to $128-140 for the ones with the swarovski crystals. I personally LOVE the crystals but I dont have that kind of money to spend on 1 skein of yarn even though there are a lot of yardage in one skein. 220 yards of the plain silk is reasonably priced at $28.

I continue to be hurt, angry, upset and very disappointed in my sisters behavior toward me. When we spoke the other day she did not once apologize for any thing she has said about me or address anything that I wrote about in the letter I gave her. I am not sure she wants a relationship with me anymore. She cerainly doesnt act like she wants one and I am sure she doesnt cry over it like I do. So tell me, why do I care so much?

The AVON WALK for Breast Cancer

This past weekend was the AVON WALK in NYC. My Mom raised $7500 and walked 39 miles in 2 days. I went down to the closing ceremonies on Sunday with my Dad and my friend whom I have known since the 3rd grade. This is the same friend that was avoiding me and had said some silly things to me when I was 1st diagnosed. I am glad that she came with me and she also said that she might join my Mom and me as a team next year. I didnt commit to walking this year due to the fact that I wasnt sure I would be able to complete it so soon after my surgery. The closing ceremonies were very emotional and I think I cried through 3/4 of it but I felt much better afterwards. Seeing all the women, men, families and friends that have been affected by breast cancer was unbelievable. They had survivors representing countries from around the world that walked. They travel to all the AVON walks to represent their countries. You knew who all the survivors were because the ones that walked were wearing light pink and the others wore dark pink. I was wearing pink pants, sweater, sneakers, fleece, Pink Panther socks (which is going to be our team name next year) and my AVON WALK survivor hat. It says, "I stand because you walk". I love that hat. Together everyone raised over $9.7 million dollars and the money was still coming in throughout the weekend and after the walk.

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking about my cancer coming back. I cant help thinking about it because its a possiblility. Seeing all these women, many of whom were much younger than me, made me realize that I am not alone and that we all have to be thinking the same thing. I am not sure why but knowing there are so many others makes me feel better even though I dont wish there were so many of us.

After we got back from the city we all went out to eat at a local Italian place with my husband, the kids, my grandmother, parents, two Aunts and friend. I am not sure where my sister was. My Mom said that she had a wedding or something upstate. I dont think that she would have come if she was home anyway. We had a nice dinner and I was proud wearing all my pink and several people in the restaurant asked me if I walked.

On Tuesday I had my Magic Loop Socks class and it was AWESOME! I promise to post sock pictures when I am done. I also have decided to make my plastic surgeon a nice pair of dress socks and the scarf that I am almost done with. I picked out a nice chocolate brown color by Dale of Norway for him. Now I have to pick out the perfect pattern to go with them.I dont know what size shoe he wears so I asked my husband to investigate and ask the OR nurses what size he wears. I hope he doesnt think I am crazy when I hand him a pair of hand knitted socks. He probably already thinks I am anyway.

On Wednesday I had my last fill up with the plastic surgeon and now I have to go back in 2 weeks to see when we can set up the exchange surgery. I really want to have the surgery before Christmas because these expanders are extremely uncomfortable.

Wednesday night I went to my Stitch N Bitch meeting and it POURED that night. I didnt pick a good night to go. It started to lightning and thunder the minute I walked in my house. Thank God it didnt start doing that while I was driving otherwise I would have pulled over and stopped driving.

My sister called me while I was typing this entry up. She called to thank me for the scarf and hat that I gave her for her birthday. She didnt mention the letter I wrote her or address anything that I spoke about in it. I asked her if she would like to come here on Sunday for dinner and of course she said that she made plans for her birthday to go into the city. Some things will never change.

$40 socks and Nasty Kids

We went out to the hibatchi place on Friday night and the kids were sooooo good. I thought they were someone elses kids for a moment! They loved to watch the chef cook right in front of them. My daughter proclaimed she wanted to be a chef when she grows up but she has said that before. Maybe we have a future chef brewing! I would love for her to do that, heck I would love anything she wanted to do that made her happy. My husband and I didnt go to the movies afterwards because I was exhausted which was fine with him. I want to see a new movie coming out with Christian Bale called THE PRESTIGE. It comes out Oct 20th so I'll have to wait but I am a patient woman.

Monday the kids were off from school because of the holiday and I went to my Knit Group Meeting (the one with my Occupational Therapist). I havent been able to make the Stitch n Bitch meets because DH has been working those days so I was very happy to make it to this meet. They are all going to the STITCHES EAST convention and thats all they spoke about www.knittinguniverse.com . I am so jealous but I AM going next year so I am not that jealous. I brought the sock that I completed and they were all impressed. It made me feel good coming from professionals who crank out sweaters every week! They all weighed in and told me that I needed more yarn to complete the second sock because there was not enough left over. If I started the second sock and had to attach another ball of yarn I would have an issue because it would not likely match up. The yarn is varigated and I would have to find the exact place in the yarn so the stripes would match. They all said to just get another ball of the yarn. Problem was they dont have this yarn ANYWHERE except online. I went to www.knittingzone.com and ordered Artyarns Haindpaint Stripes #119 and as soon as it comes I am in business. These are becoming very expensive socks but just imagine what a great story it makes for my 1st pair of socks. I have to remember to take a picture of the completed sock but I might wait until I finish the second one. I am not planning to start it right away due to the fact that I have the Magic Loop Sock class coming up next week and they said that there would be homework. They are expecting us to complete the pair in the 3 classes so I will have homework every week. I also ordered a ball winder with the yarn and it is exciting because it takes me forever to wind up hanks of yarn into balls. It took me 20 minutes the other day to wind the Shaefer Esperanza yarn into a HUGE ball that impressed my DD I tell you. She said, WOW Mom thats a huge ball of yarn! She was right. The ball winder makes the yarn into a center pull ball thats shaped like a 'cake'. They call it a 'cake' because it looks like one more than a ball. Its kind of square and very pretty to look at. Sometimes the skeins that you buy at a craft store are better when they are wound into a 'cake' and are easier to work with. So in other words I will be winding everything with my ball winder. Enough talk about yarn.

My hair is almost a 1.5" now. I have left the house without my hat on. Thats an accomplishment. I had to take my daughter to her 1st CCD class and after meeting in the classroom we went over to the church for a blessing. I was sitting in the same row as the teacher (who was sitting next to me) and her son (who is also in the class and the same age as my daughter) was sitting behind me. All the kids were loud and being very rude and I cant imagine that the teacher couldnt hear what her son was saying/ and or doing in the seat directly behind her. He and his friends kept touching my head and I heard them laughing and making fun of me. I know that they are kids but I was still hurting inside. It really made me feel horrible and I wanted to cry. I wanted to turn around and give these boys a piece of my mind but the mother was right next to me and we were in church. I did however turn around a give them a dirty look but it didnt do much. I cant get over how useless his mother was during this entire thing AND she is the teacher. I hope this kid doesnt cause trouble the entire year in this class. Ugh, stress.

Bigger Boobs!

My OT called me yesterday and told me that I wasnt on her schedule for the day. I wasnt in the mood to drive to Greenwich so I didnt care either way. Now I have to reschedule for next week.

Today I had a PS appointment and he put another 60cc into each expander. He told me that I have to make a decision about whether or not I want them bigger because right now I am officially BIGGER than I was before I had the mastectomy. Thats what the doctor said and I was amazed that I didnt realize it. I told the PS that I think I want 1-2 more expansions but I am thinking more toward just 1 more expansion. He showed me the pictures that he took before my surgery and I never realized that even though my breasts might have the same mass as before, the mass is distributed differently. That just means that I am not saggy but perky. My thought process is that if my breasts are bigger than my waist will look smaller. Funny thing happened what I was leaving the office: The secretary/receptionist said, "You look so pretty in pink, it makes your skin glow" I told her that pink has always been my favorite color. (and its ironic that it represents breast cancer). I looked at the Dr who was walking by and said, "You are wearing pink today also" (he was wearing a pink dress shirt and looking mighty good I might add) He replied, "I knew you were coming today thats why I wore it." I thought that was a cute thing to say. The PS is a VERY good looking guy and according to what I have heard he is that same age as my DH. He could be a model he is that handsome, if he quits his day job that is!

Tonight my Mom is coming up to stay the weekend. We made reservations for this awesome hibatchi grill (my favorite) tonight. I thought it would be nice if we all went out to eat for our anniversary and then DH and I would go to the movies alone after dinner. Hopefully we can get in to see THE GUARDIAN. I havent been to the movies on an opening night in a very long time so I am foreseeing a LARGE crowd. I also hope I can stay awake that late because lately I feel like I have narcolepsy. I fall asleep at the computer and while reading or knitting but I cant get to bed at night. Crazy right?

Our 8th Wedding Anniversary

Wow, I have really been neglecting my journal and for good reasons. I have been very busy and exhausted with the kids and DH working. This is the 1st time I have had to write. I have an OT appointment this afternoon and a PS appointment tomorrow. I am not looking forward to the PS appointment but at least I dont have that much longer to go. He said 2-3 more fill ups if I am happy with them. I am not sure so I cant say that this is a definite. I might want them inflated a little bit more That sounds so funny to say that.

Tonight I might attend a Stitch n Bitch but that also depends if I am exhausted and if its raining because its a drive away and I dont want to drive in bad weather. On the knitting front I have ripped up my cable scarf for the DR and started over. I wasnt liking the way the edges looked. They probably looked fine to everyone else but me. I am also almost done with the sock (finally). I made a hat originally for my son but its a bit small so I am going to give it to my Mom's friend who has a 3 year old girl with a smaller head (I hope). My OT (who knits) told me that there is a yarn store going out of business 5 miles from the hospital so I might have to check that out today before my appoitment. I should get there early so I can go have my blood drawn but I dont want to have to wait forever so maybe I'll do the blood thing tomorrow. I also have a scarf that I am making for myself in the works. I am not liking the way its coming out but the yarn I am using makes it impossible to rip back so I decided to embellish it later on with some fancy crocheted edging. Easy solution, combine knitting and crocheting and there you have it.

These expanders are driving me crazy! Yesterday I had to lift my 40lb son out of his car seat (he was sleeping) and after that I was having muscle spasms in my 'boobs'. I cant wait to get the implants in and these things out!

Sept 26th was our 8th Wedding Anniversary! We might go out Friday night to the movies or dinner. Not sure yet what we want to do. I cant believe I know my husband 13 years and we have been together for 11 of them.

Recently, I have had many thoughts running through my mind about recurrance and what I would do if the cancer came back. I promised myself I would not go there but its inevitable that I would. I had a very agressive cancer that hasnt been really studied as much as the others (triple negative where you cant treat with tamoxifen or any hormone blocking therapy) It was not only triple negative but multifocal meaning 2 types of cancers in the breast and grade 3. Many people get stuck on worrying about stage (I was stage 2b) where it distinguishes whether or not the lymph nodes are involved and if its spread further and beyond that but dont realize that Grade is more important. I wont get all technical on you but grade will basically tell you how agressive a cancer is (in laymans terms). Almost 100% of triple negatives are grade 3. You cant help but think about it because its a big possibility. I know that I would have no choice but to fight like I did before but it would scare me to death. Its hard not thinking about it and doing so doesnt change anything so what good is it? I just had to write this now so when I come back later and have all my words explode on the page you'll at least know they didnt come from no where.

NO, my sister hasnt called me yet. I'm not holding my breathe either.

Fill 'er up! Plastic Surgeon visit and other ramblings

I had a Plastic Surgeon appointment on Wednesday. He put in another 60 ml in each expander so there is a total of 480 ml in each on so far. He thinks that I will be happy with it at 600 ml which I think will be perfect. Like I said I dont want gigantic boobs I just want to be proportionate. Figure thats 2-3 more visits with him every 10 days so thats 30 days then I have to wait 5-8 weeks after the last fill up and then have the exchange surgery.
That leads us to the end of December (I think). I thought I would have to go until the spring to have the exchange but its going to be sooner and I couldnt be happier over that.

Still no word from my sister. Her birthday is coming and I decided to give her the scarf and hat that I originally made for my Dad. It is more of a style for a woman thats why she is going to get it. I am going to make my Dad something else, I just dont know what yet. I am in the middle of making a few things right now. One of them is a cozy pink/beige scarf that I love so much I cant give it up. I made another headband out of some mercerized cotton and it came out great. I need some more hair to wear them though! I am almost done with my sock and also another scarf that I am crocheting with leftover yarn. I also am crocheting another hat from a pattern from the DIY network but I am not sure its coming out like it should. The directions might have an error in them. I guess we will find out soon enough. Then I am finally working on my Plastic surgeons gift. I am making him a cabled scarf with a very nice colored wheat yarn thats a wool/acrylic blend so he can wash it and it wont shrink to the size that a midget would use. No offense to any midgets reading this (I am only 5' 1/2" so I am not the biggest person in the world). OK I think I have bored everyone with my fiber talk. I am still the highest bidder on that pink yarn yay!!! Hopefully I will still be and win but if I dont I am sure there are other yarns out there that this seller is going to be putting up for auction that are just as beautiful. I didnt make it to the Stitch n Bitch this week because I didnt feel to well after my PS appointment and then Thursday I was still not feeling well so stayed home. Hopefully I can make it next week.

I signed my DD up for religious ed today at our parish. Its $75 for the year and runs from Oct-May. At the end of 2nd grade she will receive Penance and Holy Communion so she has a bit of time because she is only in the 1st grade right now. Its once a week after school for an hour so its not bad at all.

I am not liking her teacher (1st grade) at this time. She has a system of giving tickets to the kids when they do something good and it can be at her discresion. So the kid who has the most tickets right now has 10 tickets and my DD has only 1. I dont think the system is fair but I dont know who to tell. My DD feels bad about this because you need a certain amount of tickets to get stickers or even lunch with the teacher (25 tickets). This is not right and promotes favoritism with students. The reward should have nothing to do with the teacher. Can you tell I dont like her? Hopefully things will get better when she leaves after Christmas because the real teacher is on maternity leave right now and I am sure shes better than this idiot.

Another bit of crappy news is that my Mom's bosses boss threatened to fire her if she didnt return to work ASAP. Keep in mind that she IS working from my house and not just doing nothing! He is a total a**hole and now I have no one to help me out. I am on my own starting Monday and what makes it even worse is that my DH is working 3 days in a row (it sounds like nothing but these are 15 hour days and he is gone from 5am until 8pm at night so it sucks big time). I know that I can do it because I look at it one day at a time.

I think I have a few more things I forgot to write but its ice-cream time now so bye!

Just another yarn (story)

Tonight I was invited to attend a knitting group that my Occupational Therapist goes to. They all meet at the hospital (same on my DH works in) and they are nurses, a doctor, therapists and patients (like me and another lovely elderly lady who was teaching me a lot of stuff!) I had a great time with them and found it very easy to chat with them while I worked on my sock. I forgot to post it here last night but I did post it to my blog that I am almost done with my 1st sock!! I turned the heel last night which I thought I would never do correctly but I did!! The ladies were impressed with my sock abilities and all agreed that if I could do a sock after only a few months of self-taught knitting then I can certainly do a sweater. I am definitely going to take a class in sweater making but its going to be AFTER the holidays. I am already signed up for the Magic Loop Socks class in October and hopefully I will be done with my second sock before then. Socks come in pairs you know!

Last night I did something I shouldnt have done but I did it anyway. I bid on the most gorgeous, beautiful NZ, hand dyed wool yarn that I have ever seen. I bid on the pink one of course and I want it soooooo bad I can dream of what I will knit it into when I get it. I also like the fall colors she has but I dont have the money to really bid at all so I have to just do it for the pinks which I think was meant to be since it is my favorite color. One of the ladies that was at the knitting meet tonight mentioned that if I really wanted something on eBay I should get a sniper. I am not sure about that though because I have never bid on anything and I am not sure if I need a sniper at the moment. I want to see if I can win on my own and then use one if I have a hard time winning. Yes, I am an eBay virgin and it will be my first time winning or losing so I hope its not to hard on me.

I was supposed to have an OT appt tomorrow but I cancelled due to the bad weather coming in and I am not feeling to great. I hope I am not coming down with anything because I have a horrible headache today. Its not time (I dont think) for AF to be visiting but she has been showing up on my doorstep at unexpected times the past few months. She makes me so mad when she comes uninvited.

DH and I have been doing better since seeing the therapist these past few months. I missed her for a few weeks after my surgery but we picked up where we left off and we had our latest appt this morning. It went well. I am trying to get my Mom to come with me so the therapist can give her an unbiased opinion about my sister.
Her birthday is coming up next month and I was wondering what to do about it. My son (her Godson's) birthday falls on the same day as hers so she should be calling him to wish him a Happy Birthday. I am going to give her the Fishermans hat and scarf that I originally made for my Dad but realized later on that it came out to 'girly' and not appropriate for a man. Its a home made gift that she better like! Only kidding, I do want her to appreciate it because I made it and all the things I make mean a lot to me and when you receive them then you know you are someone special to me. Sorry for that long, run on sentence there! One of the lovely ladies tonight mentioned that you have to LOVE the person you are knitting socks for because they are difficult to make and dont last as long as a sweater.

Turning the Heel on my ARTYARNS sock

I cant believe I did it but I did! Now dont get me wrong I havent finished the sock yet but I TURNED THE HEEL on it which is the hardest thing to do when knitting socks (they say). I am so excited because I have my Magic Loop socks class coming up and I wanted to finish these socks on my DPN's before I started the class. The class is in October so I have some time left to finish the remaining part of this sock and also the 2nd sock.
On another note I finished the TRIO tote bag I was making for myself to be able to carry a small project or two in it. Its very nice and I love the colors in it. So everyone who is a knitter knows that there is no such thing as just owning one knitting bag! Impossible, you have to have at least 2 maybe 3 or 4! Maybe even more than that. I have a few more bags on my to do list but I cant felt anything in MY washing machine because its a front loader! I need a top loader to felt. That means I have to go to my Mom's when I want to felt things OR I can make a swatch and see what happens when I put it through my machine. Its worth a shot and I can do it when I do a hot water wash.
I am also in the process of making a MOBIUS for myself. Its probably going to go to someone else as a Christmas presnt because I want something in pink. Its coming out really nice in the SPRING DESERT color by LION BRAND Landscapes, very pretty colors in that mix. Its also a bulky yarn that knits up pretty quick. I am using #13 for this project. Its a big difference from working with the socks which are on #5 DPN's. Well, its good practice for the socks I am going to make on the #2's! Thats going to be a challenge for my eyes I tell you.
I have a beautiful yarn which is 100% cotton made by Patagonia which I bought a long time ago and now I am searching for the perfect pattern for it. I have 2 balls of it which I think adds up to almost 300+ yards so I can make a very long scarf with it, or a caplet I guess. I have to find a pattern. Still need to start my Mom's fancy scarf because just thinking about it not being done for Christmas is making me ill with worry. She is not expecting it for Christmas because she knows I am busy but I would like to give it to her then along with some other stuff. I also have a wonderful pattern for a wine cozy from www.knitty.com Sorry I cant remember which one its in.
Tomorrow DH and I have a therapist appointment and I will most likely spend the entire hour crying over certain family members who STILL havent called me. I guess the letter I wrote couldnt have upset them too much.
I talked about this with my Mom and I cant understand it because if the shoe was on the other foot I would never be acting this way toward my ONLY sister. Its just really sad and it makes me more upset and angry every time I think about it, which is just about all the time.

My 1st Stitch n Bitch and other Life Happenings

It seems like I am getting a bit lax with my blogging. I wasnt in the mood the past few days to do much writing, especially after I wrote that 7 page letter to my sister. She still hasnt responded to the letter that I wrote her. I know that she read it because my Mom told me she did. The ball is in her court now because I have done all I can to help our relationship. She also has to acknowledge the problem that she has in order to make it better. I am convinced that she has serious problems that only a therapist can help her with but she wont go to one. I am so upset by all this crap thats all I talked about when DH and I went to see our therapist today. I did a lot of crying and had a huge headache when I left her office.

Monday was September 11th and always a sad day for me. I watched all the ceremonies on TV and waited for them to read our neighbors nephews name. He was a fiefighter who died that day. 9/11 is also my Moms birthday so I made her these cute little pink heart shaped cakes and she loved them. The kids loved them too!

This evening I had to go to my daughter's schools open house. I wasnt planning on going but there was an incident with another student and my daughter and the teacher wanted to meet me. She wrote a note home to me yesterday saying that my daughter had her hands wrapped around a boy's neck. The teacher reprimanded her and then she proceeded to push this boy and then was further punished by the teacher. This behavior is TOTALLY UNLIKE my daughter and I asked her what happened. She said that the boy was chasing her and causing trouble and she told the teacher and the teacher said to "work it out herself". Now she has no reason to lie and I could see this teacher saying something like that. The boy was harrassing her further and she did what she had to do to get him away from her. It was a girl defending herself from a boy not the other way around for Gods sakes! I told my daughter she should have gone to another teacher that would have listened and that there is no reason she should push or wrap her hands around anyones neck. The teacher spoke to me today and said that all the kids were "playing this game" and they all had to be told to stop. I was so upset over this incident that I have been an emotional wreck. Its everything happening thats bothering me not just this. It builds on top of one another and then comes tumbling down on top of me.

On a happy note I decided to go to a Stitch n Bitch meeting last night. We met up right in the center of the Yale University campus which is beautiful, by the way. There were 8 of us all together and we had a great time. I was a little nervous at 1st because I thought that I would be the one who knew the least and I wasnt. I actually helped 2 ladies with their work and told them where they made the mistake and most importantly I fixed it for them!! They were so grateful and I was excited that I actually new enought to help them. They were looking at me making the tote bag I am working on like I was some type of circular needle God. It was so funny trying to convince them that I really did teach myself a few months ago! I am using TRIO yarn and the bag is coming out fantastic. I am going to make it my goal to finish it tomorrow. I also made 2 headbands that only took 30 minutes to crochet both. Since I am getting more hair on my head I am starting to wear headbands with little flowers or something on them to show off my hair or what I have of it that is! All the ladies asked if I was going to join them again next week and I was touched that they enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed theirs. I was also invited to join a knitting group that my Occupational Therapist is in at the hospital. That meets every other Monday and I think they will be meeting up this coming Monday. Knitting & crocheting has been my escape and its been helping me get through these stressful times in my life and I LOVE it like no other hobby I have ever done before. Going to these Stitch and Bitch meets is my therapy and if it helps me thats a wonderful thing. I also think that its good for me to get out and meet new people with similar interests as me.

Tonight my DH asked me to teach him some crochet stitches and I showed him the chain and the single crochet stitch. The problem is that he is left handed so I have to sit directly in front of him so he can 'mirror' my actions. He did it fairly well but gave up because he was dead tired. Tomorrow I will teach (or try to) him the double crochet but not before he nails the single crochet stitch. Hopefully he will pick it up fast and make me something! LOL

Knit Happens

I have been crying since 9 am this morning. Its a long story and it has to do with my sister. My Mom spoke to her and told me what was said. One of the things that upset me the most was that she said I was always my Moms favorite and she feels that I havent been a good sister to her. I am so angry that I typed up a 7 page letter with all the examples od how SHE is the one that hasnt been there for me and that I have always invited her and included her in everything since we were young. My Mom even said to her that it wasnt true. I am so angry, hurt and mad as hell that she would use this as a smoke screen for her irreverent behavior over the past 6 months. My Mom suggests we all sit down and talk about why she feels this way. I think she needs some professional help because she is the one that has alienated herself from the family and this has been going on for years. She has turned down all my invites to anything I have invited her to and she has the nerve to say I havent been a good sister. She has some set of balls to say that. Especially when I am in the place I am in in my life. I needed her the most while I was going through this and she throws this in my face? Only a self-serving, selfish individual would do that. The letter touches on all these points without name calling and so on so maybe it will get through to her? One could only hope that it does. My Mom is also upset over the entire thing because my sister thinks that my Mom has done more for me. Well, right now my Mom is the ONLY one helping me so she is doing a lot. My sister didnt have cancer or need the help that I did and I hope she never does but what could she (29 years old) want from my Mom that she isnt giving her? I just dont get it. Is she jealous of all the attention I am getting. I wouldnt call it attention that I want because I want things to be the way they used to be. I dont want help taking care of my children. I want to do these things on my own but for now I need help. Why cant she accept this? I dont want to lose a sister over this nonsense, I just hope she doesnt either. Its time to grow up.

I had an appointment with the PS yesterday and he put in 60cc of saline in each expander. He said there is 420-450cc total in there right now and that they hold 600cc max. If you wanted to you could put more than that but he doesnt reccommend it. So hopefully we are moving along as scheduled with all this and I will have the exchange surgery within the next 6 months. The pain is not to good today but thats to be expected with the fill up yesterday. Pain meds do your stuff!

On another depressing note, the owner of the yarn store called me and said that she wouldnt feel comfortable right now having me alone in the store on Saturdays due to my lack of experience with making garments and lacework, etc. As soon as I get better at those things she said that she would gladly hire me. She was totally nice about it but with all the emotion today I cried when I got off the phone because I really wanted it bad. So I must practice lots! I'm off to knit!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!!

I promised some pics of what I have been knitting and crocheting so here it is. I regret not taking pics of the scarves that I gave away but I am making more of them. Last night I finished the autumn colors scarf that I started crocheting on Sunday but have not taken a pic of it yet.
This is a scarf that I made for my Aunt for Christmas. Its a moss stitch pattern:

Hat and scarf I made for my Dad (not sure if I am going to make him something else and give this to a woman because the hat looks girly to me. Maybe because its on that head? :lol:

Cell phone case:

My DD's hat:

Three crocheted headscarves and a hat:

Crocheted Hot pad holder/dishcloth:


On another note I might have a part time job at the local yarn shop! I have to go and see the owner to chat about the specifics so I am not totally sure its a done deal yet. Wish me luck!

Labor Day Weekend

I need to replenish my yarn stash!!! I hope I get another order from NC.com soon so I can get more yarn. There are some I am just drooling over. Here is a picture of some:
Beautiful Yarn
Tell me thats not gorgeous yarn. My Mom told me that I can give her a list of all things knitting related so she can get them for me for Christmas. I better start on that right away!

Yesterday we went to my parents for Labor Day and it was OK. My Dad seems to be returning to his old annoying self. He constantly is starting arguements with my Mom over stupid things and also he was trying to annoy me but I was having none of that. He definitely has low self esteem to always have to be right with everything. Growing up he would always tell me that I had a complex and problems meanwhile he is the one with the issues, even my Mom admits it. When I approached her yesterday to ask what was up his a** she said that she cant deal with him anymore and ignores him. OK, thats not possible for me because hes soooo annoying that I have to shut him up by telling him to stop and not ignoring him. I cant even remember what the arguement was about. I am totally convinced that he is STILL in denial about everything I have gone through and in his mind it has not happened. This is how he deals with things. I am not questioning his love for me but he has a very strange way of showing it and he doesnt realize that words can hurt. My DH gets fed up with him too but he has to be quiet about it not to cause more trouble.

After dinner I felt like I was drugged and had to go and take a break in my Grandmothers room. I fell asleep for an hour and a half on the recliner! I was so beat. Thats what happens when you cant get to sleep until 3-4am.

I brought my new bag to my Mom's and everyone loved it. I was proudly showing it off and telling them that it was my present from my DH for our anniversary. Now they all want one and only one of them crochets! Too funny. I was able to fit EVERYTHING in it and I mean everything. My wallet, make-up bag, cell phone, meds, 2 pattern books, my sock, scarf, and Mom's scarf project all fit in it.

I started a brown/mixed autumn color scarf yesterday that I am GOING to finish today. It is my mission to finish it because I dont want to be rushed with making Christmas preents the last minute. Its my own design and if I remember to take a picture of it I will. I am so bad with that. I finished my Dad gift which is a fishermans hat and scarf, my great Aunts scarf with lots of pretty fringe and I made a few washcloths that I was going to put in a basket with soaps and lotions for someone, I dont know who yet. I also made my DD's hat for the winter and I think I'll make a small scarf with the left over yarn or maybe a mobius neck warmer depending upon how far I can stretch it.

I did something really big yesterday that I am so proud of. I went to my Mom's without a scarf or hat! I wore a headband with some pretty crystals on it and I wrapped a chiffon rose around it and placed it near my left ear. I looked a little like a 1920's flapper and I felt free. Like I said, I am enjoying my hair at all the stages it will be in until it reaches the length that I want it to be. I am not sure what that exact number is going to be but I do want to be able to wear it up and braid it so definitely bra strap length as the least. My scalp has been annoying me with those scabs I used to get when I had my long hair. The MM shampoos are keeping it under control but I have to use them every day otherwise it flares up again. Moonchaser's oil massaged into the area helps a lot.

The pain is still annoying and I had a lot of swelling yesterday but today it seems to be a little bit better. I have to go on Friday to see the PS and I am not sure if he is going to fill me up again but I think he is.

Now I am off to take some pics of my work!

My sister was away for the labor day weekend on a camping trip. She last spoke to me the day after my surgery which was 8/17. She came home when I was napping in my grandmas room and only said hello for one second to my DD. Her excuse was that she was 'dirty' and needed to get washed. She came home at 6:20pm. I came out of my grandmothers room at 10 to 7 and still no sister in site. We left at 8pm and my sister didnt even come out and say goodbye. Hell, she didnt even say hello so why should I expect her to say goodbye. Anyway, I wanted to add that here because I was hurt yet again by her behavior. My Mom says that I should get over it but she is an only child without any sibblings, she doesnt get it. I also told her that if one of my kids were acting that way toward the other I would DEFINITELY have a conversation with them about their behavior because its just plain WRONG. I know that I would never treat my only sister this way.

Back to School

I signed up yesterday at the local yarn shop for a class on making Magic Loop Socks. The class is in October and I cant wait! When I get really good I can give socks as Christmas presents next year. Right now I am making them on DPN's so its going a bit slow. Its only a 3 day class thats 2 hours a class for a total of 6 hours.

Last night with the reminants of Hurricane Ernesto hitting us, we lost power at 11 pm and then it came back on at 1 am. I was so pissed about it because I was in the middle of knitting and its really hard doing it in the candle light, I must say. I didnt get to bed until 3:30 am anyway. I am not even sure its insomnia or just that I feel I have so many things to do and not enough time in the day to do them. Cant the day be 26 hours long?

My Mom is getting ready to do the AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER in October in NYC. She has raised $7,500 so far. I am planning on going down there to the opening/closing ceremonies. My DH is going to have to stay home with the kids because they cant come. I am probably going with my Dad because he knows how to get around the city better than me.

Drain Removal and my 1st Expansion

I finally changed my blog name and I am so happy I did! Since I changed it I also changed the http address so if you have it saved to your favorites as the old one, you are going to come up with a message that it doesnt exist anymore.

I went to the PS on Wed to take my drains out. It wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be but man were those suckers in deep! I felt the 'pop' when he pulled them out. After he pulled them he suggested that I get my 1st 'filler up' of the expanders to help push out any fluid that was laying around the expander. I couldnt say no so I had that done. Its not painful but lots of pressure involved since it involves the chest muscles and skin over it. I didnt feel it right away but when I arrived back home I couldnt even move my arms and had to get into bed to rest. After about 24 hours they felt much better. I have to watch for certain signs that their is a build-up of fluid but everything seems to be OK right now. I am going to be knocking on some wood for continued luck in this area! I have an appointment with him in a week to see how I am progessing.

In the knitting news: I crocheted a dog jacket for my short haired doxie because he is always cold in the fall/winter months. It was a tad to big on him so I sent it to my friend who has a doxie thats a bit bigger than mine and she has done so much for me over the past 6 months that its the least I can do for her. I hope it fits him.

I was working on socks and I had to frog them (rip them up and start over) because DH and I had an arguement last night and I was in the middle of a row. During the arguement I lost a DPN and all the stitches got messed up. I was actually crying that this happened because it took me so long to get to where I was. I plan on starting it over today with a different sock pattern. The arguement was a stupid one too. He was stressed because he couldnt sleep and he had to wake up early for work this morning. He kept telling me that I was keeping him awake. I dont know how I was doing that because I was doing what I normally do every night when he is sleeping. I am still mad at him for blaming me.

I also started a mohair blend scarf for my Mom's birthday which is 9/11. Its a surprise because she thinks I am only making the one that she picked all the yarn out for which in reality I havent even started yet! It shouldnt take to long to make since I am using size 13 needles to knit it up.

Speaking of the hubby, he bought me my anniversary present early this year. Our anniversary is at the end of the month. He got me the Namaste Vintage Knitting bag, here it the one at the bottom of the page. Its absolutely beautiful and I am in love. Its big enough to not only hold your knitting but also your everyday items such as wallet, cell, make-up bag, etc. I am sick of carrying so many bags when I go places and want to take my projects with me also. In case you are wondering I got it in rose/light pink, of course!
Hopefully I wont have trouble starting the sock over today.

I Should be sleeping!

I have been meaning to write about my visit to the PS on Wednesday but I have been a bit busy. I was working on knitting a pair of socks for the 1st time today and to my surprise its coming out nicely. That is until the yarn got all tangled and it took me an hour to untangle it and roll it back up!! Until tomorrow then, I need some sleep!